Can I Be Her? Book two

11) Christan

I havent had a full conversation with my uncle after everything went down, I know I wasn't myself and that's still not an excuse....I wasn't  raised like that and it made me see clearly!

I should get off the drugs, They have an impact in how I've been acting lately

focus on college, Now that I'm sober i understand I may be failing about three classes...I'm going to change that

stack my money!, Im going to actually get off my ass and do something

get my best friend back, Lately things haven't been 100% us and polo is my ride or die, I have to fix that

get my emotions in check, That means clearing the air with my mother and father and ja'na and of course my uncle

win the boxing match in four days, Ive been training like hell for this! Ive been distracted by someone but i can do it i just have to focus. 

ja'na is staying clear of me since our last encounter, yeah its hard since we  attend the same college, she works at the gym i go to. the only place  i have to myself is my home which my uncle owns the building. its a small condo, at the time me and my parents weren't seeing eye to eye so my uncle gave me this place.

damn saying this shit in my head makes me feels bad ass hell, my uncle jack did so much shit for me over these years and i treated him so fucking crappy, these drugs aren't for me .

i was pulled out my train of thought by someone jigglings on my front door knob

i slipped on some joggers and made my way  to the door i peeked out the peek hole to see a brown box.

when i opened the door i wasnt expecting to see Shawn and ja'na

"im sorry we had the wrong door, i'll try to be quiet"

"what are you doing here?"

"im moving into my apartment"

"fuck no!"

"excuse me?"

"you gotta go, move somewhere else, im convince your stalking me"

"i didnt know you lived beside me! uncle jake just gave me a key today"

"uncle jake?"

"yeah"

"he did this shit on purpose"

"well i dont care, you stay to yourself and imma do the same... you make shit to complicated"

"whatever, glad you two could rekindle what was broken" i glared at shawn

"ja'na hun go lead the movers up here, me and christan gotta have a talk"

"Shawn y-"

"its ok, i'm good go"

she glanced at me before leaving

"what happened to never trusting her, never letting our guards down?"

"chris man, i'm not saying i forgot all the shit that went down, but its been three years i've heard how you've been treating her man and maybe its time for you to let it go"

"fuck no"

"shes a changed person"

"she pulling you in man"

"no she's not, im just helping her move and we have a project together"

"whatever"

"you should stop"

"excuse me?"

"she said she was sorry"

"whatever"

"when are you gonna face it that you still love her and this is why its hard"

"i dont love her"

"are you sure? because you dont have to lie to me, i looked at her the same way your looking at her now, you even went as far as to get a girlfriend to forget about her!"

"..."

"its ok men, i'll be over to talk about this later on"

"i dont need to talk about it, im going to my uncle house"

"alright men"

**********

"i dont understand, why would you turn to drugs! you have people to turn too"

"i dont know uncle , it was there when i couldnt  talk to you how i needed too"

"did you have a talk with  JA'NA?"

"yes, why did you have to move her right beside me"

"i see her as one i have to take under my wing like i did you, she needed somewhere to stay and i helped her out! i dont want any trouble out of you two, you dont even have to talk"

"can i be honest?"

"i've been waiting for you to do that"

"i miss her"

"tell me something i dont know"

"but i hate her also"

"for"

"i cant even answer it if i want to"

"maybe you should let it go son"

"i cant, because it hurts.. seeing her hurts me to bad and i cant seem to forget, she was my everything and she lefted like i didnt mean anything to her"

"have you guys talked about this?"

"somewhat"

"maybe for you to let it go you have to know why she did it, your heart has been beating for her for over seven years, you cant forget about her, you cant let her go"

"why not? she let me go!"

"what if she had a good reason"

"no reason could have been that good to leave the one you claim to love"

"you dont know that because you've been here, not in ja'na shoes"

"how could i when she never let me in"

"have you ever gave her a reason to let her in, you wasnt honest with her either"

"i had my secrets, but not like she did"

"i know you, i know you so good that i know you act like your father when it comes to women"

"what do i do"

"first, get your shit together then! get your women , be a men!"

"why does everyone keeps telling me this, what if i dont want to be with her"

"then you dont have too, just dont keep doing the shit your doing"

"ite, i know what i gotta do"

"do you?"

"yeah, i gotta face my fears and find out what ive been wanting to know for three years"

"and that is?"

"that's between me and ja'na"