melancholia → jin-centric

make it alright

Beer. Or maybe wine. He needs one right now. Isn't it hideous that he has to hide his addiction from the members when most of his friends are out drinking, having the time of their lives, wasting themselves out until the party's over? Isn't it very...

Embarrassing? No, don't get the wrong idea. He loves his members so much but he doesn't understand why he has to hide himself. He doesn't know why he has to hide his true self when he could easily say that he needs to find,

His happiness. Isn't his happiness is what makes things complicated? He can just be contented with the members but something in him roars and says, "this isn't what I'm looking for."

The singer looked around. Plain white wall and cemented ceiling that seems to be unfinished, if it wasn't for Seokjin's artistic perspective. Unfinished. Is he unfinished like the ceiling? Maybe, like himself, some people might glint at him and confess, "yes, you're amazing." But not everyone are artists, or he isn't art either. Chuckling, he swayed his head side to side as he thinks of it as silly thoughts.

"Jin-hyung, Hoseok-hyung cooked dinner." The eldest was thankful he stopped thinking about it a second before Jimin told him that. He ruffled his hair and nodded a while after the dancer realized and said, "Why isn't there lights here, Jin-hyung?"

"What?" He panicked. "It's too dark, why isn't the lights turned on?" Jimin rephrased before sighing and switched the lights. Jin grimaced at the sudden and harsh brightness of the fluorescent, squinting his eyes as he looked down. "I won't question your sudden actions but please eat dinner with us. Hyung wants to apologize again." Then the singer left while he emit a sigh.

"Aish. Why am I like this?"

Why are you like this?

...

"Ah, yes! Our great Jin-hyung is here at last!" Jungkook stood up and gave him an applause, shaking his head as he grinned. Taehyung, later, decided to join him and clapped as well. Seokjin froze at the sudden noise, he hasn't got used to it though they had a concert the last two months. "Jin-hyung?" He shook his head and smiled at their thoughtfulness, the dinner table looked like a buffet. There was some healthy options and some are guilty pleasures that he ate in EatJin. He reminisced the memories, Ah, the good old days.

"I cooked most of it and got help from Yoongi-hyung!" The dancer remarked as he stood proud of himself before Jimin gasped and rose from his seat. "I helped you too!" Hoseok ruffled the boy's hair as he nodded. "I disapproved the lobster but since you liked it so much that you have a lobster phone case, I sort of let it go I guess. Enjoy your food, hyung." The leader showed off his dimples and sat back down as Seokjin looked at the table in amazement.

"Wow...You guys," Jin glanced up and unintentionally showed his glossy eyes, they don't hate him at all unlike what he thought. "Ah, hyung! Don't cry! It will ruin the food and the mood!" Yoongi shouted, waving his hands to stop the eldest from showing his tears. The singer chuckled and gave him a nod, sitting down after.

It all went fine but,

"It isn't what I'm looking for."

...

"Hey, Yoongi," the eldest placed his arm on his forehead while the rapper grumbled, "What?"

"Wanna go drink?" Seokjin bit on his lip, he is taking a risk right now. It's too dangerous. "Are you out of your mind, hyung? It's 10 PM." Yoongi didn't bother to spare a glance at his roommate as he was focused on his laptop. "You dumbass. I didn't mean drinking in clubs or bars," the singer chuckled. "Then what, hyung?"

"I mean, the park-" the rapper cut him off and said, "And let our manager know? Do you love his scolding?" Seokjin contemplated. Their manager sure is a kind person, but is kind of strict in their shenanigans. Bad move, Seokjin. Bad Move.

"Can we just drink here? We have a clear schedule tomorrow," Yoongi sighed and closed his laptop. His hyung is rarely like this without a serious reason, so it wouldn't hurt right?

"Okay, hyung. I just won't drink that much so I can finish the songs tomorrow." The singer shrugged and let out a grin, he was too excited that he immediately exited the room to get a bottle of wine hidden in their kitchen cabinets.

"Here it is," Seokjin proudly told the younger like he was drunk already. The rapper could only chuckle and shake his head with his hyung's actions, he is too silly.

"Why did you want to drink, Jin-hyung?" Yoongi took a sip from the glass after Seokjin poured wine. The eldest sighed and smiled sadly, circling the glass with his hand before saying, "I don't know..."

"Come on, hyung. You only get drunk when you have a problem." Yoongi's words repeated in his mind, running around like a madman.

You only get drunk when you have a problem.

YOU ONLY GET DRUNK WHEN YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.

"Hyung?" The singer clicked his tongue before sipping the beverage, why is he getting emotional now? "Well, maybe I have. Maybe I don't. I have no idea, Yoongi."

"Open up. It's okay, hyung." Ah, there it is. Is this the point where Seokjin can reveal his secrets, his dark unknowns, and his wrong mindset.

Be careful, you might be pricked by a rose, his mind spoke.

You might be pricked by a rose. That's what his father told him. "Everything lovely can hurt you and leave you crying. Don't trust anyone easily, young boy," his dad explained. But, it wouldn't hurt because it's Yoongi, right? They've been sharing secrets with each other since years ago, he's sure Yoongi wouldn't let him down.

"I'm perfectly okay. I mean," Seokjin cupped his elbows and uncomfortably shifted his sitting position, "I just don't know why I'm feeling down all of a sudden."

Yoongi nodded before taking another sip of wine, "Nothing's bothering you, right?" Seokjin hesitantly shook his head and drank all the wine in his glass cup, savouring the bitter aftertaste of the liquid.

"Sometimes happiness waves at me and says hello but sadness just fucking tries to be in the picture and fills up my soul for no absolute reason." Normally, Yoongi would laugh at his dark humor (though he doesn't really show it) yet he's listening, all ears for his hyung.

"I hate it. I hate this feeling. It tears me up inside. It fucking hurts." The eldest laughed before opening another bottle of wine, realizing he had just finished a full one.

"And why is that?"

"I told you. I don't fucking know. I feel so sorry that you guys have to keep up with my mood swings and my problems, I'm sorry for being the worst hyung." A sob. A sob managed to escape his mouth as he put down his glass. Yoongi's brows furrowed in worry, what should he do?

"Hyung..." He admits, he doesn't have a damn clue in giving comfort. But he certainly does his best in it, hence why he brought the trembling man to his arms. "It's okay to cry. It will be..." No, he doesn't want to drop it when he himself doesn't know what happened nor what Seokjin feels.

"Resolved." He felt like that word is more appropriate than 'fine', he just wish that it will be true. "Please..." Seokjin told him, his voice breaking.

"Please make it alright."

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My mind is jumbled up so I don't really know what I'm writing but I want to update sooo