teeth → l.h

chapter five;

Helena and Luke decided around three years ago that they would have no romantic attachments to each other. Luke, however, had realized he was in love with Helena when they were eighteen. But after two years of silently loving Helena and pretending he was okay with just sex, Luke decided it was far too late to tell her anything.

At twenty-three, Luke knows a lot more than he did at eighteen. He knows how to make homemade bread, and knows almost everything there is to know about the criminal justice system and the court system. He knows how to solve complex equations at an alarming speed, and has memorized Queen's entire discography. At twenty-three, Luke also knows now more than ever that he is completely, unconditionally (and hopelessly) in love with Helena.

Helena, however, has zero understanding of the way she feels. This is partially due to the fact that she ignores her feelings as much as possible. It's just been sex for eight years, and the prospect of having feelings for Luke and fucking everything up is terrifying to her.

"bel?"

Helena raises her eyebrows at Luke, looking at him through his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he stands in the doorway.

"Did I ever tell you I had a crush on you when we were fourteen?" Luke replies.

Helena chuckles, nodding. "It was kind of obvious." She states after rinsing the toothpaste from her mouth. "You followed me around like a puppy."

Luke laughs. "Shit. So Ashton probably knew, too."

"Why do you think he used to hate you?" Helena turns around, wrapping her arms around Luke's neck. "Oh, and for what it's worth, I had a crush on you too." Helena smiles, pressing her lips against Luke's.

"You're so pretty." Luke sighs, smiling as he looks down at Helena.

Helena lays her head against Luke's chest. "If neither of us are married by forty, we're going to marry each other, right?"

"Of course." Luke rests his head against Helena's. "I'd never leave you hanging."

Helena smiles softly. "What if one of us is married and one of us isn't?"

"Guess we'll just get divorced and remarry."

"God," Helena chuckles, shutting her eyes. "That's horrible."

"I know." Luke responds. "We should go before Ashton gets suspicious."

"At this point, the fact that he doesn't know is shocking. We're both terrible at keeping secrets." Luke follows Helena back into the bedroom. "Calum figured it out without even catching us."

"As far as we know." Luke suggests as he shrugs. "He could've caught us and never told us."

"No," Helena shakes her head. "If he caught us, he'd be looking at us weird. He didn't catch us like, fucking, or anything. He could've seen us kissing or something, but things would be a lot weirder if he caught us like that."

Luke laughs, sitting next to Helena on the bed. "What do you think would happen if Ashton ever found out?"

"He'd probably kill you."

"Wow," Luke scoffs. "That was fast."

Helena shrugs. "He'd murder you. I don't have to even think about what would happen. You would die."

"I mean," Luke sighs. "He's not really the type of person to kill me for dating his little sister. Might hate me because we hid it, but-"

Helena's breath catches in her throat. "Dating?" Ahe swallows.

"Uh," Luke clears his throat awkwardly. "You know- you know what I mean. And that's- that's what he would think if he ever found out, so..."

"Yeah," Helena mutters. "I guess uh- it's less that, more so he would be pissed that he never knew, and he probably wouldn't like the fact that we're not actually dating."

Luke cries in the shower that night and is, for only the third time in eight years, grateful that he isn't with Helena that night.

It's not like it's something Luke isn't used to- every time Luke even mentions dating around Helena, she emphasizes the fact that they're not actually together and that it's just sex. Luke doesn't know if it's because Helena doesn't want to have that conversation in fear of ruining things, or if she really just doesn't like Luke. Either way, it hurts like hell.

Luke lays in bed, staring at his ceiling until the sun beams through the windows, causing him to groan and roll over. "fuck." He mumbles into his pillows as his alarm goes off. "Shit." He's had many sleepless nights, nearly all of them because of Helena. At times, he wishes he didn't love her as much as he does.

"You look tired." Helena comments when she gets into the passenger seat of Luke's car. Luke just shrugs. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Luke replies. "Didn't sleep."

"Oh." Helena comments. She looks over at Luke for a moment before coming to a conclusion that he's done talking, so she turns to look out the window.

Deep down, Helena knows why Luke is upset, but she doesn't necessarily want to get into it. It's better if she just lets it blow over, she decides. He's been like this before, he'll be fine. Still, it stings whenever he's passive to her. Helena does care about Luke, however it may be, and the awkward moments, the silences, and the passiveness and tension in the air are horrible.

"Your usual, or something different?"

"What?" Helena whips her head around to Luke as she furrows her brows.

"Do you want your usual drink, or something else?" Luke raises an eyebrow as he gestures towards the menu to his left.

"Oh," Helena swallows. "Uh, my usual."

Luke nods, and turns to order. Helena stares down at her hands in her lap as she picks at the polish on her fingernails. "Stop." Luke looks over to Helena.

"What?"

"Stop picking at your nail polish, you're damaging your nails." Luke replies. "And you're getting polish flakes all over my car."

"Oh, sorry."

The pair don't speak again until they arrive at the university, and it's only to say their goodbyes. "See you at three?" Luke says as he grabs his bag from his backseat.

Helena nods. "Yeah. I can just meet you back here."

"Okay." Luke shuts his car door. "Good luck on your bio exam."

"Thanks. Good luck on your criminology exam." Helena begins walking away from Luke, but he stops her. "What?"

"You're going to do great." Luke smiles, rubbing Helena's hand softly with his thumb.

Helena smiles softly. "Thanks. So are you." As they walk away from each other, a few tears fall from Luke's eyes before he wipes them away. He is miserable.