Detached

CHAPTER 10

*MEERA'S POINT OF VIEW*

After I hold his hand; Some of my stress evaporated, and I glanced up at his handsome face; a small satisfied smile graced his lips.

“That’s great, Meera. Maybe if we tried to hold hands for a little a bit every day, then you’d get used to it before we start college next week,” he suggested.

“You won’t be here next week, Pretty Boy,” I answered confidently.

He laughed incredulously. “Meera, I don’t quit, I never quit, so you’d better get used to me. I’m going to be around for a while, whether you like it or not,” he replied arrogantly.

I yanked my hand out of his and folded my arms across my chest. “I don’t need a fucking babysitter! I can take care of myself,” I stated, annoyed again.

“Really? You can take care of yourself? So if I wanted to throw you down on the bed, I couldn’t do that?”He asked while raising an eyebrow.

Oh God! My heart took off in double time. “Riyansh, if you touch me, I’m gonna break your pretty face,” I warned.

A confident smile crept onto his lips. “You couldn’t land one punch before I pin you to the bed.”

He took a step forward and I didn’t give him the opportunity to touch me. I shot my hand out to punch him in the stomach, but he knocked my hand away easily before it got anywhere near him.Panic made my blood go cold, but I wasn’t willing to concede yet. I’d never give up without a fight again. He took another step towards me and I sent a kick towards him as hard as I could. He sidestepped it easily, caught my leg and closed the distance between us so fast that I didn’t have time to react. His free arm wrapped around my waist, and he threw us both onto the bed.He put one hand over my mouth and grabbed my hands with the other, pinning them above my head, his body pressing me into the bed. I screamed and thrashed, trying to throw him off me as I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to think of anything other than Smith, but I couldn’t stop myself from returning to those memories again. In my head, I saw his core black eyes sparkling with excitement as he prepared to rape me. I heaved and turned my head to the side in defeat, letting the tears fall as I just stopped struggling. There was no point, he was too strong for me.

I waited for the pain, but it never came. I opened my eyes slowly and looked up. Riyansh was still holding me down on the bed, but somehow he wasn’t heavy, as if he was holding his weight off me.

“I won’t hurt you, I promise. Trust me,” he whispered as he took his hand off of my mouth. My tears were still falling so hewiped them away gently. “I just wanted to show you that you need me. I want to protect you. You need me, so please don’t keep making this difficult. I won’t leave you like the others,” he said softly.

I looked up into his deep brown eyes, and I could see the sincerity there; they were kind, caring, and gentle eyes. They were the complete opposite of the core black eyes I’d been envisioning a few seconds before. I believed him. Riyansh wouldn’t quit after a week, and he wasn’t going to hurt me.

“Okay, but please get off me,” I begged, my voice trembling as I spoke.

“I will, but I think this is good for you. You can’t go through life on your own, afraid to let people touch you, afraid to let people in, in case they leave you. What happened to you won’t happen again, I promise,” he said, looking pained.

I closed my eyes and let the tears fall.I’d been able to push the pain away for months now, refusing to acknowledge that I was forever broken, just walking around like an emotionless zombie; the only thing I allowed myself to feel was anger.

“Do you need me to get off, or can you cope for a couple of minutes?” he asked quietly.

I took in a shaky breath. “Please don’t hurt me,” I whispered, turning my head to the side again.

“I won’t.” He let go of my hands, but I couldn’t move; it was like my body was frozen in place.

I still felt sick, but for some reason I trusted him. I didn’t want to, I genuinely didn’t, but I couldn’t help myself. He didn’t move at all, didn’t even shift his weight. I kept my eyes squeezed closed.

After a couple of minutes, he pushed himself off me and stood up. “See, you did great. I just need you to trust me,” he congratulated, offering his hand to help me up. I rolled on to my side and pulled my knees up to my chest in the foetal position as my body suddenly racked with sobs. “Oh shit! I’m sorry, Meera! Why didn’t you say? I would’ve gotten off, I swear!” he gasped, sounding horrified, making no moves to come near me again.

“Just leave, I just want to be on my own,” I begged. I didn’t want him here; he was making everything worse with his stupid, nice guy attitude and cocky, good looks.

Silence filled the room for a few seconds before he finally agreed. “I’ll just be next door then. I’m really sorry.”

I didn’t open my eyes until I heard the click of the door. Weakly, I crawled up the bed, pulled the soft pillow over my face, and then screamed until I lost my breath. Thoughts were rushing through my brain too fast for me to comprehend: Why did I not mind him being on top of me? Why did I let him do that to me? And most importantly, why did it upset me when he moved away?

Guilt. It was eating me up inside because I’d just enjoyed another man’s touch. I felt so guilty that I wanted to vomit. Oh God, Ankush, I’m so sorry! I won’t let that happen again, I promise, I mentally chanted in my head.

That night I cried myself to sleep – something I hadn’t done for months.

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