The View

16

I couldn't help but feel my cheeks tighten after smiling too much this afternoon. Sam held my hand tightly in his as we walked up the sandy shore. I looked at the water.

"You know that my family was super excited when I told them that you said yes." Sam said happily. "And Em, Annie and my mom wanna take you dress shopping."

"But we need time to-"

"No no no, baby, I'm just saying they are thrilled to welcome you to the fam." Sam said throwing his arm over my shoulder.

"They don't think we're too young?"

"Well, sure we're young. But like I said, I know it's right. Being away from you, even if it's just for a day, persuades my decision even more. I love you Kayla." He said quietly. I smiled and kissed his lips. 

The rest of the night we just walked along the shore, hand in hand.

****Next Day****

"Can you get me a cup too?" I asked Shawn as he poured himself some hot tea. He nodded, grabbing me a mug and pouriong it in. My body warmed up as my hands held the cup.

"Are you excited?"

"For what?" I asked him.

"Well Sam and you." He laughed and I shrugged.

"I'm kinda nervous. I feel like he's too good for me."

"Bull shit." I clenched my jaw as I've never heard him swear. "You're lying. Farthest thing from not good enough Bayla, you're too good for everyone basically. In a good way. You offer so much and ask for so little in return." He said and I grinned widly.

"Really? You think this is a good idea?"

"Yeah, I really do. You two are so in love, it makes the rest of us want to be you guys." He took one of my hands and squeezed it. "We're so happy that you guys found eachother."

I turned to see Matt and Sam walking down the stairs. Sam smiled at me and Matt made a kissy noise.

"I hate you Espinosa. With all my being." I said shaking my head at him. He ran over and took the mug from my hand, setting it down and throwing me over his shoulder. "YOU BETTER NOT!" I screamed as he opened the sliding door and made his way to the pool. Within seconds I was in, drowned in the warm water. I spit the water out of my mouth and starred at him.

"Sorry cat, I had to!" He said I I shook my head, making my way to the stairs and climbing out. By the time I was out, the Jacks, Shawn and Sam were all watching.

"I'm glad you did that Matty boy, because now I have a reason to do this!" I raised my finger high in the sky towards him and his eyes grew big. "I hate you Matt. Go to hell!" I yelled! I pushed past the guys, partially embarrased and pissed.

When I was in Sam and I's room I looked at myself in the mirror and huffed. I ran my finger along my chest, wanting to see definite collar bones. I felt my stomach only to wince in pain. I looked down at my legs. Long and not skinny. 

"Why can't you be perfect?" I asked myself. My reflection did only as I did, not what I needed to see or hear. 

"Everythinkg okay?" I heard someone ask from behind me. I turned to see Shawn standing in the doorway. I shook my head and he chuckled. "You suck at lying." He came over and sat on the small chaise at the end of the bed. I grabbed a towel from the pile on the floor, hopefully clean, and sat on it. I was still soaked.

"I hate myself. I'm not good enough. I mean it. Do you look at your fans and just instantly fall in love with them because they're attractive? Because if I was you, just based on how pretty some fans are, I would." I said and Shawn just sat there, listening proudly. "Or how about this- Would you rather date a girl with a short and skinny frame, or a tall but fuller frame?" I asked and he didn't answer. "Say something, please."

"What's there to say?"

"You could answer my questions."

"You wouldn't believe them anyway. You are in charge of your feelings Kayla. If you don't like yourself, nobody else can help. The most important thing to do is love yourself. Sure, some of my fans are attractive based on looks, but ALL of them are extra attractive because they are real and have an amazing personality." He said. "I would date anyone if I liked them as a person, not as a mannequin." I swallowed hard and let my head fall. Shawn shifted beside me. "The reason you feel like this, is because you keep comparing yourself to others. Stop it. And then maybe you would realize how amazing you really are." He said more hopeful.

---------------

I stepped out of the shower and dried my hair. I put on a pair of shorts and a shirt. I let my hair hang damp and messy. I walked into the bedroom and pulled back the covers. I climbed in and pulled them back over me. The TV was already on from when after Shawn left, so I just changed it to HGTV.

The blankets were tightly wrapped around my body and I cuddled further into the mattress to get warmer. The TV glowed in the dark room.

I saw a small amount of light creep in and then vanished as someone entered the room. I felt the bed shift as Sam crawled in. He didn't wrap his arms around me or anything. He just laid there. I turned to look at his face.

"Where's Sam?" I asked Matt, confused. 

"The Jacks, Shawn, and him went to the studio. And I was going to go with but I felt bad." He said. "Do you really hate me?" 

"Of course not Matt. You're one of my best friends. After Shawn talked to me, I realized that I just take my own problems out on others. I don't really know how to control my own feelings. But I thinkI can start figuring it out. I'm sorry, I know you were just trying to have fun." I said and he laughed... he actually wouldn't stop laughing.

"Kayla, all we ever do is have fun. You're not yourself these days, which restricts fun from happening.  Most importantly, you need to be okay with yourself and everything you have gone through, and are going to go through." I shut off the TV and turned on the light. 

"I know what we can do!" I screamed. He laughed and followed me as I ran downstairs.

"Kayla... you're wearing pjs." He said and I looked down. 

"Be right back!" I yelled, running back upstairs and changing into jeans and a sweatshirt. Once I got back downstairs, Matt followed me out to my car and I drove to the pier.

"Why here?"

"Well... I like rollarcoaster. So we're going to have fun like we used to because I do accept myself. Thanks Matt." I said. He nodded and hugged me tightly.

"Let's go on the big one first!" He said and we raced for it.