Can I Be Her? Book two

1) ja'na

I thought about him everyday so much that he consumed me. Was he OK? Was he alive? Was he doing better without me?

I haven't seen or heard from ethan in two years! It was hard not thinking about him stating the way we lefted things

"You're doing it again"

"Sorry, im just so out of it"

"I can't believe your leaving! After three years of being around you I'm gonna be sad! I was suppose to start college This year things aren't going as plan"

"Me either but I need to go my mother needs me"

"I know! I just...I'm going to miss you, you're my bestfriend, my favorite cousin, my sister from another mother...so much more...who gone do my lashes right?"

"Learn how to do them yourself! Damn"

"Ja'na are you sure your OK?"

"T, im fine! I just want to finish this application and I want to go to sleep"

"But this is your last weekend here ...we should be partying all weekend!"

"I'm not In the mood and you know I don't party anymore"

"What happened to wild ja'na?"

"She died, along with her feelings! Why dont you leave me the fuck along T!"

"Is this about ole dude?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The boy that stole you're heart"

"Why does it matter? He's mostly gone far away...I'll never see him again"

"Never say never"

"I'm going to bed"

"You know you dont have to be like this! You act like its the end of the world that your going back home!"

"Because it is!"

"Why do you keep saying that! You control your own life ja'na"

"My life Is good right now! But every time I go back to California shit always happen!"

"Because you always finding trouble! But your not the same ja'na you were when you left"

"I know that...but what if I see them! That's the hardest part or explaining shit !"

"Why have them apart of your life? Polo already got you in enough trouble! Marie isn't a good friend!"

"I can't blame marie"

"All I'm saying is leave those people alone! When you get there college is your only focus! And staying out of jail"

"I know"

"Dont go down there and fuck your life over you got a whole ride and it wasn't for nothing"

"I know"

"Say something other than 'i know' ja'na"

"I'm gonna go to California and do better things...I'm not gonna get pulled back into that old life"

"That's my girl"

"I'm not a dog!"

"I know...I'm happy for you ja'na three years ago you came here with your bags saying you're ready to change....now I see it...was it worth it? Leaving them?"

"No"

"Why?"

"I dont know...I cant stand him hating me"

"But did you like hurting him?"

"N-no"

"Then you shouldnt be"

"Not like he'll still love me after three years!"

"Your just gonna have to see! If its meant to be then it'll all be worth it"

"I guess...I'm tired I'll see you tomorrow"

"Goodnight"

~
I loved him... Dont get me wrong I know I fucked up in the past. I put him though a lot! I know but I was messed up!

I dug him down instead of building him up!.

If I come in contact with him...I'll leave him alone!

I cant hurt him again! I just cant