teeth → l.h

chapter seventeen;

Throughout his childhood, Ashton was his mother's favorite child, and both he and his sister knew it. Ashton hated this fact, but he figured out there was nothing he could do about it when he got arrested for public indecency with his high-school boyfriend, and his mother didn't even scold him for it. On the other hand, Helena once got arrested for shoplifting tampons, something she literally needed at the moment, and their mother left her in jail. Helena didn't speak to Ashton for a month because of it.

It wasn't like Helena was mad at Ashton for it or anything, she simply just couldn't understand why Ashton was so favored over her, and just hanging out with Ashton made her feel inferior. While Helena was doing everything in her power to get their mom to be proud of her, Ashton was doing everything he could to disappoint the woman.

By 16, Helena had almost managed to gain a tiny amount of respect from her mom. Much to Helena's dismay, however, Ashton decided to go to medical school and just royally fuck up Helena's existence. It was over, Helena decided, she was the family fuck up and would always be in Ashton's shadow.

It wasn't until two years later that Helena really hated Ashton, and it was because Luke had decided to go to college in New York and to Helena, it was Ashton's fault. Ashton was a little bit afraid of Helena when she found out Luke was moving. All Ashton did was tell Luke that the school was good, but it was impossible at the time to tell Helena that.

Luke ended up taking a gap year though, so he had about a year to just live in New York and do nothing, and Helena was pissed at him for it for months. He (and Ashton) left her alone in Australia with her mom and it was suffocating, especially since Helena had graduated and she only worked five days a week. She spent most of her time with her mom, and it just about killed her.

Luke would never, ever tell Helena what he did for the five months it was just him and Ashton in New York, partially because he pretended it never happened after it was over. It started in late August- Luke remembers it because it rained the entire last week, except for one morning. He remembers vividly, like it was written on the backs of his eyelids. The sun was shining on Ashton's back; Luke softly traced his name on it, and Ashton giggled because it tickled. Luke wished he could save Ashton's laugh forever, and he prayed that he would never forget it.

Luke missed Helena- of course he did- but in the moment, he felt like he never needed anything more than what he had with Ashton. They both knew it wouldn't last, but they pretended for as long as they could, that it never had to end.

"Are you sure?"

Luke had never been more sure of anything else, he thought. After it ended, he found himself lost in the memory, like their August had slipped away into a small moment in time; or sipped away, like the bottle of chardonnay Luke and Ashton drank in a bubble bath together. The moments were gone, Luke decided, because Ashton was never even his, not his to lose.

But in their brief affair, being twisted in bedsheets with Ashton was the most alive Luke had ever felt. Whatever it was, it was enough for Helena to no longer be on Luke's mind, for the first time in years.

As fall swept in, Luke found himself cancelling plans just in case Ashton called. They never had each other though, neither of them were willing to admit the way they felt about each other; they were both too scared. Just wanting, living for the hope of being with someone he could very well love, was enough for Luke.

By December, Luke and Ashton were almost synchronized in their little piece of existence; in their little brownstone in Manhattan with snow frosting the windows every morning. They were content together.

That is, until Ashton's mom showed up and caught them together and Luke felt his soul leave his body. It took Ashton three weeks to convince Luke that his mom wouldn't say anything to anyone. It wasn't funny, but Ashton found a bit of amusement in the fact that his mother actually expressed disappointment in him for sleeping with Luke.

"He is your sister's best friend, Ashton! I'm so disappointed in you." Once Luke recovered from everything, he laughed at it too. Of course Luke, of all people, would be the one person to get Ashton in trouble with his mom.

After she caught them though, something flipped within Luke. He was terrified that Helena would find out, and terrified of losing her because of it. What was once something Luke had never felt before, was now a terrifying secret that no one could ever know about.

It wasn't until Helena came to New York in January though, that it was really over. Luke and Ashton never actually ended it, it was simply brushed off and locked away. Ashton knew about Luke and Helena, and Luke was desperate to keep his relationship with Ashton a secret from her. Their fling was forever frozen in a small moment in time, never to be touched again- never to be spoken of.

Luke moved out of the brownstone in early February, and Ashton had never felt so alone. He couldn't do anything about it, of course, because no one knew. So Ashton felt what he needed to feel, and moved on. It was over, and all he had left of his time with Luke was the man's moonstone necklace he left on Ashton's bedside table.

"You never told me why you have a random stone around your neck." Calum comments as he takes the pendant in his hands. "Sentimental value? Impulse buy?" It was an impulse buy, just not from Ashton. Luke got it in the Haneda airport in Tokyo during his layover on his flight to New York. It was just something cute that caught his eye- he probably never even missed it after he left it in Ashton's room.

Ashton smiles as he gently tugs the necklace out of Calum's hands. "I got it like five years ago in an airport somewhere."

"Oh." Calum looks down at the necklace. "It's cute."

Ashton feels a twinge of pain in his heart when he talks about the necklace. He doesn't know why, but he brushes it off as a nostalgic moment. He hadn't been with Luke in five years and honestly, hadn't thought about the meaning of the necklace in at least three.

Then again, neither Luke nor Ashton had let themselves think about their relationship in a really, really long time.