Finding You // s.m.

nine

A few days after Shawn and I' sleepover, we sort of lost touch. He was working on his music and dealing with Dylan and the cover up again. We talked about it, of course.

"Shawn, I can't go through that again."

"Millie, you know I wouldn't want to put us through that. Not after what happened last time." Shawn frowned, pulling me close to him.

"Why does it feel like everything is against us?" I forcefully chuckled.

"Nothing is against us, Mills. It's just how the universe goes sometimes."

"Maybe we need a break. You can figure all this out and I will be here when you are ready." I looked up at him.

"Are you sure? Millie, I just got you back." He lightly smiled and shook his head.

"It's up to you." I shrugged.

"I don't. I think we can work through all this."

"Then it's settled."

Shawn texted me for a few hours that night, and sent me a good morning text the next day, but that seemed to be the end of our conversations. I had slowly fallen back into my old ways.

Peter, Amelia, and I had all gone out to our spot and I got so unbelievably fucked up, I don't even remember that night. I woke up at their house and went back to my house just to start drinking again. Sav and Madison had taken most of the alcohol, but left a little for when we would all get together for sleepovers.

Sav never really drank since she brought her daughter to our sleepovers, but that left more for me now. I was sat on my couch, playing sad music, drinking, and staring at the wall. I felt empty again.

Shawn and I worked everything out, yet it felt like he was gone again and I had no one. My phone was sat on the table and buzzed every few minutes. Twitter notifications, Instagram, Snapchat, texts, emails, whatever.

My phone started buzzing as if someone was calling, I leaned to grab it and Will's name popped up. I pressed the green button and pressed my phone to my ear.

"Hello, Will."

"Millie! Drinking? It's 10 a.m. darling."

"Yeah, fuck off."

"How are you and Shawnie? I haven't seen anything on social media!"

"None of your business."

"Well, assuming you are completely drunk at 10 in the morning, you aren't great then."

"Goodbye, Will." I pulled the phone away and ended the call.

I checked my texts, Madison, Sav, Chris, and Peter. I had no notifications whatsoever from Shawn. I rolled my eyes and tossed my phone. I turned my music up and sat back, taking a long chug from the bottle in my hand.

I didn't really know how long I had sat on the couch. I was snapped into reality when I went to take another drink and the bottle came up dry. I groaned and stood from the couch, wobbling and swaying to the kitchen. I set the bottle on the counter and picked up another.

I made my way back to the couch and plopped down. I was annoyed by the music and turned it off, turning on the TV. And suddenly, it felt like deja vu.

"Shawn Mendes is seen, yet again, with another girl! Does this mean Millie Evans and Mendes are on the outs? Mendes was seen with Instagram model, Peyton Haddler. They were seen leaving a club last night! Evans was also seen leaving a club across town with Peter and Amelia, her friends. Some reported seeing her heavily intoxicated-"

"Shut the fuck up." I grumbled, turning off the TV.

"Stupid Shawn, stupid lady, stupid." I stood from the couch, grabbing my phone and bottle, going up to my room.

I tripped up the steps and flopped onto my bed. I took a long chug from my bottle and set it on the night stand. I saw Sav was calling me and pressed the green button.

"Mills?" She answered.

"What?" I asked, bleakly.

"You saw?"

"Saw what.."

"Are you drunk?" She changed the topic quickly.

"Yeah, so what?"

"What do you mean so what? Millie, it's not even 1 in the afternoon! I thought we fixed this."

"Well, Sav, sometimes people have a shit couple days."

"Millie, you have to stop-"

I ended the call and checked my notifications. I had two texts from Will, three from Peter, and one from Shawn.

Shawn
Hey, I figure you
saw what happened..
Dylan made me do
it, he said we had to
wash your reputation
away because of
your drugs and
drinking

I scoffed and checked the other texts. I set my phone down and stared at the ceiling until I fell asleep.

My body was being shaken and someone was calling my name. I groaned and forced my eyes open, seeing Madison and Sav standing there. I groaned louder and looked at them.

"What the hell!" Sav yelled.

"I thought we were done with this!" Madison added.

"Well, shit happens." I shrugged.

"Millie, you are going to kill yourself one of these times!" Sav yelled.

"What is your problem?" Madison said slightly lower than yelling.

I shrugged and turned to face the wall.

"When will you stop acting like a child! Millie, for fucks sake, act like an adult for once!" Madison yelled again.

I sat up and felt tears grow in my eyes, scoffing.

"A child? That's rich from you, Madison. I'm sorry I don't have perfect relationships like you two! I'm sorry that shit just happens! I am so empty, do you not get that? I do drugs and drink to hide that feeling because it's so scary! I'm sorry I'm not fucking perfect!" I yelled at her.

"I'm leaving, Sav, lets go." She shook her head.

Sav looked at Madison, then at me. Madison grabbed her wrist and tugged her out of my room. I dug myself into my bed and heard the door slam. I stood from my bed and went to the bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror and saw tears pouring down my cheeks.

The happy Millie that was here not even three days ago was so far gone. I turned the tub on and went to grab my phone and bottle from the table. I went to the bathroom and removed my clothing, getting in the tub.

I stared at the wall, taking long sips from the bottle of whatever. I pulled my texts up and went to Shawn, my thumbs hovered over the letters, but quickly moved to press the back arrow.

I tapped someone else's name and started typing.

Millie
Free tonight?