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"Chris, for the last time, where are we going." I exasperatedly asked for umpteenth time while turning my profile, resting against the cold leather headrest, towards his smug smile refusing to grant my request.
"Stell, for the last time, you'll see." He reiterated stifling back a laugh at my childish, pouting expression frowning at his response, continuing to reach towards the radio and turn up the holiday music while softly humming along.
The last couple months had felt like helplessly falling into a suffocating hole devouring me alive, the media had been wreaking havoc on not only my acting career, but on whatever I had left of a personal life. I missed the days when I all I was referred to as an aspiring actress, a nobody, or even a terrible actress, but now all I was known for was being a raging alcoholic and addict, a filthy whore who destroyed my longest relationship, and a manipulative bitch who used men for money. I had completely lost myself within this maelstrom of circulating lies, I'd forgotten who I was. It was no surprise that I was struggling, I was struggling to eat, to get up, to conceal the stinging, salty tears staining my cheeks, and on the unbearable days I thanked god that I had Chris in my life, he saved me, he saved me more times than I could count and he didn't even know it. However, it's not like he could've known to begin with, I'd become so good at bottling up my emotions and hiding my devastation behind a smile screaming for help I never accepted.
"You okay?" Chris spoke up noticing the absence of my perky smile that usually followed the presence of any genre of music, but this was Christmas music, and he knew how much I adored the holiday season and just about every festivity that followed.
"Mhm." I solemnly replied continuing to stare out the window with a hollow stare becoming lost in the blurred picture of passing trees, not even realizing I had become numbed to the monotonous question.
"You know, it'd be okay if you weren't, all things considered. You don't have to put up the badass facade around me, you know that." He reminded in a gentle tone laced with a subtle hint of worry rolling off his tongue, briefly allowing his trailing eyes to glaze across the one person hindering him from thinking about anything else.
This was it, this did it, this is the one that finally managed to break my dwindling defenses into millions of pieces.
"And what if I'm not okay? Why the fuck does it matter? It's not gonna fix a damn thing, Chris! Nothing will ever fix this fucking disaster! Nothing will ever be okay, not my acting career, not my social life, not me!" I angrily snapped slamming my clenched fists against the leather seat as my eyes began to brim with stinging tears and my throat became gagged by a throbbing knot failing to suppress the desperate sob clawing up my raw throat.
In a distorted haze, my body suddenly lunged forward with the car abruptly veering off the nearly abandoned back road while my pounding head began to spin at the harsh, curt movement. Overwhelmed by the sharp pulses of emotion, my cloudy eyes snapped towards the sound of the car door opening and the suspected source of the repetitive ringing in my ears. However, before I could properly analyze the situation, I was ripped from the warm confines of the car and exposed to the harsh change in temperature feeling like needles against the perfectly rounded beads of tears streaming down my stained cheeks.
