Brothers Best Friend

What ifs?

Warning: Rated R scene.

After we were done hanging out, Ryder and I went upstairs for a little while and eventually he had to go. Once everybody was gone, I felt a sudden wave of self doubt and unhappiness with myself. I always knew Ryder was way better looking than me and I also knew that  I wasn't the prettiest or skinniest girl ever. I was a little heavy for my height but I never thought about it much because Ryder always made me feel like I was beautiful. However, seeing the way that the waitress looked at me and how she had mentioned that there was no way I could be Ryder's girlfriend I felt self conscious. I began looking in the mirror and wondered how anybody could love me. Why was Ryder even dating me? These are things that I had always wondered but I never thought about them too much because they made me sad.

All night I couldn't stop thinking and my mind was running a mile a minute. I felt like I was never going to be able to sleep but eventually I was so tired that I guess I fell asleep suddenly because when I woke up it was time for school. I got up and showered and out of nowhere began crying. It was like all these emotions came crashing down and I couldn't hold them in. Thankfully, I was in the shower and my crying couldn't be heard. I didn't want to let anybody know about this because it felt like I was being ridiculous like this was my problem to solve.

By the time I was getting dressed, I felt so uncomfortable about myself that I felt like I had to hide. I got the baggiest T-shirt I could find, some black leggings and sneakers. I wanted to cover myself up as much as possible. I walked down stairs where Ryder was already waiting for me. He looked at me and smiled.
"You look cute" was the first thing that came out of his mouth when he saw me. And for some reason, that made me start crying again. I immediately went to hug him and he held on to me so tight.
"Hey, what's wrong why are you crying?"
I dug my head deeper into his chest and just kept crying. At this moment Matt walked in.
"Woah what going on?" I didn't answer Matt and he instantly assumed it was Ryder who had caused the crying.
"Dude what did you say to my little sister?"
"Hey it wasn't my fault. I just said she looked cute and she started crying"
They both exchanged weird looks and Matt raised his hands in the air as if to say I don't know you deal with it.
"Hey Matt can you drive yourself to school? You can take my car. I'm going to stay here with Jamie today"
Said Ryder realizing that clearly something more deep was going on. We went up stairs to my room and I sat down on my bed. Ryder, stood in front of me by the bed frame.
"Babygirl what's wrong?"
"Nothing it's stupid." Realizing that the reason I was crying was ridiculous. Ryder sat on the bed with me and pulled me on his lap so I was straddling him. He wiped the tears off my face and asked me again.
"Jamie what's wrong?" He said looking directly into my eyes.
I felt so embarrassed to say this out loud but I knew that he wouldn't stop until I told him the truth.
"It's just that, it got to me more than it should have"
"What?"
"when that waitress implied that there was no way I could be your girlfriend, I just think she was right. I'm not pretty or tall or skinny and I don't look like the type of person you should be with because you, Well you're basically perfect and every girl wants to be with you. You could have anybody but you chose me."
As I said these words I couldn't help the slight sobs that came out. I was trying so hard to stop crying but it was as if these emotions had been bottled up for a long time and I couldn't stop them from bursting out. Meanwhile, Ryder pulled me even closer and held me tight, talking softly.
"baby you're wrong. That girl what she said was wrong. She didn't say those things because you're not beautiful, she said those things because she knows she will never be as beautiful as you. Those type of people have insecurities and they take them out on others. And you're right I did have girls who wanted to be with me, but I didn't pay them any attention."
"Well why not?" I said still feeling frustrated.
"Because Jamie, none of them were you. No one will ever come close to being you. I don't know how else to explain it to you. I love you so much you don't even understand. You are beautiful and you should know that. I love your beautiful eyes" Said Ryder kissing the corners of my eyes. " I love your gorgeous smile" he said as kissed the corners of my mouth.
"God do I love those lips." He said as he placed a delicate and soft kiss on them. With every word and every kiss he just got rid of so much tension and each and every kiss felt like a relief. He kept kissing me, slowly kissing down my body. He began kissing my neck and when I thought I couldn't take much more he flipped me over onto the bed, pulled my shirt off and kissed every single part of my body. He trailed kissed down my chest and stomach until he reached my pants. He began removing my pants and I immediately wanted to get up and reciprocate but he gently pushed me back down.
"No babygirl today I'm taking care of you"
At this point I was too lost in his kisses to even form any coherent thoughts. He kissed up my legs reaching the inner part of my thighs and the pressure of his kisses made me go insane. I was trying to hold it together but once his tongue got involved and he reached my sweet spot I couldn't help but loose it. My hand immediately went to his hair and I grasped and pulled at it, grinding myself against his mouth. I felt him grunt and I went to take my hand away because I didn't want to hurt him. Before I could even move my hand,his hand came up to mine and he grasped it keeping it in place. I then felt the sensation of fingers and He hit a spot that made my whole body convulse.
"Mmm Ryder" I said barely able to contain myself. He kept his rhythm and I felt like I was going to explode. But all of sudden I wanted to try something that I had never really had the confidence to do before. I pulled his head back and he looked up at me.
"Yeah baby? What do you want?"
I began feeling embarrassed because I had never been one to be bold.
"Baby look at me and tell me what you want. "
"I want to.. I want to get on top. I want to ride you" I said almost unable to get the last words out. This is something I had been fantasizing about for a while but I never felt comfortable enough to do it.
He stayed quiet for a while not saying anything. I began to get worried.
" I mean if you don't want me to. It was just..." I trailed off embarrassed. He seemed to finally register what I was saying.
"Oh no.. no it's not that I don't want you to. It's just the thought of you like that just kind of...it's so fucking hot that I, Well I kind of lost my breath for a while." After he said this I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding. And all I could say was,
"Oh"
"Oh she says. After all that I just told you, you don't think that I would want you that way."
"Well I don't know"
"Well now you do"
After this Ryder immediately got back up and the intensity that was in his eyes minutes before was back. He was so quick in taking of his clothes and my  heart began to race in anticipation. I got up and he laid down on the bed. I straddled him and he placed me down adjusting me to the right spot. I began moving slowly and a bit timidly not able to look Ryder In the eyes.
"Baby look at me. I promised you that I was taking care of you today. Do whatever you need because trust me.. and I truly mean this I am loving every second of this."
This was the last affirmation I needed before I was able to fully let go. I started moving, slowly picking up my speed. I could hear Ryder groaning and I could feel his hands grip me harder  which only made me move in a more frantic and exasperated way. My movements were getting faster and messy. All inhibition was gone and I was just focused on reaching my climax.
"Fucking hell baby. I don't think I can hold on for much longer. Fuck"
I could feel myself ready to explode. With a last few frantic movements, I finally let go. I was almost shaking letting out a loud moan. Ryder following right after.
"Oh my god babe. That was so fucking hot" Said Ryder sounding breathless.
"You liked it?"
"You don't even know how good that was for me."
"Really? Cause I kind of want to do it again"
And that's how we spent the whole evening. Ryder taking care of me and letting me do anything that I needed. He made me feel important, he made me feel loved and he made me feel beautiful and that's all I could ever ask for.