Felicity

XIV

   I had no idea what to say. I tried to think about it logically, but my brain went numb. I had studied heavily on dreams because of the nightmares I had about Maeve, but the only answer I could come up with was- she's right. 

   "I don't know how to tell him..." I replied. 

   "Me neither," was her response. 

   I looked down at my feet but as soon as I looked back up, JJ was gone. There was no longer white surrounding me, but black. As I came to my senses a bit more about what had just happened, I realized the black was the back of my eyelids. I opened my eyes and looked around. Nothing seemed to be out of place or different. I sighed with relief as I got up. I checked my watch, it was almost five in the morning. We didn't have to be at the police department until seven. 

   I thought about the dream. Once my mind had cleared, I thought about the meaning of the dream. I had read in one book that one's subconscious would talk to them in different forms, like friends or family, to tell them important information. I thought about this for a minute. The past month, I had been dreaming about Derek, Maeve, and then JJ telling me things that seemed to have been good advice. Is this what has been going on? I thought. I mean, logically it did make sense. It was true that I needed to tell Derek. It was all true.

   But how? My only question. How was I going to tell him? How was he going to respond? How was I going to deal with it if something goes wrong? How, how, how? I had just gotten off of the bed, but I had to sit back down. It was too much for me to think about. Everything that had happened over the past month stuck in my head. I didn't want to think about any of it. I got up again, hoping that this wouldn't bother me for the rest of the day. 

   As I got ready for work, I swore again that I would make an effort to tell Derek the legitimate truth. JJ was right like she always was. If I keep dreaming about everyone on the team I have no idea how I'll be able to face them, I thought. I sighed and then realized that Derek drove me to the hotel. I looked at my watch. It was only five-thirty. I sighed again awkwardly and then sat back down. I didn't know if I could tell him right yet, and if he put me on the spot before I had coffee, I was going to mess everything up. 

   Maybe I'm overreacting? I thought.

   After a couple of minutes and thinking about it more, I got more and more stressed. If only I could just walk up to him.

   "Maybe then I could say something..." I said aloud as I put my head in my hands.  

   I'll tell him as soon as this case is over. If I tell him before, it could negatively affect my work, I thought, trying to rationalize the situation. I took a deep breath. It wasn't as bad as I thought, right?

Alpine PD

   I stepped into the conference room with a cup of coffee in my hand. I had managed to get to the police station without stressing too much about Derek. It was hard, though. I didn't know why it bothered me so much. I wasn't as confident as he was, so it was hard for me to feel as good about myself as he did. I envied that about him. It was almost hard, standing next to his enormous ego. I knew I couldn't compare to him. 

   I shook my head, trying to ignore the thought. There were more important things to be handled. Even so, my feelings tore away at me. I wanted to run when I thought about them. When my heart beat out of my chest because Derek passed me and when the littlest things made my mind go fuzzy. I knew that some mental illnesses attributed to confusion and dizziness, but I knew this was different. 

   I took a deep breath and sat down. What was I doing? The majority of my time nowadays was dedicated to thinking about Derek. I hated it, but the more I thought about it, the less consumed I was with anything else. I suddenly heard a voice from behind me. 

   "Reid."

   I turned around and saw Derek behind me. He looked kind of serious like something had happened. He had seemed fine when he drove me there, I wondered what could have happened since we arrived. He didn't even give me enough time to respond before he said, 

   "Come here, I want to talk to you about something."

   His tone was not friendly and this was an order. I was a little bit worried, but I reluctantly got up and followed him out of the building. I got more and more nervous as he led me outside. He didn't even stop when we were in front of the building, he insisted on taking me to the side. 

   "What is it, Derek?" I said in a noticeably shivery tone. 

   He turned to face me and got very close to me. He furrowed his eyebrows and said fiercely, 

   "Spencer Reid, you are going to tell me what's going on right now. You need to tell me now or I'm telling the others that you need time off. Don't think that I haven't been noticing your lack of engagement in these past cases. So, what is going on with you?"

   I could tell that he was not messing around. It kind of scared me, the way the words came out of his mouth. At first, nothing came out of my mouth. I was honestly scared. How was this going to pan out? Was he going to be mad?

   "I-I..."

   I hoped and I prayed inside that he couldn't hear the shakiness in my breath and my pounding heartbeat. I couldn't answer. I wasn't ready, didn't he know that? Before I could think about anything else, Derek put his hand up to my chin and said,

   "I'm not waiting any longer. You've made me worry enough, with your dreams and now this. Tell me. Now."

   "I don't- I'm..." I stuttered. 

   This wasn't good. 

Omfg, I am so sorry for the late update. But, there was a lot of stuff going on at school. At least thank me for updating while on vacation. Anyway, here's your update. The upcoming chapters are going to be gay filled. So, don't worry. And also, please don't be afraid to comment. I would love to see your thoughts. Well, have a good night, love you all! <3