Comic Zone

Black Friday 2: Mall Santa

(Group chat Skit)
Tobias: Are you ready?
Brent: Of course. But one thing must me asked?
Tobias: *Puts hands on hips* Shoot.
Brent: *Raises eyebrow* You're not banned from the Armenian Orchard Mall are you?
Tobias: No! *Mutters under breath* I don't think so...
Brent: *Grips Tobias's hand* We should go in now.
Tobias: *Grins* Yup!
Tobias and Brent: *Take a step in*
Brent: *Eyes widen* Holy macaroni in a Zamboni! This place is packed!
*The Armenian Orchard Mall is filled to the brim with peopling shopping for Christmas gifts, striving for Santa pictures, or just hating their job at the moment*
Tobias: We should probably get in line.
Person 1: You're already in the line buddy.
Tobias and Brent: Wait what?!
Person 2: Yeah. You're most likely going to be here for a long while.
Brent: You're serious?!
Tobias: This is the end of the line fílos. We just do not have much luck when it comes to holidays.
Brent: Don't you worry about a thing. I will get us to the front of the line if it's the last thing I do. *Pulls Tobias ahead with him*
Kennedy: That Brent guy is kinda rude Ain.
Ain: I don't know. He seemed nice.
(Sometime latel...)
Tobias: You have got to me kidding me. This line must wrap around earth three times!
Brent: I see some people taking selfies with the fake gingerbread men. Not even Santa! This is just insulting!
Tobias: Wait...*Squints* Are they seriously in line with their pets?
Brent: *Scratches head* It looks like we are going to be in this line for a long while...
*BUZZ*
Brent: Huh? Looks like I got a notification.
*BUZZ*
Tobias: Me too... *Checks phone*
Sent 2:55 Pm: Contact: Kris Kringle
Hohoho loser!
Tobias: *Gasps and snaps head towards Santa*
Santa: *Has an evil Grinch smile*
Tobias: *Grumbles under breath* That ancient, ugly, cookie gobbling, prick! *Sighs* What did you get Brent?
Brent: I got...I don't think you will believe until you see it. Here. *Hands Tobias his phone*
Tobias: Let's take a look here, "Brent,

At 3:00 Pm today, someone will poison the Kool-Aid in your water bottle. Please be careful.

Cordially,
Future Brent"
What?!
Brent: What did I tell you?
Tobias: Did this seriously just happen? I got insulted by a holiday icon and you got a warning from the future!
Brent: It's probably a faker anyways. *Puts hand on Tobias's shoulder* Let's not worry about it Toby! We will get through this like we got through Black Friday.
Tobias: We got kicked out of the Walmart and got our gáidaroses handed to us by an old man with a black belt.
Brent: Tsk Tsk Tsk Tobias. You have got to look on the bright side of things, 1) You are not banned here, 2) We have not gotten beat up yet, and 3) Santa is in clear view.
Tobias: *Look up with a smile* When you put that way, there is no way that I can give up.
Brent: *Smiles* Okay then! Hey stranger?
Stranger: Yes?
Brent: Can you step aside for my friend and I please? I need to sit on a stranger's lap and talk about my desires.
Stranger: *Nods* Understandable.
Stranger 2: Hey Sleezebag! We all want to sit on a stranger's lap and talk about our desires too, but you don't have to cut through everyone!
Tobias: Wait, really? Even that old man with creeping dementia? *Points to a familiar looking old man* Wait, are you....
Felix: *Gasps* Not you again!
Tobias: Why are you here Dunkmeister?
Felix: Don't call me that! Also, I have Arthritis not Dementia!
Tobias: Why do you want to see Santa?
Felix: I don't. My grandkids wants to.
Lilly: Hi, I'm Lilly!
Elias: And I'm Elias!
Tobias: You have cute grandkids. Way better looking then you.
Felix: How dare you Poníros?!
Brent: You know we are all in clear view of Santa's Workshop, right?
Felix: Hey! Don't ignore me!
Tobias: We could probably do this in no time with a montage.
Brent: *Pulls out button with a smile* Can I press it?!
Tobias: Yup!
Brent: *Presses montage button*
*All of the sudden royalty free trap music plays in the background*
Brent and Tobias: *Slip through people to get to Santa*
*The trap music suddenly comes to a halt*
Tobias: Looks like Santa is a couple yards away.
Brent: *Looks at the button with wonder* Oh my god it works!
*Trap music starts again*
*One montage later because the author does not feel like describing what is around the main characters*
Brent: WOW! We got here within a minute. How is that possible?
Tobias: *Fist bumps Brent* With the power of montages. Now let's ask that old fart for presents.
Brent: Okay then! *Looks ahead* Santa is ri-oh no...
Tobias: What's the ma- *Looks where Brent is looking* Oh dear...
* Same kid from https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=G7RgN9ijwE4&feature=youtu.be is sitting on Santa's lap, stutter and all*
Santa: Jeez, kid, hurry up!
Tobias: Oh come on! This kids stutter is worse than my math grades!
Brent: Well, Tobias, we're going to be here for a while.
Tobias: Might as well check over my Christmas list. *Pulls out a scroll and checks it over*
Brent: Gee...all of this time in the mall has me quite parched. *Opens backpack* I wish I brought some wa- *Pulls out a water bottle* Deer Park!
Tobias: *Looks up from his scroll* What are you doing Brent?
Brent: *Quirks an eyebrow* I'm about to drink some water.
Tobias: Well then...what are you doing with that Kool-Aid flavor packet. *Points at the packet in Brent's hand*
Brent: *Gives a closed eye smile* It's Black Cherry! That's my favorite!
Tobias: Brent. What does your watch say?
Brent: *Looks at Apple Watch* It's 3:00 Pm.
Tobias: And don't you remember what future you said?
Brent: Someone would poison my Kool-Aid at 3: 00 Pm.
Tobias: Then why are you about to drink Kool-Aid that you know that you didn't bring?!
Brent: It's not Kool-Aid it's water with a Kool-Aid flavor packet in it!
Tobias: Why do you carry that in your back pocket?!
Brent: You never know when a water bottle is going to be offered to you!
Tobias: My god! You must be the type of guy that washes his hands before taking a shower!
Brent: You're the type of guy who'd cancel a doctors appointment because he's sick!
Tobias: You probably put your milk in before the cereal!
Brent: You probably say nothing to the waiter when they bring the wrong food!
Tobias: You know I don't say anything!
*4 hours of arguing later...*
*The exact kid from earlier is still trying to say his first item on his list*
*A skeleton dressed as Santa has the kid on his lap*
Santa: *Comes back to the Workshop* That was a nice bre-ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! HOW ARE YOU STILL ON YOUR FIRST ITEM?!
Kid: *Wells up in tears* Well-I-You-When you-You-I-I-Santa-Well-When
Santa: H-Hold on kiddo. There is no reason to be sad. Take your time.
Tobias and Brent: *Suddenly halt their roasting session* Wait what?!
Santa: *Looks at Brent and Tobias and chuckles evilly* Well we'll well...if it isn't Poníros and Caldwell...*Grins* Come on up! This kid can wait!
Tobias and Brent: *Look at each other, shrug, then walk up to Santa*
Santa: *Goals kicks kid into the Build A Bear Workshop* That should buy us some time.
Tobias: Why are you being nice to us? You literally texted me, "Hohoho Loser." 
Santa: Oh. I was on break from 1:00 - 3:00 and from 6:00 Pm - 7:00 Pm. My substitute was- *Gasp* Tboub Dmbvt!
Tobias: How did you pronounce that?
Brent: Isn't that just Santa Claus but each letter in the name is the next letter of the alphabet?
Santa: My father North thought that it was clever at the time. You can see how that turned out. Tboub is a notorious serial killer in the poles and is always trying to murder my elves and reindeer! Most of his attempts to get at me are failures though.
Tobias: What do you mean most?
Santa: *Sighs* Have you heard of the 10th reindeer, Olive the Other Reindeer?
Brent: Isn't that just a pun from the Christmas song, "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer"?
Santa: That is also true, but he was my 10th reindeer as well. He joined the crew in 1997 and not long after that, he got killed. We later found out that Tboub was behind it, but by then it was all too late. Olive was already murdered by him...
Tobias: That's awful...
Brent: How can we help?
Santa: I'm not so sure.
Tboub: Hello there...*Punches Santa*
Santa: *Knocks into a Candy Cane*
*People scream and cry as they rush out of the Mall leaving only Tobias, Brent, Santa, Tboub, and the stuttering kid who is still stuck inside of the Build A Bear*
Tobias: *Jumps onto Tboub's back*
Tboub: *Throws Tobias into the air and drop kicks him*
Brent: *Kicks Tboub in the shin*
Tboub: *Looks hurt for a second then grins* *Takes Tobias, Brent, and Santa And slams their skulls together* *Throws then into a corner*
Tobias: *Grunts* He's fighting us like its nothing.
Brent: I'm a little off center right now!
Santa: Tboub seems to really want to hurt us, but for some reason I know with all of my heart that he has no intention to hurt us.
Tobias: You realize that you've yet to explain why he hates you?
Santa: Well...
Tboub: I can explain! *Winks* I just love story time! My dear brother hear was always the favorite! My old man North clearly enjoyed his company more! I tried and I tried and I could just never measure up! I dealt with it and still had my head held up high! Then again, all it takes is just one bad day...
Brent: *Secretly pulls out his phone and calls 911*
Tobias: *Whispers* What're you doing? He could catch you and murder you!
Brent: Trust me. He is so loud that he'll probably not hear a single word that comes out of my mouth.
(One long cliché later)
Tboub: Now! It is time for your life's to come an en-AAAGH! *Gets shot by a police officer and falls to the ground*
Officer: Tboub Dmbvt! You're under arrest for murder, assault, animal cruelty, and a multitude of other things!
Santa: Thank you boys!
Tobias: It's was nothing. Who you should be thanking is Brent. He's the one who called the police.
Santa: I have the upmost gratitude for you Brent. You saved our lives and quite possibly dozens of others lives. Despite that fact, both of you boys deserve to be on the nice list. Permanently.
Tobias and Brent: *Cheer and high five eachother*
Santa: Now go home boys, Your parents must be worried.
Tobias: We'll go straight home to them Mr. Claus!
Brent: *As they walk back home* Hey Tobias?
Tobias: Yes Brent?
Brent: Are we going to do Black Friday 3: Easter Sunday?
Tobias: *Shrugs*
Word Count: 1881
Yes I will be doing Black Friday 3 eventually with Tobias and Brent. I will wait for April to do it though since it will actually fit for once with the holiday season. When the time comes, I will wish you a Happy Easter. 🐰
A/N: Eye On The Prize will take a long while to make so I will be releasing the skits that come afterwards as I'm working on it.