Desert Love

Chapter 16

The rest of my night is terrible. I tremble in my bed. Even under the cover of the blankets, I shiver. Although the helicopter noise did not linger long, I shuddered to think what if it was the same helicopter. Have they returned to try and find me? I tremble into an unfit sleep and dream terrible dreams of helicopters.

Interspersed between my horrors though, are pleasant dreams. I am dressed in white. I am floating in the clouds with my angel. My Emanuel. Then all at once, I am falling, hurdling, and quickly picking up speed. The world below opens, as I pass through the veil of clouds. I see that the entire world has been covered in golden, glinting sand. I try and scream, but I am unable to make a sound. I hear Emanuel's voice deep, rich, and mysterious. Why am I dreaming these thoughts? My conscious wakes me to a loud crack of sound. I am still in a dark tent. I am still in the desert. A flash of light comes again like someone is photographing me. It illuminates the tent, and I see that my situation has not improved. It is still cold, and I am alone in the tent. If only I had someone to cuddle with. Someone to share body heat with. A smile sneaks its way to my face as I think about being pressed against Emanuel. How his muscles would feel against my cold body. I hear again, that quiet voice inside, it pipes up from the back of my mind. The jurors are all taping their feet and looking with stern glances. It is as if they are all saying, see, she really is guilty. Just look at how she abandoned John. John and I... We were friends. I start reasoning with the court, presenting my own evidence. It does little to soften the stern glares I am getting, but at this point, I think I am only trying to convince myself. John never made me feel this way. No one has. It's like whenever I see Emanuel, all the air in my lungs is sucked out. He makes my heart skip a beat. Sometimes I think he might stop it entirely.

It's just I'm not sure what I'm really supposed to be feeling. I wince at the word, but the small voice in the back of the room says it firmly in my mind. It says it loud enough for the entire made up courtroom to hear. It says love. All at once, the courtroom is a buzz with commotion. Voices talk excitedly as hands are brought to ears.

The air is much heavier with moisture. Another deafening boom. It shakes me from my thought. It sounds so close, that I am certain someone has just dropped a bomb on us. I strain my ears to try and make out a helicopter. My heart jumps to my throat. Are we being attacked? Were they able to follow a line in the sand from where I fell? I am immediately drained of all the blood in my body. I stand shivering in the cold air. Another blast. Again too close. They must be falling down around me. Ignoring the slight pain in my ankle, I make my way to the door. I can not hear any whirr of helicopter blades. But there is a terrible wind outside. The tent rises, fighting against its stakes. The ropes stretch to snapping. I make it to the opening and am immediately blinded. A flash of light splinters the sky. It lands only feet from where I am. All at once I hear the sound of eggs cooking. A hot sizzle that only disorients me more. I am now tumbling. The world is spinning like I am in a dryer being spun around and around at increasing speed.

My mind goes back to the helicopter. It was spinning, rising and falling. Out of control. I am swept, bruised and battered. I am pelted by heavy chunks of rain. The world becomes a wash of darkness. The shadows are racing around like a black lizard eating its own tail. I lose my balance. I start rolling, sliding. The wind is kicking sand into my mouth, and I can barely breathe. I start crying, almost giving into the pain of the water that is lashing at my back. In my head I hear one single word. It echoes in the deep of my soul. It cries out loud as church bells. Emanuel, Emanuel, Emanuel... Emanuel. My own voice is crying out, shouting against the wind. It sweeps it back into my face with a bitter sting. I twist and turn. Yet, I find no shelter. He doesn't come.

And in that moment, I am filled with more sadness; more loss; than the entire force this storm can bring against me. Emanuel, my guardian angel did not come for me.