My Cracking Heart

My Broken Heart

I don't think my heart functions as the same as others. At least I don't think it breaks the same. After a breakup one would say it is shattered but mine doesn't do that. Mine cracks. It cracks a piece away and my goodness does it hurt badly. It continues this onward and daily. I seek advice to see if it heals but the cracking doesn't stop. Day by day crack by crack as though it's meant to be perpetual. I know it's gonna stop. It's gonna stop, I'm sure it's gonna stop. I wish it would stop. Please let this stop I don't know where to hold anymore. Will this ever stop. I claim to be the better person yet clearly I'm not. I hurt myself by breaking me bit by bit. I then stop try to feel again and start mending a bit of it. In the process I f*ck up dangerously. I hurt myself and someone else as well. I didn't mean to hurt them. They didn't deserve it. I think they didn't deserve it. After three more cracks and tearful nights I conclude. They had it coming what more should they expect right. I crack some more as I notice how inhumane I'm becoming. The cracking is still going. Each time I think of you I only see the hammer and nail on my heart. I only see the pain you cause. You try to mend it but it doesn't work. I cry hoping a tear will go away with the pain but it doesn't. Day by day I become numb and numb. I wanna do good, i know I can but who deserves it more than myself. I wanna feel good about myself but I can't. I crack some more. It gets colder and colder in there, and there's a void that's opening that I don't understand. I only know of how it's there I don't understand why it's there. I am dying inside on a daily basis and I can't do anything about it. How long shall I lament myself to rest. How long shall I keep cracking. Oww today I woke up with a different feeling. I saw her passing by and one crack became complete. A piece of me fell apart again. I'm bleeding now but when I held my heart and took a look at my hands they weren't red. They aren't tainted with blood. There's nothing there anymore. I'm bleeding right why can't I feel anything. Why am I suffering in this way. I think there's nothing left and from nowhere I hear a voice again. Another piece falls off and I just smile. I'm alright thanks and you?  My biggest lie of all. I am dying save me is my truth but my tears are broken now. My voice is shattered and my memories are like the first crack before one cries. Each time I speak to myself I end up in tears. I crack some more. This time I can't even see what's cracking anymore. I am broken. I am shattered. I have become all that sadness describes. I crack some more when I look in the mirror. It's because I can perfectly see the cause of all this misery. So everytime I hear my own voice, I suffer more for loving me. I crack again until there's nothing left.

My tears are not worthless.