Felicity

XIII

Reid's POV

   I hesitated as I caught Derek look at me for the fifth time since we had arrived in Texas. I knew it. He had figured it out already. He was already suspecting that something was going on, which meant he was going to ask me about it. I didn't want him to, I wanted to keep this to myself. How could I tell him what's going on when it could ruin everything? This situation could only go two ways. I'd have to lie to him or tell the truth. Which would he want me to do? Well, anyone would want to hear the truth, but would he want to hear this truth? And what if I don't want to say anything? Would I still have to tell him because I don't want to lie to him?

   While I was thinking, I hadn't realized that Derek had stepped in front of me and he must've said something because he had a weird look on his face. 

   "Sorry, what?" I asked, trying to focus on what was happening. 

   Everyone was scattered around the room having their own conversations and I was the only one still sitting down. 

   "I asked if you were okay. You seem pretty out of it," He replied with that look on his face still staying put. 

   I shook my head. "No, I'm fine. I was thinking about what we had concluded about the unsub. There was just something about the parents of the victims that seemed a bit off."

   This seemed to be enough to convince him because he nodded his head and he said,

   "You're right. I noticed that too. Everyone, especially Randy Terrence's father, seemed to be a bit calmer."

   I was relieved that he didn't go deeper with me zoning out. But, I knew that he wouldn't leave it alone for long. If it wasn't then, he was going to talk to me some time again. I looked at my watch. It was almost nine. If I stayed out any later, I wouldn't be able to get any sleep. But with everything that had been going on in my mind lately, I probably wouldn't be getting much sleep anyway. I guess that Derek saw me looking elsewhere because he then said,

   "Do you want me to drive us to the hotel?"

   It was honestly the last thing I wanted at that moment, but I didn't want to be rude. 

   "Um, sure. Thanks," I lied straight through my teeth. 

   I got up and I grabbed my messenger bag. It was too late to say no. I sighed and followed Derek out of the police station. I felt sick. I had no idea if it was because I didn't know what to say or because I didn't want him to know the truth. I had a feeling that he wouldn't want to know either or that he wouldn't like what I might tell him. As he opened the door to the SUV, a billion thoughts whizzed through my head as I anticipated the moment in which he would figure it out. 

   We started the drive to the hotel and I closed my eyes. I wasn't trying to fall asleep but I thought if I could just focus on my breathing I wouldn't think about the moments to come. Maybe I was overreacting. But I don't think I was ready to accept the truth, let alone telling anyone how I felt. 

   "Reid. You've got to tell me what's going on. I can't watch you beat yourself up for God-knows-what. You seriously can't keep things to yourself. It tears you up. And it hurts almost, watching you," He said, breaking the silence. 

   The thing was, he was right. Completely right. And I think somewhere deep down, I wanted to tell him. He needed to know. I mean, didn't he have a right, since it involved him?

   "I don't know. For once, I don't know. I don't know what to say, what to do, what to think. Can that be my answer? I don't know?" I replied.

   He paused. He was thinking whether or not he wanted me to tell him more, which I knew he did. 

   "I swear, you make me worry too much," He replied, shaking his head. 

   "I know, I'm sorry."

The Hotel

   I sat down on the neat hotel bed. I had no idea if what I said to Derek was right or wrong. It felt weird when I said it as if it was a lie but I didn't feel as if I was lying. He is going to find out eventually, isn't he? I thought. Internally, I was debating whether or not it was better to tell him or just wait. Wait for what, though? Was I just supposed to sit there and wait for him to make me tell him? I didn't like the thought of that. If that happened it would be terrible. I tried not to imagine him getting mad at me and forcing me to tell him. 

   Not much later I started to drift off into sleep. I felt satisfied as I started to dream. As soon as I opened my eyes when I was dreaming, I noticed that no one was there. I found that I could move, unlike the dreams I had previously. I started to walk, it was almost uncontrollable. I had no idea where I was going or why. I was surrounded by white. It was almost blinding. Even so, there was nothing that showed signs of the source of the light, life or anything else for that matter. 

   Where am I? Is anyone else here? I thought as I looked around. I opened my mouth to say something but before I could I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and I saw JJ there. 

   "Hey, Spence!" She greeted me with a smile on her face. 

   I couldn't think of anything to say and before I could I said,

   "What are you doing in my dream?"

   She smiled as if her being here was completely normal. I had never seen her in my dreams before.

   "I'm here to tell you the truth. Just like Maeve and Derek have," She said it so casually that I thought that she was actually there. 

   "What truth?" Was all that I could reply with. 

   "Shouldn't you have gotten it by now? Derek is worried about you, I know you know that. You can't just keep this to yourself. You know that you are bad at hiding things. You are just going to make everyone worried if you don't say something," She said. 

   "How do you even know?" I asked.

   "Spence, I knew before you did."

Please don't yell at me- I know. The chapter was bad... but the next one will definitely better! I swear. Just don't kill me. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed at least part of it. Please keep reading, I swear it gets better! Thanks again for reading and have a good night! Love y'all!