Life Of A Single Mom

Chapter 9

Here I was... possibly pregnant and honestly not knowing who the father was.
How the hell had my life gotten this messy?
My mind was spinning so bad I couldn't even think straight anymore, so I called the only person I trusted enough to tell everything to:
Tracey.
That was my best friend. My real rider. The type of friendship where loyalty never had to be questioned on either side. No judgment, no fake support - just honesty, whether I wanted to hear it or not.
By the time she pulled up, she already came prepared.
Wine in one hand. Pregnancy test in the other.
And somehow that alone almost made me cry.
Because reality was finally setting in.
If I really was pregnant, I wouldn't just be a single mother...
I'd be a single mother of four.
Four kids.
Not one. Not two. FOUR.
The thought alone felt like somebody was sitting on my chest.
I took the test, peed on the stick, and sat it behind the toilet without even looking at it. I couldn't. Mentally, I wasn't ready for whatever answer was waiting on that little white stick.
So instead, me and Tracey sat there for hours drinking wine, talking, trying to distract me from the truth sitting ten feet away in the bathroom.
Eventually she got tired of waiting.
She stood up, walked into the bathroom, and a few seconds later I heard the words I had been praying not to hear.
"Bitch... you pregnant."
Everything inside me dropped.
Fear. Shock. Stress. Regret.
Every emotion hit me at once so hard I thought I was gonna pass out.
My mind instantly started racing.
How was I supposed to tell them? Should I tell both of them? Should I keep it to myself until I knew for sure? What if this blew up worse than it already had?
But no matter how overwhelmed I felt, one thing I couldn't do was run from accountability. I put myself in this situation, and now I had to face it like a grown woman.
Still, part of me needed confirmation from somebody other than a pregnancy test.
So I scheduled a doctor's appointment.
And hearing those words come directly from the doctor made everything feel painfully real.
"You're pregnant."
I cried the entire rest of the day.
Not because I didn't love my baby already... but because I was terrified.
Terrified of struggling. Terrified of judgment. Terrified of doing this alone.
I kept thinking to myself, How am I supposed to raise four kids?
But despite all the fear and confusion, there were two things I knew for certain:
I wasn't getting an abortion. And I wasn't giving my baby away.
That just wasn't something I could personally live with. In my heart, once I laid down and created that life, it became my responsibility to protect and care for my child no matter how hard things got.
So through tears and shaky hands, I finally texted both Will and John.
Not called.
Texted.
Yeah, I know... weak move.
But I couldn't handle hearing either one of their voices at that moment. I barely had the strength to process it myself.
The craziest part was neither one of them knew the full truth yet.
Neither of them knew there was a possibility the baby could belong to either one.
Neither of them knew how messy this situation really was.
So after sending those messages, I just sat there staring at my phone waiting for replies while my entire life felt like it was falling apart around me.
And honestly?
That was the moment depression truly started settling over me.
Not the kind where you're just sad for a day or two...
I'm talking about the kind that makes getting out of bed feel impossible. The kind that makes you smile in front of people while secretly drowning inside. The kind that convinces you your life is spiraling faster than you can fix it.
And baby, at that point, I genuinely couldn't see a way out.