mistakes (jerrie)

part V

Jade

Perrie spent a maximum of 15 minutes inside of Jesy's apartment before she appeared in the doorway, and walked out. Directly towards my car. Well shit.

    She got in on the passengers side and instantly the air in the vehicle got tense. I decided that there was a nice tree outside that deserved my full attention.

    "So you followed me." she said simply, "Guess I should have just let you give me a ride if you were gonna make your way over here anyway."

    "Why did you feel the sudden need to go to Jesy Nelson's place." I asked her, still staring at the tree across the street.

    "Can I not catch up with a friend? I knew she would be home when we were done eating so I made my way over after we ate." My head whipped around to make eye contact with her.

    "And why could I not give you a ride over here then? If you were just coming to visit a friend."

    "Because I wanted you to go home."

    "Perrie, I can take care of myself."

    "Can you Jade? Because I would say otherwise" I shut my mouth. This girl really gets on my nerves sometimes. Without another word, I turned on the car and pulled off of where I was parked against the sidewalk. Perrie rubbed her temples and was taking deep breaths.

    "Jade that's not what I..." I stopped her by putting my finger up. I kept driving.

~~~~~~~~~~

    20 minutes later I put my car in park outside of Perrie's house. While we were not talking during the drive, at least there was some sort of white noise. Now the car was taken over by an extremely heavy silence that neither of us wanted to break. Perrie finally broke the silence.

    "Jade I'm sorry." she said "I know you can take care of yourself it's just that I know you're not eating and it kills me that my overdose triggered that because I know you were doing so well up until then."

    "Perrie you know why I relapsed?" I said, my voice raising with each word, "Maybe it's because my own girlfriend didn't feel like she could tell me about this. Maybe it's because you didn't call me once after you called me from the hospital. Maybe it's because the one thing I thought I had decent control of in my life, a decent understanding of, our relationship, was turned upside down in a matter of minutes," I turned to look directly at her, "Perrie, you didn't feel like you could come to me and tell me that this is what you were doing. And I think that's what hurts the most," the last part came out in a whisper, "Somone that I truly love didn't trust me enough to tell me something was going on." A silence fell upon us once again.

    I didn't realize I was crying until Perrie reached across the center console and wiped a couple stray tears from my cheeks. She pulled me into an awkward hug considering the bit of car in between us. When we finally pulled apart, Perrie spoke.

    "Jade I'm sorry," she said, "I trust you, I swear. I was honestly just too ashamed to tell you. To come talk to you." She paused to kiss me on the cheek. "I didn't want to pull you into this mess with me."

    "But that's what I'm here for," I argued, "I want to know about the shit you get into so I can help you or support you, whatever you need."

    "Jade, honestly, do you want to be with me? Or are you in love with an idea of me." Now that was a good question. Except it wasn't. Because when Perrie is hurting all I want to do is make it better. When she's happy, I'm happy and all I want is the best for her. Sure, she's in a rough space at the moment, but I want to help her in any way I can. So I tell her this. Her only reaction is a nod without eye contact.