My Story

E P I P H A N Y

I desire control,

I crave the feeling of control

almost as if I long to hold the reigns of a stallion to have the feeling of authority.

I once had a secret lover,

the one who would hide me from the world by keeping me beneath the covers,

the one who would leave cold, crisp kisses upon my skin that left marks the following sunshine,

the one I've missed, the one I want to run to when times get hard.

My secret lover, why did I miss you so dearly especially in times of need?

C o n t r o l.

It has occurred to me that I long for that feeling due to the situations which I cannot escape from. 

I could not escape when my begs were muffled,

or when my bags were thrown outside a place I once called home,

but I'm able to regain a sense of feeling by running to my secret lover as he reminds me of the choices I've made.

Quite possibly, this desire to be in control has been instilled into my mind since birth from a woman who crumbles without it, a desperate need to maintain a narrative.

But silly woman,

you cannot control me as I've proven to be the stallion within the wild; a free-spirit.

You cannot control something that's meant to be free, you cannot control me.

I've made the choices, the regrets, the failures,

I've chosen my secret lover when the walls of my emotions crumble down to dust,

but now,

I came to the realization of my self-destruction and the cause of it.

G r o w t h

 I will grow as the painful, uncomfortable circumstances allow it to occur;

a caterpillar trying to escape its shell, a bud trying to rise through the dirt.

I'm not afraid of life as my secret lover is gone,

I do not depend on him to make excuses for my life anymore.

I am me,

I am growing,

and I'll be everything I set myself out to be.

Free-spirits are never meant to be tamed.