Help Calm My Mind

Anxiety

Warning: This chapter includes mention of self-harm, social anxiety, and panic attacks. Triggered by any of these, please don't read.

Marinette's POV
I spotted my friends and instantly walked up the steps to greet them.  As I walked up the stairs to school I felt this tremendous weight on my chest. It made it hard to breathe. I then suddenly came very aware on how many people were around me. Very aware. Was it me or was it really hot today? My hands started to make a cold sweat and my heart beat was drumming in my ears. I felt like everyone was staring at me, judging my every move. I told myself to stop these irrational thoughts because these people are my friends and they wouldn't judge me, I haven't even done anything. But what if? What if you did do something? What if everyone hates you? My brain wouldn't stop. It just wouldn't stop!
"Mari, are you okay?" Asked a familiar voice. Then all of a sudden I came back to reality. I could now breathe and things were more clear. I then noticed the person who just spoke to me, it was Adrien. I quickly put on a practiced smile and told him a sweet little lie.
"Good morning Adrien. I'm fine, just spaced out for a second." I said as I felt a flutter in my stomach. No matter what state I'm in, he always makes my stomach flutter.
"Okay. You got me worried there for a second. You sure you're okay?" The blonde haired boy asked. Maybe I should tell him? I trust him, and I know he'll help me, but I don't want to worry him.
     "Yeah I'm sure, I'm just Tired."
Adrien's POV
We were in the classroom and Ms. Bustier was teaching us about the Revolutionary War. But I can't seem to pay attention. Three words kept on repeating in my head. "I'm just tired", Why did that seem like a lie? Mari hasn't been herself in awhile and I don't think she knows Nino, Alya, and I have noticed. Marinette's tried her hardest to hide it but behind that smile is something dark. You can see it in her eyes, too. They used to have a sparkle in them and were a beautiful sky blue. Now the sparkle is gone, like she has lost all hope. And the color of her eyes is now a dark blue. A blue that knows the cruel reality of this world. What the hell happened to her? Whatever it was, he was going to figure it out.
Not only that, but Ladybug has seemed off too. And she's always tired with that same dull look in her eyes as Marinette. It's as If their dead. Now, he was really worried. He had no clue what was going on with them and until he does, he doesn't know how to help them.
Just then, I heard the bell ring to signal lunch. This is my chance I thought. I could finally get Marinette to tell me the truth. Hopefully. As I see Mari walk down the stairs I quickly grab her wrist and see her wince, so I loosen my grip on her wrist, taking note on how skinny she looked. Almost deathly skinny.
"Hey Mari, can I talk to you for a sec?" I ask her, and when I do she looks conflicted, like she might say no. She finally gives in and offers a small smile, but it looks forced.
"S-sure."
I give her a wide smile, "Thanks!". We then wait until everyone one leaves. The teacher is on her lunch break, so she leaves too. I tell Ms.Bustier that I have to ask Mari something so she lets us stay. I give a nod to Alya and Nino to signal that we'll meet up with them later. I then turn to Marinette turning the mood to a more serious one. I see the fear in her eyes, I don't want her to be afraid but I need to know so I can help her. "So Mari, What's wrong? Please don't lie to me, you got Alya, Nino, and I worried, so please tell us. Please, tell me." I say in such a pleading tone that I almost cringe.
Marinette's POV
Stay calm. He doesn't know anything. Yet. Just smile, keep on smiling. Smile until your alone, and then you can cry. Stay calm. Breathe. 1,2,3, breathe in. 1,2,3, breathe out. My hands were shaking now and I was starting to sweat and I bet my eyes were dilating. And that stare he was giving me was NOT helping.
"I already told you, I'm fine." I said in the happiest voice I could muster. But he still didn't look convinced. What else could I do? I'm fine. I'm fine.
"Mari-" But the bell rung, which meant that lunch is over. Saved by the bell.
"I have to get to class. See you Later." I said with no emotion in my voice. And then I walk out to get the rest of the already shitty day over with.
I avoided him like the plague after our little talk. If you could even call it a conversation. Every chance Adrien got to talk to me I would ignore him. I'm being my stupid idiotic self again. This just gives him more evidence that something's not right with me. The only things that have gone right today is that there has been no akumas, and Chloe wasn't here because she was sick. I'm now walking out of school and to my home. I have this sudden urge to drag a blade through my skin. To take out everything that's happened today on myself. I know I have to eat something today, or I wouldn't be able to function well enough to be Ladybug. I'm dreading it.
"Hey Girl!" I turned around to see Alya, my best friend.
"Hey Alya!"I say. I then notice Nino and Adrien behind her.
"I was wondering if tomorrow we could all have a sleepover at you house. It's a Friday and we haven't hung out outside of school in awhile." Alya asked with hope in her eyes.
What am I supposed to do now? I know they don't want to have a sleepover to just 'hang out'. They probably want to know what's been going on with me. I could say I'm busy tomorrow, but they'll probably just ask again another time.
"Sure!"

So I'm not exactly happy with this chapter, but I had to make the story kind of slow at first so I can build up the plot line. Well, I hope you like it so far! I'll try to post a new chapter once a week on Saturday's or Sunday's. If you have any ideas for this story, please tell me! I'll give you credit if I see an idea I really like (I'll also tell you/ask if I can use it). Thank you for reading! I hope you all have a wonderful new year.