Detached

CHAPTER 24

*MEERA'S POINT OF VIEW*

After breaking the speed limit the whole way to the cemetery, I made my way up the familiar path to his grave, zigzagging amongst some of the gravestones to pick a few dandelions. When I got to his resting place I brushed the old dandelions away and sprinkled the new ones across the top of the headstone.

I plopped down on the grass and closed my eyes, hating myself. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened. I know I shouldn’t have done it, I know, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, baby, please?” I begged, unable to stop the tears this time.

My heart was breaking all over again, and I didn’t know what to do. I was starting to like Riyansh, I could feel it building, and I wanted his body so much that it was almost painful. I still wanted him now. But how could I have done that to Ankush? Sweet, loving Ankush, who never even looked at another girl? The love of my life died because of me, and how did I repay him? I slept with someone that I only met three days before, and not only that, but Ankush hadn’t even entered my head until Riyansh left the room. It was like my new near guard had some kind of spell on me.

I traced my fingers along the lettering of Jack’s name. I felt like a worthless piece of trash, a horrible person and a downright useless girlfriend.

Suddenly a shadow fell over me and I jumped, looking around quickly. Riyansh smiled down at me sadly. I turned away, afraid to look into his beautiful brown eyes in case I got stuck there. My heart was going crazy because of his presence. I felt him sit down behind me, setting his legs either side of my body as he scooted close to my back.

I closed my eyes, hating the comforting feeling of being close to him. I didn’t deserve to be comforted. My body hitched with sobs again, but he didn’t move to hold me or anything, he just sat close to me. His body heat was seeping into my back and made my skin tingle. I cried harder because the reactions he caused in me were both unconscious and unwelcome. I didn’t want to feel anything for anyone else; in fact, I didn’t want to feel anything at all. I liked being numb and emotionless. But lately, all of that seemed to go out of the window.

“Are you okay?” he whispered in my ear, a little while later. I couldn’t speak, so I just shook my head. “Please tell me what’s wrong,” he begged. He sounded so upset that I wanted to turn and hold him. But I couldn’t do that. Not to Ankush. I wouldn’t do it again, never ever again.

“Nothing. Just leave me alone,” I croaked.

“Meera, talk to me, please? Is it what happened this morning?” he asked quietly.

Is it about this morning? Damn, that’s just a stupid question! Of course it’s about this morning! I danced all over my boyfriend’s memory. And I enjoyed it so much that I wanted to do it again, and again, and again. But I won’t.

“That won’t happen again.” I pushed myself away from his warm, safe body, taking one last look at Ankush’s grave.

“Meera?” he whispered. His pleading voice sent a little quiver down my spine that I refused to acknowledge. I shook my head and looked at him, positive that it would never happen again. If he kept pushing me then I’d have to get him transferred; I didn’t want to do that, but I would if I needed to.

“No. It won’t happen again. If you want to keep your job, Agent, then you’ll stay the hell away from me,” I spat nastily. I saw the look of hurt and pain cross his eyes, and I turned away quickly so I didn’t see it again. Touching the smooth marble of Ankush’s headstone, I sniffed loudly. “Bye, baby,” I muttered, swallowing another sob. I walked off quickly before I started to cry again, I refused to cry again today.

When I got to the parking lot, Dean jumped out of his car, slamming the door angrily. His hard eyes narrowed as he stalked towards me. “What the hell, Meera? For the last fucking time, you need to take us with you when you leave!”

He sounded so angry that my stomach clenched in fear. I frowned and carried on walking, trying to ignore him. “Screw you, Dean. Just get lost, okay?” I replied venomously when he continued to glare at me.

“You’re a little bitch!” he spat, his face radiating anger. He grabbed my arm roughly and pulled me to stop. I flinched, thinking he was going to strike me. I held my breath, readying myself for the blow. Before anything happened, Riyansh gripped his shoulders and yanked him away from me, slamming him against the car, making a huge crash echo in the empty parking lot. I whimpered and looked at the scene, shocked.

Riyansh’s jaw was tight as he stepped closer to Dean. “You don’t ever touch her again! I don’t care who you are, I will put you down if you even look at her harshly again. You got that,Dean?” Riyansh’s voice rang with authority and menace. Dean nodded quickly, his mouth popping open in shock. Riyansh shoved him away, making Dean stumble and almost fall. “Go. I’ll ride with Meera,” Riyansh ordered. He turned back and waved his hand for me to get into the car, but I couldn’t move, my body was frozen on the spot. “Meera, get in the car,” he said softly, taking the keys from my hand and opening the passenger door. That snapped me out of it and I climbed in quickly, looking down at my lap.

From the corner of my eye, I watched him walk to the driver’s side; he looked like he was trying to calm himself. I needed to say something to him, what he just did was so sweet and protective. Dean wouldn’t have hurt me, but Riyansh hadn’t hesitated for a second in protecting me.

I waited for him to climb in and buckle his seatbelt before I spoke. He didn’t even glance at me as he started the engine. “Thank you,” I mumbled, still not able to look at him. I needed to stay strong, and his eyes wouldn’t let me do that.

“You don’t need to thank me, it’s my job,” he replied sarcastically. I cringed at the tone of his voice; he was obviously annoyed that I’d suggested I’d get him fired. I felt like a first class bitch. He hadn’t done anything wrong at all – it was my fault that I cheated on Ankush, not his.

He put the car into drive and he didn’t speak to me again. In fact, he didn’t even glance in my direction, but I couldn’t help stealing little glances at him from the corner of my eye as he drove. He looked so handsome in his blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up at the elbows; blue worked really nicely with his skin tone. I bit my lip and ripped my eyes away from him to watch the road, hating that I’d noticed.

We finally pulled up at the house after what seemed like a week of driving in an uncomfortable silence. I grabbed the door handle, but the ominous click of the lock told me I wasn’t going anywhere until he’d said his piece. If anyone else had trapped me in a car with them, I would be totally freaking out, but deep down I knew he wouldn’t physically hurt me. Mentally he would probably hurt me a lot when I agonised over what we’d done and how he’d somehow made me open myself up to him.

“Open the doors,” I instructed, focusing my gaze on the house, wishing I could get inside and away from him.

“I just need to say something first, and I need you to look at me so you know I’m serious,” he replied flatly.

I didn’t want to look at him; I hated to see that hurt expression on his handsome face. I knew I had to do it though; he obviously wasn’t going to let me go until I’d been reprimanded for sneaking off without guards. I willed myself to stay strong and turned to look at him, avoiding his eyes and looking at the spot just below his eyes instead.

“I know you were upset, but you will not leave without me again. If you don’t take me, you take someone else, but you do not go out on your own again. Do you understand me, Miss Singhania?” he asked angrily.

I recoiled at the use of my name. Somehow, him using my title like that showed me how angry he was with me. I should have been glad. If I’d annoyed anyone else as much as I appeared to have annoyed him, I would think that a successful morning, but with Riyansh it actually pained me to know that he was upset with me. Irrational anger was building in the pit of my stomach because I couldn’t seem to treat him the way I treated everyone else.

“Is that understood?” His voice was hard and authoritative as he prompted me for an answer.

“Yes. Now open the door,” I snapped.

His gaze held mine for another couple of seconds before he flicked the lock button, dismissing me. I frowned and pushed the door open, ignoring Dean watching me from the other car. I turned on my heel and ran into the house, needing to get away from everything and everyone. My thoughts turned to the gym. I didn’t even bother changing into my workout clothes before heading in there to try and work out some of the frustration that was crushing me inside.

Needing to do more than run today, I put on the training gloves and went straight to work on the punch bag, hitting and kicking it until my fingers arched. Spent and exhausted, I stepped back, putting my hands on my knees as I caught my breath. Sweat trickled down my back, and I silently wished I’d stopped to get a bottle of water before coming in here.

“I wouldn’t want to be on the other end of that anger.”

I twisted on the spot, gasping because I hadn’t heard anyone come in. Riyansh was leaning casually against the wall, watching me. “What the hell do you want?” I asked, frowning. Why can’t he just leave me alone?

“Want to go for that walk now?” he offered, raising one eyebrow.

Is he kidding me? I told him to stay away from me! “No thanks. Want to train me how to fight?” I countered, shrugging.