Help Calm My Mind

Dark Day

Marinette's POV
I woke up to the smell of pancakes and bacon filling my nose making me grow hungry. Breakfast. I was so hungry but I didn't have an appetite. If I ate, I feel like I would just throw it up. It wasn't even noon and I was already feel like shit. I knew it was going to be a dark day. Dark days are when my depression and anxiety are at there worse for almost no reason at all. I grimaced to myself, they found out last night so I was hoping that it wouldn't be so bad today and I could try to convince them that I was already getting better. But how could I do that when I felt so dead?
I looked around to see Alya and Nino still asleep. I remember all of their pain filled expressions from last night and I was immediately overwhelmed by guilt. Why did all my friends have to be in pain? Why couldn't I be the only one to bear the pain of this world?
"I see you're already up, how did you sleep?" Adrien asked as he walked out of the bedroom. I couldn't help but blush, he looked adorable. His bright green T-shirt and black pajama pants with three paw prints on the bottom the same color as his shirt. His hair was disheveled and he looked relaxed. I loved seeing him like this, he wasn't playing a role of a model or a perfect son, he was being himself.
I mustered a smile, "Yeah I slept really good! What about you?" They already knew I was messed up, so why am I still lying to them? I hadn't slept a wink last night and all I wanted to do right now was feel the familiar pain up my wrists and down my legs.
Adrien seemed to notice, too.
"Hey, are you okay?" He said with the same kindness in his voice as always. But instead of soothing me like it usually does, all it did was irritate me. Of course I wasn't okay! I haven't been for a long time, and now that my closest friends know I feel even worse. All their pain from last night was my fault, so how can they still be so kind? How can they not despise me?
I was about to yell at him that I wasn't okay that I slept terribly last night and most of all, I wanted to tell them how bad I felt for burdening them. Just as I opened up my mouth I was cut off by a yawn.
"Good morning guys!" Alya said with tiredness in her voice.
"Good morning dudes." Nino said starting to wake up. They both rubbed there eyes and I could start to see the tiredness leave their eyes.
"Good morning!" I say with as much happiness I could put in it. I cringed at how fake I sounded. I wonder how long it will take before I don't have to fake it, when the happiness comes out naturally.
I look up to see them looking at me with worry and pity. I don't need pity, I need company, a shoulder to lean on. I don't need someone to fight for me, I need someone who can support me.
Nino decided to break that silence, "dude, what's that amazing smell? It smells like heaven.'' He started to drool and I couldn't stop my stomach from growling. I haven't eaten in awhile and I was loosing energy faster than I thought I would be.
"That's probably my mom making breakfast, everyone hungry?" Nino and Adrien nodded their heads while I started to panic.
"Thank you, but I'm not hungry." I lied. I wanted food so bad, I needed it to be Ladybug. Ladybug was all that mattered, no Ladybug equals no one to purify akumas. But I couldn't eat, not until I was happy.
Adrien put his hands together in a pleading motion. While he gave me his best puppy dog eyes that he knew I couldn't resist, he said "pleaseeeee, Mari. Could you at least eat half a pancake?" He asked in the best begging voice he could muster. I couldn't help it, and slowly nodded my head knowing that I was probably going to throw it up anyways. It was worth it though, as I saw Adrien's face light up like the sun itself and I felt my heartbeat speed up.
    This was going to a long day.
    Just as we were about to leave Alya's room we heard screams outside. It was an akuma attack. This was bad, I don't know how much longer I can last without food. I'll have to make this quick because right now, I could barely walk without feeling out of breath.
    "Sorry Alya, I have to go and make sure my parents are okay. Can I get my stuff after the akuma is defeated?" I knew I didn't have a lot of time before all my energy would be drained, I needed to hurry.
    Adrien then turned to Alya with an apologetic look on his face and said, "I have to go home as well, my dad wants me to go straight home during akuma attacks." I looked at him with suspicion. Something seemed so rehearsed about the way he said that. I didn't have time to think about it though, I had an akuma to defeat.
    "Be safe!" I yelled at them before I ran out the door and hid in a short Alley. I looked at Tikki who had a worried expression on her face.
    "Are you sure you can do this, Marinette? I can feel your energy draining and you look exhausted." I was exhausted and I felt like I was going to pass out any minute now. But I had no other choice.
    "It doesn't matter, Tikki. Without Ladybug Chat would be alone and I'm the only one that can purify akumas." I told her quickly, "I have to do this. Tikki, Spots on!" I felt the warmth of the magic cast over me like a warm hug. Just before I jumped off towards the attack, I made a quick mental note to purify the akuma that took over my dad after I finish with this one. With that, I jumped towards Notre Dame which seemed to be where all the screams were coming from.
    I tripped a lot when I was running towards it and I could feel myself loosing focus even more now, but I made it.
    "Good morning M'lady. How have you been?" He asked such a simple question, but I knew it had more meaning behind it. We both did.
    "Sorry kitty, but I don't have time to talk. We have to beat this akuma quickly." I told him before I jumped towards the akuma.
    We beat the akuma in around five minutes. The akuma was a kid who was bullied about his hair being to long and he finally snapped. Once we defeated him Chat and I told the little boy that we loved his hair and that he should report the bullying to a trusted adult. He quickly cheered up and raced home. I suddenly started to feel really dizzy and my eyesight started to blur.
"LB? Are you okay?" Chat asked me. I tried to say that I was fine but my brain couldn't form any words. That's when my eyesight started to go black and I thought how pathetic I was. I started to lean forward, gravity taking me to the ground and just like that, I passed out.
"Ladybug!"