Help Calm My Mind

Giving Up

Alya's POV
Something's wrong with Marinette. I can tell. Her hands are shaking and she doesn't have that usual light in her eyes. I tried to ignore it and try to start up some kind of conversation. These days it was so hard to talk to Marinette, she would talk only when spoken too and when you asked her something she would keep it as brief and short as possible. And the worst part of it was, was that I couldn't do anything about it. It hurt like hell to think my best friend was suffering and I didn't know what to do about it. The best I could do was to try to make her smile, and on rare occasions, make her laugh.
"Hey guys? What do you want to do when we get Marinette's house?" I asked trying to distract Marinette from whatever was going on in her head.
"We could do some games. I bet I could beat all you guys in Ulta Mega Strike III. What do you think Mari? Want to help me wipe the floor with them?" Adrien asked, seemingly trying to do the same thing I was.
"Huh? Oh, sure." Marinette said, but it was so monotonous. If Adrien ever talked to her, and I mean EVER talked to her, she would at least get red in the cheeks.
Without even realizing, we reach her door. Nino, Adrien, and I all shared worried glances at each other as we noticed her hands were shaking harder and Marinette's eyes were dilating. When she opened the door, I heard something that I didn't even think could be possible in the Dupain-Cheng household.
Her parents. They were yelling.
And it seemed they were yelling at each other.
Marinette's POV
"Shit." I whispered underneath my breath, quiet enough so my friends wouldn't hear. I hear all of their sharp intakes of breath, so sharp that it would no doubt cut right through me. I felt Tikki hug me through my purse. She was the only source of comfort I had in this moment, where I was probably having one of the biggest panic attacks of my little pathetic life. And my friends were watching. Months of hiding this from them, months of building walls of secrets, months of lies. All that I've done to keep this, everything, a secret will soon be gone now. And all I could do was stand there while my parents were probably having one of their worst fights yet.
You're so stupid. You shouldn't have brought your friends here. You're so Fucking stupid.
"Alya?" I said, trying but failing at hiding the waver from my voice. My lack of oxygen making me feel a tiny bit light headed.
"Yeah?" She said, barely above a whisper. They were staring at me, I knew they were expecting answers. They wouldn't be getting any. For now, at least.
"Could we do the sleepover at your house?" I asked her still staring inside the bakery. My mind was slowly loosing control of, well, everything.
"Yeah, of course." This is why I'm so grateful for a best friend like Alya. She's always there for me, even when she doesn't know what's going on.
"Ok." My voice was stranger now. My inner Ladybug coming out and taking control. "You guys stay here. I'm going upstairs to get my stuff. Please treat yourselves to some snacks.
I then proceeded to go upstairs and prepared myself for something worse than hell.
Adrien's POV
"I'm going to go to the restroom real quick." I lied through my teeth. If I told Alya and Nino what I was really up to, they would want to join in, and in this case, I think having all of us go see Marinette will make her close off to us. The image of Ladybug flashes through my head for a second. She hasn't been herself either. Yesterday proved it, when she cried in my arms with a look that told me she was right on the edge of giving up. Marinette had the same look now, as I opened the door just a crack to see what was happening, she had that look. But now, I knew she had given up, her face void of any emotion, but her eyes were a different story. Her eyes were no longer blue, but a dark grey covered with heartbreak and mistrust. Even when she started to act... to act like this, her eyes held hope in them, and that made me hopeful, too. At this hour though, It scared me to think that I might never get the same Mari back again.
Marinette's POV
    I stopped in my tracks that were once to my bedroom and looked straight ahead at what was in front of me. I was hidden just enough behind a corner that lead to my room that my parents couldn't see me. I looked with wide eyes at my dad. He had a beer bottle in his hand and was clearly drunk. My dad never drank. He didn't seem like a stranger to me anymore, but a monster. At that moment I knew, I would never be able to get my father back to the loving, caring man he once was. My eyes then slowly shifted to my mother, and that's when realization hit me like a truck.
    I now knew that I hadn't only lost my father, but my mother as well. As I looked at her I noticed that both her sleeves were rolled up and my dad was now grabbing her wrists painfully, sure to leave some bruises. As my eyes continued up her arms I noticed many scars that were no doubt self-inflicted. I then noticed some new ones that were still so fresh that they were still bleeding. My dad didn't even care, that his once true love was harming herself. He was to self-absorbed at yelling at her that the outside world to him was a fake, and his was the true one.
    The worst part about this was that I didn't notice. I should have known that my own mother was hurting herself. I mark up my own skin God Dammit, I should know the Fucking signs! This is all my fault that I couldn't save my mom or dad. I thought I had already reached my all time low, but I was wrong. So, so, wrong. I had hope before, that I could save myself and return to my old cheerful self, but that was just a child's dream. I hadn't only lost my own parents, but I lost myself.
    I give up.

    So sorry it took me so long to update! I've been really sick and busy these last two weeks, but as soon as I get better I'll try to update once a week (or more if I feel like it :)). Next chapter will be about the sleepover, and will hopefully be a two parter.
    I want to tell you that if someone you know, or even yourself, are self-harming or having issues with your mental health, it is NOT your fault. No matter what happened, or what you think, it's not your fault. Don't give up, if you think your at your lowest, just remember, the only way is up!
    Have a great week everyone!