Stupid Boys

01 My Best Friend

It isn't until I wake up that I realise that I'd been dreaming. The painful eerie ringing of my digital alarm clock pounds through my head and I finally give into it just enough to slap it off my bedside table. And it's like fast forwarding through a movie that I can't pause to even ask why the fuck I dreamt Boris Johnson arse fucking a unicorn?

But like every Monday morning I don't fully wake up. I close my eyes and fall back enough that I can control it and destroy Boris with a machete.

And I'm smiling away, lying in the comfort of my bed when my ear drums vibrate so much that they fall off. I don't know whether it's a bird being savaged or my insane 15 year old sister screaming in too close of a proximity.

I jump across the bed so far that I fall off it, flopping on the ground. I stand up feeling like a 20 stone weight is wrapped around my shoulders. And there she is - draped in her massive blazer and her black hair insanely bobbing around her face. I'm so glad I'm not a girl because that hair looks impossible.

"What the fuck?" I yell furiously. I know she got me up but in the morning I'm ruthless.

"Mum said to wake you up." she shrugs blankly and walks to my door.

"Oh, and dad left again." she adds at the door and leaves. Of course he did.

My parents marriage is like a mermaid. It seems so perfect and beautiful but eventually you realise that it's just not real. Too good to be true. And then there's that depressing moment when you see it's just a fat fish with shiny scales.

I button up the crisp white shirt and assemble my boring school uniform. The only thing that's cool is the tie because it makes me look hot.

I grab my phone and bag and rush down the stairs to the door. My sister, Bianca is already gone and my mum is staring at her unfinished toast in on the kitchen table. I feel bad for her but not bad enough to stay.

"You look like you slept in a dumpster." my best friend greets me at the bus station. I frown as he attempts to fix my hair.

"Fuck off, white boy." I laugh and push him off.

There's not much of a story behind our friendship. In year seven we were both bullied - me for being chubby and having glasses and Jacob for being gay. That's what happens when you go to an all boys school. So we became friends and now we're both tens. Funny how life works out, yeah?

And everyone's forgotten what we used to look like. Everyone's forgotten that Jake's gay because he looks the complete opposite to the typical gay stereotype. And I'm tall, ripped and wear contacts.

Jake hits my shoulder while I'm in the middle of bitching about Bianca to nod towards a group of school girls that are staring at us. I roll my eyes and turn back to my friend to see him smiling at them and sending a sly wink that they all squeal after.

"Dude their like twelve you nonce." I comment as our bus drives into our stop and we get up.

"Don't pretend you don't love having fans. You're ego is bigger than you in year six." he laughs and I punch him in the arm. The bus is crammed like always with girls from the school opposite ours and adults I feel sorry for.

"Hmm.. so screaming. That's new." he remarks and I scoff.

There's something wrong with her. She needs to be tested because there is something wrong. It's not depression or anxiety. It's something. And I think we haven't gotten her tested because we're afraid of the answer.

"So how's Charlie?" he asks despite all of the racket on here.

Charlie is my girlfriend. She's so hot and got these huge tits that almost look fake. She's also cool and introduced me to her friends so now I have huge parties with girls that everyone goes to.

"Still fit. What about you're hunt for a boyfriend?" our small talk has gotten worse every day because our conversations are too weird for the bus to hear.

"It's not. I swear, Kings we need to go back on the prowl. Throw a party or go to a rave."

There's always a reason why a story is being told in the exact time it is. Because you're meant to be thrown into someone else's life at the perfect time where things actually happen.

Now I could tell you many stories I've had with my best friend. Like that time when we tried to be DJs at a wedding and I accidentally broke the turntable and got a rock to the head by the bride. Or when we got high as kites and he jumped off the roof of my house because he thought he could fly. And despite having all of these great stories that always end up in a hospital or a bathtub, there is one story that trumps everything else.

This is the story that changed everything and the story he'll tell at my wedding.

"Fine. We'll go to a night club and get fucked up." I agree begrudgingly.