melancholia → jin-centric

[H] everyday, i feel like dying

“Jinnie, somebody’s at the door. I’m just gonna check, okay?” The younger nodded-even though it was just a tilt of a head-and Jaewhan gave him a smile as he patted his hair. It was a blessing that he calmed down. It was hard for Jaewhan to wrap bandages around his arms while the younger was trembling and tears became a waterfall.

The wooden door opened by Jaewhan as he saw his manager and 7 lost-looking boys. He took a deep breath before giving a little smile, “I don’t think that Seokjin would like to see all of you. Right now.”

“Yeah, we understand. Thank you so much.” Namjoon looked over his shoulder and the maknaes knew that they should stay in the van. All that was left were Namjoon, Hoseok, Yoongi, and Sejin. Jaewhan bowed before letting them enter his apartment, all of them breathing heavily as they tried to think what they should say.

After a few more steps, they reached the living room, where Seokjin was sitting peacefully, a cup of tea in between his palms. They were scared, seeing the tear stained cheeks and the bandaged arms, and oh, the hollow void painted in his eyes.

Their manager left them and let the members talk with the eldest. Namjoon first sat beside Seokjin, terrified as the singer didn’t move. Hoseok tried touching his hyung’s back, but the latter shrugged his hand off, and Hoseok just sat still on the couch. Yoongi stood farther than them, beside the television in front of them. No one dared to say a word. And that scares every single one.

“It's alright, hyung. Yoongi-hyung was just shocked.” Namjoon informed the eldest as Seokjin kept a stoic face, tensing everyone.

“Shocked?” he chuckled with emptiness, “What if I told you worse things? What if I told you I was suffering?” the singer stood up harshly, his voice became gradually louder—

“What if I told you that I am constantly hiding own worries for the group? What will you do? Get mad at me? Or worse, hurt me? The only reason I do this is for the sake of you!” Everyone flinched. Even Sejin who’s in a room to talk with Jaewhan about Seokjin. He never shouted like this. He never shouted like the whole world collapsed in front of his eyes. He never shouted like everyone left him. Yet this situation’s changing their mindset about it.

(And it’s killing Seokjin.)

Like a horror movie, everything became a calm before a storm, everything fell silent before the protagonist gets killed—

“What if I told you that every day I feel like dying?” Seokjin swallowed a lump in his throat before falling on his knees, falling into the void, falling into the paranoia of his own soul. The ropes already cut, but it pushed him into the ocean, forcing himself to drown and disappear.

He felt the world ending right now.

Until he felt soft hands caressing his fragile figure as the music stopped.

“Then we'll still stay, hyung. We won't give up on you.” Namjoon's words were spoken like the rain while it dropped on his hair. It was calming.

“You'll never walk alone, hyung. We won't allow that!” Yoongi was wailing as well, they looked like four little kittens that were drenched in the rain, seeking comfort with each other.

“I don't kno-ow—” came a choked sob, “what I've d-done to des-serve this—!” said the sobbing male, hands gripping tighter onto his sweater as if he would vanish like the wind.

“Please hold on, h-hyung. Hold on for us, please.” Hoseok cried in the crook of his neck, shaking while his nails dug on the material.

Sejin and Jaehwan silently watched the members as frantic knocks were heard on the door. The maknae line. After they opened the door, three worried faces greeted them.