Help Calm My Mind

Friday

Marinette's POV
Not long after my little breakdown with Chat I soon had to go home as my earrings began to beep. I was now in my room laying on my bed with my headphones on full blast. I couldn't help but think how pathetic I was. How could I let myself break in front of Chat? Now I'm just going to make things worse. What if he asks me why I was so upset? Or what if he judges me? I then scolded myself, how could I be so stupid? Chat would never do that to me, and if I were to tell someone what's been happening, he would be the first. I trust him with my life and to be honest, I was starting to have feelings for him. But I still loved Adrien, no doubt about that. But could it be possible to love two people at the same time? Before I could start thinking about it anymore, sleep over took me for the first time in awhile. And this time it didn't show me my father's harsh face, but it embraced me with a warmth and comfort that I thought only my kitty could give me. For the first time in awhile, I welcomed sleep.
I woke up as my alarm went off.
Today was Friday.
I instantly went into this fight or flight mode. Not even registering my parent's yelling, to used to it by now. To numb. Today was Friday. The day of the sleepover.  As I was getting dressed - a pastel pink-net sweater, black leggings, with black docs- I couldn't help but come up with excuses on why I couldn't come, I could say I had lots of homework, or my parents didn't want them to come.
My parents.
What if they start arguing when my friends are here? That would cause a whole new set of problems I wasn't ready for. But then I knew that they wouldn't fight when company was over, they wouldn't want to bother other people with their problems. So I quickly dismissed that cloud of worry. I then soon came to the realization that there was no way around this sleepover, either. My best plan was to act like everything was fine and hope that some of my Ladybug luck will kick in and they won't ask anything.
I knew it was false hope though.
I now had a sudden urge to cut, to carve, to feel pain. But I couldn't. I had school, and after that, a sleepover. As I was walking down the stairs I heard my parents were yelling. More like my dad yelling. After months of this... of this abuse. My mom stopped trying to defend herself. She almost looked like she was dead. And it terrified me, right down to the bone. I missed it. I missed the smiles, the warm hugs, and the loved that filled the room that at times, felt like a big hug all on it's own.
But I'll never be getting it back. Even if my parents stopped fighting, it still wouldn't be the same. The air would still be stiff and unloving. The day had just began and I was already working myself in a panic attack and I had already resisted the urge to cut. This day is going to be great, just great.
I rushed past, my parents not even saying goodbye. And the sad thing is, they didn't either. My life was falling apart and all I could do is watch. As it crumbled to pieces, each one feeling like a stab at the heart.
"Hey girl! Excited for the sleepover?" I was now at the school.  My lungs burning from the run to school.
"Of course! I've been looking forward to it!" More like dreading it.
Narrator's POV
They then started to walk to class and the whole way there Marinette fought to hold back her tears. How was she supposed to survive today? It seemed impossible. Once they took their seats they took up some friendly conversations. The two boys in front of them then decided also join in the conversation.
"Are you guys excited for the sleep over?" Asked Nino.
"Of course! Marinette said she's been looking forward to it! Right Mari?" Alya said with a look in her eyes that kind of worried Marinette. It was like she was looking for something. Something wrong.
It took her awhile to find her voice, as she didn't want it to waver or crack and show her that was the opposite of her feelings.
       "Right!" Is this all she could do now? Lie and lie and lie. It seemed that was the only thing she was good at. Was she really this useless?
    School went by pretty peacefully, even Chloé didn't give her the time of day. But soon it ended and Marinette was walking out of school, her legs feeling like lead. She just wanted to lay in bed and never get back up again. Everything exhausted her. Her depression won't let her do anything. Her grades were slowly dropping, but she didn't have the motivation for school anymore. While the anxiety won't let her sleep. Telling her every mistake she's ever made and telling, screaming, at her to do something. Something. It was a never ending war, and she didn't know how much more she could take.   
Marinette's POV
    I looked up from my feet so see Nino, Alya, and Adrien walking up to me. They had all their supplies for the sleepover and I assumed they had put all their bags in their lockers. I smiled at them, trying to put a mask of excitement on my face to cover the sheer panic that I was actually feeling.
    "Hey guys! Ready to go to my house?" I asked, making sure everyone was ready to go to my house. Awhile ago I decided that I wouldn't call my house home because, now, it felt nothing like it. It felt like an empty shell of what it once was.
    "Yup! Let's start walking to your house. Maybe we can get some macaroons?" Alya asked hopefully.
    "Of course! You guys can have as many as you want!" It's not like I'm going to eat them anyways. Once I said this I saw their eyes light up with happiness that I wished I had. We then started to walk to the bakery.
    It wasn't a long walk. We made short conversations that I wasn't paying much attention to. Each step I took the feeling of something bad happening grew stronger. When I opened the door, my hands were shaking in anxiety but the others didn't seem to notice. This worry that not even I understood was drowning me. Not until we stepped inside did they stop talking. A sound so familiar to me was up stairs, and it took me awhile to fully register what was happening
    My parents were fighting.
    Shit.
   
I hoped you guys liked this chapter! Sorry it took me awhile to update, I'm really busy with school and life itself. I'll try to update at least once a week. So, yeah, I think that's it! I hope you have an amazing day. Bye!