Scratches On My Gravestone

| Ruthful Resolution |

I feel you in my blood, a century of heartache

It curdles in my chilled veins, a lifetime of heartbreak,

Pushing me through this old, tenuous celebration,

Waiting patiently with the rest of our cold nation

For Judgement, the last hand on the clock, to strike midnight

Our relationship remains covered in winter white

Time no longer exists without you, warmth fading fast

Your strong, safe arms shielded me from my traumatic past,

Sheltered me from the darkness bleeding into my pain,

Painted over the shameless denial and disdain...

Forget my previous desire for deliverance

I pray to God, "Please forgive me for my ignorance."

In desperation, I hoarded every tender touch

And each warm whisper, even when it felt like too much

I was so afraid to let it all just go to waste,

The kindness used to trick me, to coat your toxic taste,

Dangerous aphrodisiac left on my starved tongue

Under your magic spell, I stayed beautiful and young

Ever growing collections, iridescent falsehoods,

Coiled chains wreathed around my neck, your spoiled, gold-plated goods,

Decorating me, wooing me with your lambent wit,

Loving me until I had no choice but to commit

Life threw me obstacles that I could never foresee

Despite the signs, I believed in the gifts you gave me

My naive heart became a broken bibliophile,

Read love in the power of your poison all the while,

Felt intimacy in your erroneous embrace

But tonight, a flurry of fury falls on my face,

Buries me in reality, the sorrow I bore

Monsters bite away at my disgusting, rotting core

In the depths of the silence, I sense it, I hear it

I let it resonate within my weakened spirit,

A clarion declaration ringing in my ears

And I realise there is no room left for my fears

On this auspicious day, I find my resolve renewed,

Recalled again by our memory's vile servitude

Of how you caged me, kept me enslaved with your lies,

Gave me the courage, the strength to witness your demise,

To look in the eyes of my everything, walk away

And understand that I can - and will - still be okay