melancholia → jin-centric

fainting and crying

Hoseok didn't feel slightly right. His head was throbbing and he could feel his temperature rising. Though he felt cold as if everywhere was Antarctica. He was shivering and his bright smile wasn't on his face anymore. And of course the first who would notice is…

“Jin-hyung, make us more pancakes!” the maknaes demanded as the eldest didn't turn his stare away from the dancer. Hoseok could feel a shiver up his spine, slightly moving quickly. And that's when Seokjin decided to ask the boy after examining his figure.

“Hobi, are you sick?” the maknaes decided to shut up, as they brought the frenzy to silence. The two rappers glanced at the sick member, worry filling their eyes. Seokjin took steps to reach Hoseok, touching his forehead before wincing at its temperature.

“Don't let this man practice. And let him rest,” he announced through the whole table, all eyes on the singer before nodding. Hoseok could only sigh, knowing how stubborn his hyung is.

“Now Hobi, go to your room and rest. I'll bring you a soup and medicine,” the dancer nodded before lazily standing up and slowly walked to his room.

“And you,” he pointed at the maknaes, “stop hogging the food by yourselves. We got other members too.”

“I'll inform Sejin-hyung, he'll probably stop here for the medicine,” Namjoon said, looking after the singer as he disappeared to the kitchen.

“Thank you, we ran out of it,” a distressed looking man, Kim Seokjin, came out of the kitchen, with a box of medicine on his hand.

“Yeah, we have to go hyung. I'm sure that Hoseok can catch up.”

“How about Seokjin-hyung?” Jimin asked before wiping his mouth with a tissue. The eldest raised a brow, what about him?

“He can't catch up like Hobi-hyung. No offense, hyung, but the choreo is so damn difficult! You might have to go to the hospital if you practice it for like 5 times,” they all laughed, some were even slamming the table out of amusement.

He blinked. He can feel his heart tightening, pulling the ropes and strings of his body, the words echoing. His head hazy, air suffocating his lungs.

“Hyung? You okay?” he didn't realize that he was standing before a peaceful breakfast. Jungkook looking at him with doe eyes, Taehyung with a spoon in his mouth, Namjoon staring at him with a tablet in his hand, Yoongi with his brow raised, and lastly, Jimin with a mouthful of bread.

“What?”

“You looked like you lost your breath or something. You have a fever too, hyung?” Yoongi's face was painted with a puzzled look, bewildered as he scanned the eldest.

“No,” he glanced at the oldest of the maknae line, “did you say something?”

“Me?” Jimin asked him, blinking twice before shaking his head. The eldest gulped, furrowing his brows.

You crazy now, huh?

“What, is there a ghost here or something?” Namjoon laughed, but behind it you can hear the fear and worry leaking.

“Yah, don't worry about it. I think my head is just playing tricks with me.”

…

“Hyung?” Hoseok's scratchy voice filled Seokjin's eardrums. He rose up from his seat, softly patting the dancer's thigh as the younger still had his eyes closed.

“Hyung's here,” he replied, taking the soaked cloth from the rapper's head and putting it on the bowl beside the bed.

“My head hurts,” Hoseok said, flinging his arm to feel Seokjin's hand.

“I'm sorry, Hobi. But manager-hyung is on his way. You're gonna get better,” Seokjin held the dancer's hand delicately, placing his other hand on the rapper's leg.

“How's the members?” Seokjin didn't respond, rinsing the cloth in the bowl and twisting it slightly so it can absorb the heat from Hoseok's forehead.

“Rest. Please Hobi, rest. I know you've been staying in the studio for like more than a day. You're such a stubborn person,” he remarked, adding a 'tsk' at the end of his statement. Hoseok opened his eyes, feeling the damp cloth on his forehead, gripping the eldest's hand tightly.

“You've done worse, hyung. I swear, I saw your bottle of pills in your bag, it has s-some gibberish, something, I don't know. But I know it's s-serious and you're hiding it from us,” the dancer's grip loosened as he spoke lazily. He dropped his hand as sleep conquered over his body.

Seokjin's heart beat loudly, like drums in a fiesta, like a runner in a marathon, like speakers in an arena. He was running out of breath.

His meds. He forgot to take his meds.

He dashed out of the room, panic rising through his veins. He got a hold of the bag under his bed, unzipping it fast and finding a bottle.

Calm down, you would die eventually anyway.

“You're hiding it from us.” Hoseok's words felt like a broken guitar, strumming it even more as it felt like torture to his ears. He gulped the pills, tears escaping his eyes. His hands shaky as he put the cap back on the bottle then putting it back inside the bag, hiding his deepest secret.

“I'm sorry,” he cried out, hiccups came after. He didn't know it would be this difficult. What Hoseok said was like peeling his skin until it reached his bones, undressing him until he was bare, digging into his mind until it reached the voice. He was a gullible man, believing and believing every single lie, word, and thought that it said. He was a pathetic person, hating every piece of himself. If he could disappear now, he'll probably say yes without having a second thought.

The voice always hates him. The voice always loves to make him suffer, dominating and manipulating his mind. Making his life miserable, reminding him of his mistakes so he could dwell on it, saying that all of them hate him, his foolish self and his soul. He let it win. He let it manipulate him because what's the sense if he'll die anyway? It's not like he lost hope for his condition but with his job and all, he'll lose that recovering chance. It's not like they would need me anyway.

But is it selfish to say that he needs them? He would choose them everyday, he would clean and cook and even be their slave in the worst case scenario. They are his family, his friends, his love. They filled the space in his heart, they still accepted him and make him feel validated.

You're supposed to be sad. You don't deserve to be happy. They're only doing that because it's required. You're not special, Seokjin.

“Seokjin!” he heard a voice shout before fainting into darkness.