The Way We Feel

Chapter 4

A week passes and within it, honestly every day I read Adrien's letters as if it is a ritual. It is like a head start in the day. Knowing that there aren't any more letters left has me feeling almost empty, almost as empty when I left him. It's those memories pooling up all over again. I don't actually know whether I forgive him or not. He has told me so much about his life, at least what he thought I might want to know. There isn't much I want to know, really not at all. I'm working so hard on finally getting over him, it took me a long time to get to the point of not thinking about him everyday. Now I'm here sitting on my bed with his letters in my hand wondering how he is doing, if he's alright, how is family is doing.

I'm imagining Adrien's voice while I'm reading the letters and the way he's sitting in front of his desk writing everything down that is on his mind. What does he look like right now? Does he still smell the same or did he change his cologne? I wonder if his smile would still have the same effect on me if I saw it. Right now it's causing me pain, every time I think back at those moments.

"Hey." I turn around, finding Denis right behind me with his hands shoved deep in his denim jeans pockets. His eyes skim over me briefly, making me feel like he might know what I'm thinking about.

"Hey. Are you excited?" I approach him.

"Yeah. I'm scared that no one will show up." I roll my eyes. He has been doing nothing else than worry about his art exhibition, almost every day I've been telling him that it'll be fine. Well today is the day, and he might've threw up by the amount of nervousness he has to endure.

"I'm sure half of Paris will be there and you'll become the most known artist over night." I say to calm his nerves and he smiles a little. Although he knows it's a lie, he is now more relaxed than before.

"Stop being too nice to me." He kisses my neck up and down and then drags his lips further down to my bare shoulder. "You smell so good."

"That's your favorite perfume. Remember?" He nods his head and dips his nose in the crock of my neck as he remembers that it's the perfume he gifted me not too long ago. His fingers trail across my arm then slowly to my back, where he begins to draw circles. He looks at me through the mirror, his eyes are hungry.

"We still got time babe, don't rush." Denis slowly guides me toward my bed, where he hovers over me, passionately kissing my lips. A small moan escapes from me as he works his way down to my stomach. He almost reaches my thighs, but he takes his time before he tries to part them. Suddenly I freeze at the spot and harden my muscles. This is an ongoing cycle, every time we get to this point I can't dare to go any further.

"Denis. Wait." I sit up and look at him.

"Hm?"

"I... I think you should get going. You should be there way earlier to make sure everything's okay, you know?"

Denis seems confused but agrees with my idea. Visibly disappointed, that I stopped there, he gets up and walks out of the door. I sit up and shake my head looking at where he kissed me, feeling let down by my own actions.

It's currently half past seven p.m. and Vicky is going to pick me up for Denis' art exhibition. When we're finally there, which took her a long time to find, I spot Denis proudly telling the exhibitors about how his art was created, before he makes his way up to me. He greets me with a brief kiss and entwines his hand with mine. He proudly points at his paintings as he leads me across the art gallery.

"Are you up for a private exhibition?"

"It would be a pleasure." He takes me to a small area where small sized paintings are displayed. All of them are very detailed with blue accents, that take most of the attention. It's as if all the tiny paintings make one big painting.