Detached

CHAPTER 14

*MEERA'S POINT OF VIEW*

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Hey, Ankush. I just wanted to come and say hi and to let you know that I miss you, even though you probably know that already.” I smiled weakly and ran my hand over the grass. “Not much new to tell you really…” I paused, trying to think of what had happened since I was here last. “I got my car fixed, so it’s not making that humming noise anymore. Oh, and I finally threw out my old sneakers, you know the yellow ones that you hated? Well they finally ripped and the sole came totally off, so that shouldmake you happy,” I sighed deeply. “I got a new near guard because Agent Jain quit last week. I told you he couldn’t handle it. He only lasted a month, the lightweight.” I chuckled wickedly. I’d known that guy wouldn’t last very long; I had seen it in his eyes.

“Er… I got a text from your mom asking me to come over for dinner sometime this week but, to be honest, I don’t think I’ll go. I hope you don’t mind, but I just can’t stand going to your house; it’s just too hard and I can’t do it anymore. I know you understand.” My teeth sank into my bottom lip as I tried not to let the sadness take over. I picked a few strands of grass to distract myself.

I looked up at the sky; it was a beautiful day, perfect, not a cloud in sight. “I got kicked out of college again,” I said quietly, a little embarrassed. “I know, I know, it’s the second one this college year and the semester only started like a month and a half ago. You’re probably up there laughing your ass off at me, but hey, whatever, right? Look to the future, that’s what you always used to say. But it’s so hard, Ankush, so hard.” A tear finally escaped down my cheek. I fought hard to keep them at bay; I didn’t like to cry here, I didn’t like the thought of crying in front of him in case I made him sad.

I pinched the skin on the inside of my elbow to distract myself from the pain that was building up inside me. “So anyway, as of next week, I’m going to VSPU.” That was the latest college my dad could bribe me into. “I’m really going to try there because this is the last time I can start over. If I can’t do it, then I’m just going to drop out and give up. I know we promised that we’d never give up on our dreams, but it’s just too hard for me to keep starting over and over.” I wiped my face and took a few deep breaths, pushing away the grief that was trying to pull me under. “I won’t be able to come here as much to see you because it’s a hours away, but that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking of you and missing you because I do that whether I’m here or not, and I know that you know that.” I smiled through my heartbreak. He had to know how much I missed him, I told him every day.

I sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the birds singing in the tree nearby. “I guess I’d better go,” I conceded, standing up. I kissed my fingertips and traced his name one more time. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you, Ankush, and I always will,” I vowed.

I needed to go before I broke down; I didn’t want him to see that. “Bye, baby.” I turned on my heel and walked away.

Riyansh was leaning against a tree about ten feet away from Ankush’s grave. He was close enough to have heard everything that I said, I was sure of it. His face was the mask of sympathy, but he didn’t say anything; he just walked alongside me silently.

When we got to the car, he opened the driver’s door for me. “Will you drive?” I asked quietly, holding out the keys to him.

"Sure thing" he answered, following me around to the passenger side and opening the door for me before going back to get in his side. After a few minutes of driving in silence, he looked over at me. “You okay?”

“Yep,” I lied, trying to pretend that my heart wasn’t breaking all over again the same as it did every time I left Ankush’s grave.

Silence was filled in the car, until we reached home. When we stepped out of the car, Officer Rakesh was glaring at Riyansh. Riyansh took hold of my hand and pushed me inside the house to avoid the glares and questions from Dean Rakesh that were about to be asked.