Deadass

The Mighty Fall

      The Eirwens arrived home from the party at the modest time of 11:45 pm, Diana trudged up to her room and peeled her dress off to slide on a comfortable sweatshirt. Kai had disappeared to give her some privacy, when he returned he was wearing his usual outfit, Diana assumed it was the one he died in. Though the assumption wasn't very far-fetched, she could see the blood looking still-wet on the shoulder of his shirt. 

They hadn't talked much about his death or her attempt, they kept it on a lighter note most of the time. She didn't want to ruin the delicate balance they had grown accustomed to by asking him about the circumstances of his suicide.

Diana enjoyed the time she got to spend with Kai, though she still wasn't necessarily okay. They continued to joke about death like they always did, but it struck a new chord with Diana.

She decided to try again.

What should I try this time, she thought to herself as she tuned out from Kai's rant about giraffes.

"I mean what even are they??", he yelled, frustrated that they existed.

"Why did you do it?", she asked, interrupting him mid-sentence.

"Do what?", he asked, not wanting to go there

"You know what" 

He looked down shamefully, she saw his eyes dim and his form become slightly less visible. 

"You know...", he began tentatively, "about all of the family issues, and the bullying and all that but, there's so much more shit that I kept from you, because I didn't want to push you away or ruin what we had.".

"Kai, you know you can tell me anything, it saddens me that you didn't think you could?", Diana said, a slight quiver in her voice. "I thought we were best friends, I told you everything, I OPENED MY LIFE AND MY HEART TO YOU AND THEN YOU GIVE UP AND SHOOT YOURSELF AND LEAVE ME HERE FOR MONTHS BECAUSE OF REASONS YOU DIDN'T FEEL THE NEED TO TELL ME ABOUT!?". Diana couldn't hold it in anymore, she was mad, she knew she shouldn't have been, but she was. 

Kai only faded more and more, she didn't want him to disappear but she felt wronged, betrayed and she wanted him to know. She wanted him to witness what he'd done to her and how much she had been broken, snapped in half like a simple toothpick. Diana wanted to listen to what he had to say, but she wanted to do it while he was alive, and he'd missed that opportunity. 

She knew it looked like she was yelling at air but that didn't matter, she thought she was done crying but here were the tears, rolling without pause. And he said they'd be best friends, there for each other till death did them part, but...

it had.