mistakes (jerrie)

part I

Perrie 

On my first day out of rehab, I was already determined to get my hands on something. Weed, alcohol, coke, edibles, ecstasy, really anything. I was craving it, I needed it. There was only one problem. My mum was on my ass as soon as I left the threshold of the rehab center.

"Perrie, I really need you to take this whole sober thing seriously," my mum ranted to me in the car on our way home. "I'm not sure if you realize how much you're hurting everyone around you. Me, your dad, your brother, your sister. All of your friends. They're hurting too. Your decisions affect everyone around you, not just you".

"I got it mum," I sighed, "That's what I was told every day in that hell hole."

I was not planning on spending my summer before my senior year in a glorified prison. Rehab was an endless cycle of drug tests and group therapy that I am extremely happy to leave behind. All it really taught me was to be careful with doses and to not get caught in possession. Especially not before I turn 18.

The rest of the car ride was silent. All I wanted to do was get home and get the welcome backs over with. As soon as I could get out of my house, the sooner I could get something back in my system for the first time in a month.

~~~~~~~~~~

Pulling up to my house was a surreal experience. The last time I was there was when I decided to take one pill too many and ended up waking up in a hospital bed. My brother was standing in the front door way with his arms crossed. Jonnie had his fair share of run ins with drugs, but he made me promise any sort of experimenting didn't go this far. Sorry Jonnie.

As we pulled into the driveway, Jonnie came up to the passenger side door and opened it as soon as mum unlocked it. I pulled myself out of the car and was met immediately with a hug.

"Welcome back Perrie," Jonnie mumbled, "Don't do that again, okay?"

"Wasn't planning on it."

~~~~~~~~~~

Mum made sure I was settled into my room and then some before she finally decided to go back downstairs. Thank fuck, I was starting to get anxious with her breathing down my back the whole time.

I started to look around my room to see if anyone had touched any of my shit while I was gone. It mostly looked like how I left it, aside from the general cleanliness of it all. Scanning the room still, my eyes landed on a certain picture tacked to the wall next to my bed.

It was a polaroid of my girlfriend and I before all of this shit went down. We had gone to a party where we may or may not have ended up fucking on the roof because all of the rooms were taken.

A week later I overdosed.

While I was in the hospital waiting for a placement in a rehab center, I was able to call Jade. She had no idea I was addicted to anything, so I'm sure the call from my brothers phone to tell her I was in the hospital was a huge shock. I had told her that I would be going to a rehab center and wouldn't be able to see her for a while. I made a promise that I would call when I could. All she said was okay and then hung up.

Spoiler alert: I never called.

I couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt insanely guilty for not telling her sooner, and I didnt want her to have to deal with a worthless girlfriend who was stuck in rehab for a stupid overdose.

Seeing that picture made me feel a bit light headed, forcing me to sit down on my bed. I untacked the picture and stared at it for a little longer.

I love Jade with my entire being, and knowing that I probably hurt her tears me apart. I don't even know if we are still a thing anymore. Technically we never officially broke up, but not talking to someone for a month isn't the most reassuring thing in the world.

I sighed and laid down on my bed, clutching the photo to my chest.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next day I pulled myself out of bed around 10. I never remember falling asleep, but I woke up with the picture in my hand.

I needed to get out of the house. Now.

I got ready in record time and was out the door before mum could notice.

Now, I wasn't exactly sure where I was headed, but I just needed to walk. I would have driven but my licence was suspended as soon as the doctors determined I overdosed.

Before I realized where I was going, I was standing outside of Jade's house. She had been my safe place for the past 3 years, and apparently my autopilot brain knew that.

I probably stood outside, looking up at the house like an idiot for way too long because before I knew it, Norma, Jade's mum opened the door.

"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to come here and give me a hug pet?" She said. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

Hugging Norma could be compared to hugging a pillow or blanket fresh from the dryer. The best. Once we parted, I had to ask her one thing.

"Is Jade home?"

Norma bit her lip before speaking. "She's in her room, just make sure you knock before you enter."

I nodded before I made my way into the house. Nothing had changed and it was still the lovely house I remembered. Each step up the stairs got increasingly harder to take. My whole body was overcome with a sense of dread once I got to the second floor's landing. My heart pounded harder and harder with each step closer to Jade's bedroom door. My hand acted on its own when it knocked. However, a faint reply got me worried.

"Mom I told you, I don't want to eat anything." My eyebrows furrowed immediately.

Jade always had a complicated relationship with food. She had essentially starved herself to a point where she had to be hospitalized. I had been there with her through her recovery, and although she still had a bit of a ways to go in terms of recovery, she was relatively stable 4 years later, and last I checked. That comment instantly gave me the courage to open the door to her room and finally face her.

As soon as I threw open the door, all of that courage was instantly lost once my eyes met hers.

"Perrie?" She asked.

"Yeah. Hi Jade."

Before I could blink, she was in my arms, hugging me with her entire being.

"I-I was so worried, you said you would call but you never did and I never realized you were actually addicted to anything, I thought you just smoked every once and a while and I just felt so bad that I never noticed and you never told me." she paused there. "I thought we could tell each other everything, and that you would have trusted me enough to say something." I held her even tighter. Tears were starting to flow down my face and I could feel her tears hitting my shirt.

"I'm sorry baby." 

The first 2 chapters are from my one shot book so if you havent checked that out you should :)