Dear Ezra,
Hey so today it has been crazy the past month or so. Idk what I'm doing any more. I just want to be happy!! I look happy to everyone but on the inside I'm a broken! Like a mirror shattered in millions of pieces! Today I saw mike after him missing 2 weeks of school!! He opened up to me and told me why! He hasn't been doing good either. I saw him today and I had the biggest smile on my face. And he gave me a heart warming smile back. When I went and talked to him I could tell he was hurting. I don't want him hurting he is such an amazing guy! He's a sweetheart!! What ever girl ends up with him is probably one of the luckiest girls ever! When I asked him if he was ok right away I saw tears in his eyes! I wanted to cry. I really wanted to cause that brought all the pain I've been trying to avoid. I told him I may be smiling but on the inside I'm broken! And he understood! But to see him smile warmed my heart. But those tears in his eyes killed me! I never want to see a friend of mine especially mike crying! I made him get up and give me a hug! I couldn't bare it! To be honest this guy is different from any other guy out there!!! He puts a huge smile on my face. No other guy has!! I'm not joking! We may only know each other's names and a little bit about each other but he's different e he is different from everyone else. When I gave him that hug I wanted to cry because he was crying plus everything I've been going through! I use to think gods only picking on me. To go through all this pain but there is some one out there who's going through the same thing or even worse. E I really hope he comes to class tomorrow. It would me a lot if he did. He is literally the one guy I think who will talk to me and listen to me about what I'm going through. I don't care about the other guys who like me right now. And let me tell you there's a lot! I wish this had never happened because I don't like any of them but mike. But the thing is idk if he likes me. I'm not going to tell him how I feel I've done that and turned out heart broken! I just can't! Tomorrow I hope he comes to class I'm praying he does!
Why is it that when I want to focus on school drama comes and tries to take me down? I'm fighting. I don't want this anymore like I said earlier mike made my tears come. The tears that I've been hiding. I'm broken but I don't want anyone knowing I am. I put up a front. And I've heard that's not good but I don't want anyone's pity I'm sure mike is the same. It just sucks. I want to cry to my mom but I don't want her to fix it she's already going through a lot herself. If I talk to my dad idk how he'll react. I just don't want to talk to anyone to be honest because if I do it either is told to everyone I know and don't know or people start talking crap. I just don't want to talk to anyone! Is that bad? I hope not.
Guys are just drama. Relationships are just drama. Everyone is drama. It's sooooo annoying! I don't want a relationship. I want to focus on school does anyone understand that. NOOO every freaking guy wants something and I know for a fact it's a relationship and sex. RJ I probably the only guy that I have ever told that I'm a Virgin and I'm waiting till marriage. But every guy needs to know I'm not the kind of girl you'll pick up at a bar and have a one night with. That's for sure!! Some people just think there are no such things of virgins anymore! RJ him self has told he is a virgin! That's rare to find a guy like that!!
To be honest I don't care for relationships! I don't care that I'm single! Hey better for me no boy drama or girls getting into my relationship!!
I thought maybe things would be different people would look at me like I'm broken. But people look at me like I'm fine nothing's wrong because that's what I tell them. But today I told mike I'm broken! Hopefully he's there tomorrow cause he seems like the only one I could talk to and I would be ok!
Well e tomorrow for sure I'll write to you to let you know what happened! You know what's going to happen! But it's ok I like writing to you!
Well e
Love you
And thanks for always being there for me!
Love,
Mari
