mistakes (jerrie)

part IX

Jade

I didn't see Perrie all day.

Normally, that would be an issue. I would assume Perrie had to make up a test or just got caught up doing something else. However, it was the first day of school, so it's not like she had any work to catch up on. And she was acting weird in the car on the way here and my brain could only assume the worst.

I sent Perrie the 15th text of the day (with no reply) telling her I was in my car waiting for her and if she wanted a ride she either had to call me and let me know she was okay or I would be leaving in the next ten minutes.

7 minutes later, I was sitting in my car, scrolling through instagram when Perrie, rather aggressively I may add, jumped in my car. She put her head in her hands and just sat there. I was stunned. Perrie would rarely show emotion in front of other people, so after not seeing or hearing from her all day, I didn't know how to react.

"Perrie, what happened?" I asked. She didn't reply, only sniffling a little and burying her head further in her hands. I put my hand on her back, rubbing up and down to try and help her in any way I can.

Finally, Perrie breaks into full on sobs. She fully breaks down, her whole body curling up into a ball and tears freely flowing down her face. She kept saying something over and over again, but I couldn't tell what she was trying to say due to her current state of mind.

"Hey baby, shhh" I muttered, trying to calm her down.

After about 10 minutes of Perrie's breakdown, she finally started to wind down and relax a little.

"Do you want me to drive you home so you can be alone for a little?" I asked softly, knowing that she needs to be alone sometimes after she gets emotional.

Her head quickly shot up and she looked at me with wide, puffy eyes and grabbed my arm.

"Please don't leave me." She said. I gave her a small smile.

"Never," I murmured, "So mine then?"

She nodded, so I turned on the car and started the drive back to my place, my hand never leaving hers.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Jade please don't hate me."

I turned around from my place at my desk with my eyebrow raised. Perrie was laying on my bed on her back, staring at the ceiling.

"Why would I hate you?" I asked, apprehension laced in my voice. Perrie didn't look at me, rather her eyes were fixated on a spot on my roof.

"I got high today." I froze.

"Oh."

I couldn't say anything. Perrie broke her promise. And this wasn't the first time she's had something since she's gotten back. But, at the same time she seemed like she felt bad about it. I mean, she was sobbing in my car and didn't want me to leave her alone, so that has to mean something. I also couldn't keep forgiving her. That would make me lose my sense of person, if that makes sense. I would keep running back to her and I would eventually hate myself for that.

"So um... why did you do that? And ignore me all day. And what did you use anyway?"

She took a deep breath and sat up.

"I couldn't take it Jade. I'm sorry," she said in a surprisingly calm tone, "I couldn't take all the comments and looks from everyone. I had to Jade, it let me forget what was happening around me, I'm so sorry." She pulled her legs into her chest as tears filled her eyes. "I didn't want to ignore you, it's just that while I was coming down from my high I felt the worst guilt I have ever felt in my entire life. And when I got in your car it all just came crashing down on me." I sighed, got up from my desk chair and sat down on my bed next to her. I pulled her into my lap and stroked her hair.

"And what about my last question? What did you use?". She shuffled a bit and pulled a wax pen I had never seen out of her back pocket.

"Here, take it, I don't want it." she murmured. I carefully took the device from her and turned it over in my hands. The cart was half empty, so either she's been using it a lot recently and hasn't said anything, or she had a lot today.

As if reading my mind, Perrie spoke up, "I used most of it today, I got really fucked up, Jesy gave me a really high thc content cart."

"Wait Jesy?" I asked, "Jesy Nelson? As in the girl who was in my math class sophomore year? You bought that from her?" Perrie's eyes went wide and she suddenly whipped around and grabbed my shoulders.

"You have to forget that I said that," She said, looking at me dead in the eyes.

"Is that what you were doing after we went to lunch the day after you came home? When you went to Jesy's apartment you were buying weed?"

"Jade I am being dead serious you can never repeat that to anyone, ever." she continued in the most serious voice I had ever heard her use with me, "Jesy can be bad news, and I promised her you knew nothing and I need you to promise me you will never speak of this. Including to our friends. They cannot know."

"Okay Perrie, I promise."

"Jade, I'm sorry." said, putting her forehead against mine. Her tension seemed to melt away when I put my hand on her cheek, my thumb lightly stroking her. I sighed and connected our lips. When we broke apart, I pulled her into a tight hug. Nothing ever felt so right to me then when she was in my arms.

"I know Perrie, I know"

AN: So like... I had a lot of plans for this book but I'm getting lowkey discouraged. I know we're all in doors (or we should be unless youre really awesome and working an essential job and in that case thank you!) but idk maybe I just need a break from this book? I feel like no one is reading it and that shouldnt matter but like... it helps to know if people are liking it you know? Also I know I should be writing because I like it but Ive been having a lot of fun writing short oneshots in my oneshot book (check it out if you havent already) 

Anyway, sorry for my rant, stay safe and wash your hands