Detached

CHAPTER 52

*MEERA'S POINT OF VIEW*

“Riyansh,” My voice was so thick with lust that it didn’t sound like mine at all.

“Mmm?” he murmured, dipping his head and licking the skin between my breasts as his fingers went to the button of my shorts, tugging eagerly.

I gulped, swallowing my lust. “Riyansh,” I repeated, trying to get his attention. I shook my head quickly, closing my hand over his and stopping him from unfastening my shorts. Once my shorts were off and his hands were there, I would surely forget what I needed to say.

He stopped immediately. His eyes widened in horror as he pushed himself up off me, rolling to his side, holding his hands up innocently. “Shit, I’m sorry! I got carried away. I didn’t mean to take it that far, I’m really sorry. Are you okay, Princess?” he apologised, wincing.

I smiled reassuringly because he’d clearly jumped to the wrong conclusion about why I asked him to stop. I rolled to the side, pushing him onto his back before swinging my leg over his body, straddling him. As I looked down at him, I tried extremely hard not to notice how excited he was downstairs or how nice he felt between my thighs. I needed to concentrate, and that thought wouldn’t help at all.

“I need to talk to you,” I muttered.

“Okay,” he nodded, moving to sit up but I put my hands on his shoulders, pushing him back down onto the bed.

I took a deep breath to calm myself and my raging hormones. I silently prayed that he was agreeable because I needed him tonight. “I want you right now,” I admitted.

A breathtaking smile stretched across his face. “I want you right now too.”

He moved to sit up again, so I pushed him back down, leaving my hands on his shoulders. I needed to explain before this went any further, he needed to understand and agree to it before this could happen. “I just want you for tonight, that’s all. Tomorrow we pretend like this never happened,” I offered, biting my lip, begging him with my eyes to accept.

He frowned. His expression was like I’d just slapped him in the face. He looked both hurt and shocked. "Meera, what? I don’t want to pretend that it never happened."

My heart sank. “Please?” I begged. “I need you. Ever since that first time we were together, I just can’t stop thinking about it. Sex, no strings, one night, I’ll do whatever you want. It’s your birthday, so you name it and I’ll do it,” I bargained as I ran my fingertips down his chest.

“Meera, I don’t just want you for one night.” His voice was a little strained and the sad tone of it made my heart ache.

“I just want to make myself happy, just for one night. I promise I won’t feel guilty about it tomorrow and get upset. I promise, please?” I leant down so our faces were inches apart. Indecision was clear across his face. “Please? I want you and I know you want me too. Just for tonight?”

“Tell me why you won’t let me in,” he said suddenly. “Try and explain it to me.” His eyes searched mine for answers that I myself didn’t even know.

I blinked, a little shocked at his request and the sudden change in conversation. I sighed, feeling dejected. Clearly my request was ruining the easy relationship we had. I shouldn’t have wished to be happy, even for one night, because I obviously didn’t deserve it.

“I just… can’t. I let Jack in and when he died, it killed me inside. I’m broken. I don’t have anything to give you. Ankush took all of me when he died,” I whispered, closing my eyes. I knew that wasn’t true though, Ankush didn’t take everything, I thought for the longest time that he had, but since I’d met Riyansh, I’d started to feel again. I couldn’t be dead inside because I could feel the tug at my heart when Riyansh looked at me just as he was looking at me now: pleading and hurt. I wanted to make him feel better; it was almost painful to see that look on his face. So that was how I knew that my heart didn’t die when Ankush did. The trouble was, I couldn’t let Riyansh have my heart. I couldn’t feel heartbreak again; I wouldn’t live through it a second time. I wasn’t strong enough to go through another man leaving me; I couldn’t open myself up like that again. But I could give myself to him physically and give us what we both wanted.