Yesterday I cried;
as if the facade, the dream abruptly ended
As if the rose-colored fantasy glitched and reality hit.
Once again, I must look at the eyes of my inner child and say:
"We must move. I know you fell. I know you scraped your knee and it hurts tremendously, but we have to move on. It's the only way."
Time lost its meaning as I wish to cry and sleep until the feeling of numbness returns, but that is not the life I wish to live.
Yesterday I cried while trudging on my dark path with the illumination of the moon, looking for a place that feels like home. My insecurities led me to the ocean and as I stepped out, the undertow caught me; a place between the surface and the depths of the ocean. I couldn't move.
I cried as I looked to the light and wondered "is this some sort of sick joke? Don't I deserve love? Especially after everything this rotten place has given to me?"
Today, I bloomed.
I grieved over what could have been and what should have been. My tears washed away the scars on my knee and I know what is needed of me.
Today, I bloomed despite my stems being fragile and my leaves falling off due to the harsh conditions, but do not mistake me for being a fool.
Do not mistake my weakness as a victory, as some sort of satisfaction.
I've been through hell and back and this is nothing remotely closed to what I have endured in my life.
I can stand on my own without needing another for support. I can live without the support of others. As weary as I am, I'm taking all of my belongings to continue on my path, I know my strength.
Every night, the moon glistens in my room to provide me solace.
Every morning, the sun shines through the broken cracks of my heart, of my soul.
Yesterday I cried, a part of me that is no longer mine. A chapter that ended abruptly. A dream, a fantasy that I wished to last lifetimes.
Today I bloomed, a realization of my strength and my perseverance. I offer comfort within my arms despite being met with the cold, harsh reality, but I will not allow pain to tarnish the warmth in my heart.
I looked in the eyes of my inner child and said,
"You have the heart of a lion. Whether you are loved or not, you will shine through adversity. You were not meant to be in this life to crack in the hands of those who do not appreciate you, of those who do not know how to love anything else but their ego. You will continue on despite all the damage you feel in your heart because you've done it before. You are not weak."
Yesterday, I cried for the girl who allowed herself to be vulnerable which resulted in pure anguish, pure agony. However, I will not shy away from the damage. I am not broken, I am me.
Today, I bloomed as I choose not to allow the pain to define me, as I used my tears to wash away my wounds. I will continue on whether you're by my side or not. I was not put in this world to remain stagnant. I allow the sun to shine on the damage of others.
I continue to love, I continue to care; that shows my nature.
Today, I bloomed to someone who chooses to continue on despite the pain I have in my chest.
Today, I chose to plant seeds in the holes of my heart.
Today, I will grow.
Today.
-L.T
"April showers bring May flowers."
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My Story
PoesiaLife has been a constant rollercoaster. I've struggled with properly dealing and healing from traumas but writing has and will continue to be my primary outlet of such emotions. Enjoy and never forget, life moves on.
