The power of love

The mood wrecker

Jennifer's POV
Me and Alex arrives at home. The kids are with my mom watch tv in living room. We enter quickly but still they notice. "Mom where have you been?" Max says hugging me
"Mommy has to rest for while, she'll be back and tell you what she did all day" Alex says and we go to our room
"Why is she so red?" Ella asked.
"What do you think? She's probably been crying" tashi says
"But why" Emme says
"Don't you know your own mother? She cries for everything, I can't guess why this time" she replies

45 minutes later
People starts coming home. After a moment the house is literally full.
"No offense but, What are you all doing here?" I can hear Emme saying
"Ok, no we've got to go. We just tell them and it's over. We're all in this together" Alex says holding my hand tight.
"But how do I even start. What about the kids?" I say
"You don't have to do anything, just be there" he says
"Just breath" he says breathing along with me.
"Ok, let's get over with it" I say after a while

We go down and everyone seems to have a good time. There's even some gifts for the baby. I hate to be the mood wrecker. Alex holds my hand tight but I pull it away. I don't know, I feel like I'm more emotional when he touches me or even just looks at me. I get the feeling that I let him down, betrayed him, killed his son, I don't know, just weird.

When we are down stairs our kids come hugging us. "Where have you guys been? We've been looking for you all day" Ella says
After a while when everyone is calm and everything, Alex decides that we should tell. I can tell that he's not ready so I decide to make the announcement instead.
"Ok, guys. So the reason why you're all here now, I know it's a bit late but.." I say before max cuts me off
"WE'RE GOING TO NAME THE BABYYYY" he shouts
I just shake my head. I can't. There's no way I can tell this excited boy about the tragic news.
"Well for all of you standing, you may want to sit" I say
I take a deep breath trying to figure the right words, the ones that'll make them understand. I'm stuck, I can hear my voice cracking. "Jen take your time, I know it can be a bit overwhelming to pick a name that'll kind of identify your kid. Take you time" Leah says. Why did she have to say that? Now I just feel like I'm going to disappoint them all.
"I know This is not what any of you expected but-" I say before Max cuts me off again.
"Is it not Max jr?" He says sadly
"A child can only be named jr by the FATHER, not brother" Ella says irritated
"Kids have respect, your mother is talking" Alex's mom say. I can't say these words out loud. Maybe we just show the picture. Just when I think about it, Alex says "we lost the baby" in a voice so low but still everything heard it. For a moment it's just dead quiet. No reaction or anything. I guess everyone is trying to think of this as a bad joke but then Alex tears up and they all get that it's not a joke.
"What??" Tashi says. This is the first time I see her this serious, at least in front of me.
"How can someone who barely Walk or even born be lost?" Emme says trying to understand
"He.... he..." I'm trying to say something
"When I told you we were going to the doctors this morning it was because the baby was on it's way. That's why grandma was here, and that's why I didn't say anything to anyone" Alex says
I can just feel the sadness spreading. After a moment it was just cries and condolences.

Hours later
The kids who were all cuddling each other as they fell asleep crying, poor things. We've all decides a time for the burial. Everyone has to go home and soak it all in.
"But guys, are you sure you want to do it this early? I mean there's no pressure." Joe says
"That's what the doctor's advised us to." Alex says
"Ok, just before anyone leaves. I'd like you all to write a word of comfort for our beloved." Benny says
He gives them all a paper and a pencil, and there a box where to put it in. There's lots of hugs going on.

Alex's POV
This whole family is now devastated. Though it was a great feeling having the excitement of waiting for a baby, I kind of wish we never even had him. That way no one would be this hurt. But I can't tell that to anyone, especially not Jennifer.

"Alex May we have a word with you" my mom, Jen's mom and dad says
"Sure" I say and we head to a different room. We sit down.
"Well.. the reason why we wanted to talk to you is because....." Lupe says but she runs out if words.
"Because as a man when things like this happens to your family, you feel the need to to protect your family and sometimes even forget about yourself" mom says
"And the best support you can show them right now is to let them know that you're with them, emotionally. The only way you and Jennifer can be strong together for these kids is by talking to each other, on how to handle it with the kids. Be on the same page. Sometimes talking about something so difficult can make things easier-" David says before I cut him off
"I get it. I'll do my best, but Jen won't want to talk about it. She'd like to think this is all some kind of never ending nightmare" I say

"I know this is kind of sick coming from me especially now but...I kind of wish we never had that baby..." I say finally letting someone know.

"This baby was unexpected, I was never ready for any of this. Me and Jen talked about it, we decided not to have anymore children. But unfortunately, she accidentally got pregnant and I couldn't leave her, I couldn't go back in time and be more careful, I couldn't do anything, all I could do was to support her and wish he never happened" I add feeling relieved. They all look at me in chock as if I said something wrong but it wasn't me they were looking at.

"Really Alex? I fucking knew it.." jen says coming out of nowhere
"Baby that's not what I meant." I try to explain myself
"You must be so relieved that he's gone now. You never wanted a baby???? Seriously? But you liked the process of making it, right?" She says angrily
"Jen, I know this is a difficult moment and not the right time or way to hear such a thing but think about what you're saying.... both of you are devastated right now and things can come out of control" Lupe says
Jen just leaves the room. "Give her some space, I'll help" mom says
"Yeah... help with committing suicide." I say
"Alex those were your feelings, she'll understand it ones she's calmed down. Your both going through this, and both your feelings matters" David says
"yeah except that I hurt hers feelings, AGAIN, I have to go" I say rushing out after Jen.
She's locked herself into the room. I can hear her crying and throwing things around.
"Baby, I'm sorry. I never meant it that way. Please open" I say knocking the door. No answer.

After while everyone leaves and the house is literally empty and dead. I keep on knocking in the door until I don't hear anything coming from the inside. I panic, what if?
No, it can't be true. I'm worried right now so I just break the door and get in. Jen is laying on the floor. My heart beats faster. I try to wake her up but she won't respond. At first I got so scared, but then I just checked her pulse. She's fine, she's just sleeping.

How can someone be exhausted to this point? I don't want to make anything worst so I just lay right there on the floor with her, as close as I can. Normally sleeping on the floor would be one of the most uncomfortable things ever, it actually feels ok. Just ok.

To be continued......
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