Help Calm My Mind

How It All Started

    Warning: this includes bullying, self harm, eating disorders and panic attacks. If this triggers you or bothers you in any way do not read.

   If you asked Marinette what happened to her to make her like this. She would probably say she didn't know. But if you gave her time and she really thought about it, she would say everything happened.
Narrator's POV
~6 months ago~
    Everything was perfect. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and Adrien was smiling that perfect smile of his. Marinette was happy. Everything was going well for her. She was doing well in school, her and Adrien were, and dare she say, best friends, and the bakery was as popular as ever. Everything was perfect and nothing could ruin that.
    "Well if it isn't Mari-Trash."
    Maybe something could ruin her perfect day.
    Stopping her conversation with Alya, she looked up at Chloé.
    "What do you want Chloé? Hairspray? Sorry, but I don't have any." This gained a few giggles from her friends, who were now looking at her and the blonde.
    Now angry, Chloé said in her annoying voice, "I was wondering what you've been eating. Like, look at you. You've obviously gained a few pounds." She then proceeded to walk to her seat with the same bitchy smile just as the teacher came in and started class.
    "You okay, girl? That was harsh, even for Chloé." Alya asked, but not really worried knowing that Marinette rarely was bothered by the girl's harsh words.
    "Yeah, don't worry. I'm fine." Marinette told her friend, giving a smile. A forced smile.
Marinette's POV
     I was bothered. Usually Chloé never bothers me with her words. So why was it bothering me now? Because you're fat. I would skip lunch today. I have been eating a bit more recently, but that's because I need the energy for Ladybug.
    As the bell rung for lunch, I packed my bags deciding that I wasn't really hungry anymore and would skip lunch for today. As I was walking I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with me. Sure, I wasn't the most confident person in the school and I certainly had doubts about myself. But lately things have gotten so much worse lately. At first I didn't notice it that much, but about two weeks ago Chloé's words started getting to me. And worse yet, I believed them. When she said I was dumb, I started to believe her, When she said I was useless I didn't believe her at first, but then things kept on happening and then I soon believed that, too.
    "Marinette are you okay? You seem distant." I was now at the lunch table. I didn't even remember walking here, I was too lost in thought. And now I was staring at a pair of bright green eyes. Releasing the breath I didn't even know I was holding, I felt myself come back to a reality I didn't even know I was in.
    "Yeah, I'm fine. Just lost in thought." He still didn't seem convinced, so I smiled at him to try to convince him. Which did just the trick.
    "Girl, where's your lunch?" Now my attention was turned to her. And I had an urge to tell another lie through my teeth.
    "I'm not hungry. I had a big breakfast." Why was I lying? I didn't even have breakfast today because I woke up late and had to skip it or I would've been late to school. I've told a lot of lies today and I'm usually very honest, unless it has something to do with my alter ego.
I'm fine.
Why did I keep saying that? Because right now, I wasn't. Far from it actually. So why was I telling them that I was? Was it because I didn't want to worry them? Or was it because I didn't want to burden them? I didn't know, and that's what worried me. Above everything else. I knew I trusted them. I would take a bullet for them. Adrien, Alya, and Nino met the world to me and I didn't want to loose them. This was one of the main things that motivated me when I'm Ladybug. To protect the people I love. But right now, all I could seem to do is lie to them. And I hated it.
    I soon became very accustomed to it.
    Coming back out of my trance for the second time that day, I realized I was walking out of the school entrance. As I was just about to walk home, when I saw Adrien run up to me.
    "Hey, I was wondering if you wanted a ride. I'd be happy to give you one." I smiled. He was always so kind. One of the reasons why I was hopelessly in love with him. I took his offer, not having enough energy to walk to my home. Even if it wasn't that far away from school.
    While we were in his limo I decided to thank him. "Thank you for the ride. It was really nice of you."
    "No problem! I was planning to go to the bakery to buy some macaroons." He said as excitement filled his eyes as he thought about the macaroons. I couldn't help but giggle.
    "Well then, Let me return the favor. It's on the house. As many macaroons as you want." I said to him. Excited to give him Paris's best macaroons. Just then Adrien's butler gave him a stare as if he was reminding him of something. After doing this, Adrien's face was masked with disappointment.
    "I'm so sorry Mari. I forgot I have piano lessons right after this. I guess I won't be able to get the macaroons."
    "Don't worry, I'll give you a box tomorrow at school." I said, disappointed I wouldn't get to spend time with my crush.
    His eyes lit up with pure happiness. I couldn't help but be happy too. "Really? You're the best! Thank you!" The boy said just as they pulled up to the bakery.
    As Marinette got out of the car she said one last thank you and went into the bakery, excited to feel the warmth and love in her home after the confusing day she just had.
    Only that feeling wasn't there.
Narrator's POV
    There were no customers in the bakery so Marinette decided to close the bakery early today. She flipped the sign so people could read it was closed. Marinette then started to walk up to their living room which was feeling kind of empty without that usual warmth of it. Marinette was just about to open the door to the living room when she heard yelling. It was her parents and her parents NEVER fought. Opening the door just a crack so she could see what was going on, Marinette saw something she thought she would never see.  Her parents were yelling at each other. Screaming profanities as there faces became red with anger.
    "Tom, be quiet. Marinette is supposed to be here soon. I don't want her to see us like this." Sabine, Marinette's mother said as she tried to quiet him.
    "Like I care anymore. We've been fighting like this for weeks now. She'll find out sooner or later." Her dad said. Marinette was shocked by her father's voice. His usual kind and calm voice was gone. Now it was cold and mean, and it scared her more than she'd ever admit. Not even that, but her parents have been like this for weeks now? And they didn't bother to tell her? Didn't they trust her?
    "Tom, please. I don't want to fight anymore. I made a mistake and I'm forever sorry for that, but Marinette doesn't deserve this. Please, I love you." Her mothers voice was heartbroken but still had love in it. By now Marinette's hands were shaking uncontrollably and she was glad that she didn't eat anything today, or she would have just thrown it all up.
    "Bullshit." Her father never cusses. "If you truly loved me, you wouldn't have let that guy kissed you." Now, Marinette was finding it hard to breathe and her vision was loosing focus. Mom kissed someone else? Why?
    "Tom, I didn't want to kiss him! He forced me into it. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. Just please, stop." Her mother was crying now, but her father still had that ice cold look. It was like he was a complete stranger. Her own father.
    "Tikki?" Marinette asked. Now her legs were shaking and she wanted to cry. Oh my god, how much she wanted to cry.
    Tikki looked at her. Tikki didn't even bother hiding her tears. Marinette didn't deserve this. "Of course, Marinette." Not even a second later, Tikki was being sucked into the earrings and in Marinette's place was now Ladybug, the superhero.
    She ran. She ran away from her parents, Chloé, responsibilities, but what frustrated her the most was that she couldn't, no matter how fast and how far she ran, she couldn't run away from herself.
~The next day~
    Marinette woke up crying.
    Her dreams were taunting her, saying she was fat, useless, a waste of space, and worst of all, her dreams showed her her father's face. That cold unforgiving face. The face of a stranger.
    School wasn't much. She hung out with her friends, deciding not to tell them about what happened. She thought it wouldn't go well if she said 'Hey guys! Yesterday I had a panic attack because I found out that my parents have been fighting for weeks now. So yeah, my evening was pretty good'. Yeah that wouldn't go pretty well. Chloé taunted her, too, but by then, Marinette had spaced out. The only thing that went really good was Adrien's face when she gave hime the box of macaroons. One of each flavor. His face lit up like a child during Christmas morning and with a quick thank you, shoved one in his face. That was the only time she laughed that day.
    She couldn't focus on school and she felt bad because she was using her friends to distract her from her thoughts. The image her of father's face was haunting her, and will probably continue to. She skipped lunch again without even thinking about it. And soon, School was over and she walked out without even saying goodbye. What She did miss was her friends shooting her worried glances as she started to walk home.

    A week later she started cutting.
    She didn't know why she did it. She didn't even realize she was doing it until the razor was already sinking into her arm. Marinette had a particularly bad day that day. Chloé stepped up her game and when her friends were out of ear shot, she said that Marinette should just kill herself already. And when she got home, her parents had gotten into another fight again. Worse this time. With her dad doing most of the yelling, and her mom just standing there. She realized that her mom's eyes weren't bright anymore, they were dull with no sparkle.
    After going through this hell of a day she couldn't take it anymore. She tried to talk to Tikki at first because talking to her calmed her down when she was having a panic attack. Being Ladybug did, too. What helped her the most was Chat. When she thought she couldn't smile or laugh anymore, Chat would always prove that she was wrong.
    She also found that this helped, too.
    Marinette laid on the bathroom floor with five cuts on her wrist and tears streaming down her face.
    But no matter what she did, nothing could help calm her mind

    This chapter is finally done! I thought it would be cool and informational if I wrote a chapter on how Marinette fell down this deep depression. I hoped you liked it! If you have any ideas for the next chapter (which will be set in current time) Please tell me. I'll ask you if I could use your idea, and I'll give you credit too!
    I hope you had a great new year! The next chapter should be out by SUNDAY.
    I hope you have a great day!