Pup

Lucky Ace

A constant beeping passed through the darkness, bringing sensation and awareness of existence. Jay could feel cloth under his hands and a cushioned surface. Memories flooded back to him now with the raw, stiff feeling of being cut open. The bullet echoed loud through his ears as if it went off a few rooms away and when the dust settled, a new kind of pain wrung his throat. Guilt. The crushing weight of his guilt slammed into his chest causing him to shudder. Tears soaked through his closed eyes, loosening the crust that held his eyes tightly shut. Opening his eyes to the bright light around him he tried to shift his head away but his body felt like molasses, slowing all his movements and the world around him. Suddenly the new realization of his surroundings hit him as the bullet did, he was in the hospital. There was a needle in his arm. There was a NEEDLE in his arm. Panic seized him but his body moved in slow motion. It took all of his focus to bring his head down to look at the IV and shake his right arm as if it'd just fall out. He went to move his left arm to reach for his right but it was as if he was encased in cement he couldn't move it and when he was able to shift any small amount throbbing pain startled him causing him to freeze. Everything started to spin and blur as his heart began to race and his chest tightened quickly. He couldn't reach his arm, he couldn't get it out. He was alone, with a needle in his arm, and responsible for a little boy's father's death. He had to relive all this pressure in his chest somehow and quickly before he suffocated in it. He raised his right arm again to try and shake it harder when something he didn't see before caught his eye. It was a small piece of firm paper or plastic in his grasp. He tried to bring his head down to meet his hand but he could only lift his arm so high. He moved the card around his fingers enough to feel them and put it on his lap in front of him. He didn't exactly know what greeted him. It was a playing card. Something began to itch at the corners of his diluted mind but he still didn't know what it was. He used what focus and dexterity he had to flip the card over and look at the back. When he flipped the card he froze, the time came into focus and his body warmed. He knew what card this was, how could he forget? He traced the small blue fingerprints that disappeared under his own, as more memories and pain broke through the barrier of frozen time. "Ace," he said barely audible in a surprising relief. He didn't know if this was really in front of him or just a drug-induced delusion, but whatever the case, he picked up the card and held it tight between his fingers. Holding onto the only thing that kept him grounded between the barrage of blurred faces, muddled voices, and phantoms in his mind. Minutes felt like hours, even when he saw Hailey and Voight he still couldn't think straight. But what he saw he couldn't forget. Hailey's face was pink and her eyes were red. Was she crying? Hailey? Crying? Voight's look was even more confusing. Under the layers of his anger, there was something else, fear. It was in his eyes, a glimpse of concern and even attachment in his dark, sharp eyes. After some words, he couldn't completely process Voight left first and Hailey a few minutes later when the nurse came in again, telling her to leave her to her patient. That was it. After she came and went a few times the medicine took him over, giving him only shards of memory of Will sitting by him silently to hold onto. Until nightfall came. Knowing he wouldn't be in his own bed away from here and needles stirred his panic again as strong as it was before. He'd be alone, all alone in a hospital room with needles and the knowledge that he couldn't leave. He was trapped there. He became restless and agitated. Whenever he heard a sound of footsteps or felt a nurse walk into the room or examine his wounds his fight response would take over. But with the drugs in his system, his responses were only flinching and protestant slurred words. The nurses tried to calm him down and even Will tried but Jay couldn't help it. He heard the nurses say something about more sedation until a familiar face walked in. It was Voight, he was back! But wait why? Jay heard Voight walk into the room and speak to the nurses saying,"give us a little bit and that won't be necessary. If we could have the privacy please." Jay watched the nurses leave the room and watched Voight get closer to him, putting his hands on the bar of Jay's bed."I think that'll help the both of ya" he said before turning to the doorway, encouraging someone to walk in who he couldn't see because he was too weak to lift his head. But he did see the little fingers that substituted Hank's and the little voice trying to climb up."Pappa, Pappa, Pappa can I go in with him? Can I? Can I? Please?" The little anxious voice grew louder until calmly shushed and calmed. Jay did his best to turn his head further to see in the direction of the sound and was able to catch a glimpse of red curls popping up and down until Voight picked up the sound and the face he was met with dulled his agitation."Hey buddy," Jay said in a deep, craking voice and a huge smile."Uncle Jay!" he said, his fingers practically vibrating as he stretched his little arms out towards him. The look on his face tightened his chest. His face was one of fear, worry, restlessness and exhausting concern. Quite a strong expression for someone so small. But before he had any time to truly respond Oliver was already cuddled up on his right side, perfectly avoiding his IV, not digging his knees or elbows into his side and holding him as close as he could with his arms. Oliver curled his neck to lay perfectly on Jay's chest and his little hands held onto the fingers on his right hand. "I was scared, Uncle Jay. They said you were doing badly" he finally squeaked out after a few moments of holding onto Jay. He could feel Oliver's fast heartbeat hammering through his chest and moved his right hand up to Oliver's shoulder."I know. But I'm..okay. I'm okay" he said again more to himself than anyone else. If he was asleep right now he didn't want to wake up. In his fear and pain, he had this little ball curled up on his chest, not even knowing how much he was truly helping. "I missed you Ace" Jay whispered under his breath absentmindedly. When he was tied up in that basement he couldn't stop imagining the terror in his little nephew. His nephew. Just the mere thought was enough to him smile and breathe again. "I missed you too. Uncle Jay? Come home next time. Please?" Oliver asked. Jay wasn't sure how to answer that. It crushed him because he nearly didn't this time. What about in the future? No, Jay would be prepared and he'd make sure Oliver was taken care of.The hospital fell quiet and so did they. Oliver was sound asleep on Jay's chest and Jay was almost asleep, not even realizing that he was still in the hospital. The pain from his body was gone and the fear didn't rear its head. Their body heat kept each other warm and their heartbeats kept in sync singing them both to sleep. It drove him crazy he couldn't hold Oliver with both hands but at least he was there to hold him again and for the future. "I love you bud" he whispered into Oliver's ear. After those four words made it off his tongue he finally gave in to the warmth of sleeping crashing over him. He was home now.