My Cracking Heart

She left and I feel nothing

Girl WTF. Somehow it's my fault isn't it. I have such a bad character you don't wanna spend time with me anymore isn't. Or perhaps you have your stupid secrets that you're keeping from me. That I don't deserve to know. What don't I deserve to know like seriously. I see you naked what other secret is deeper than that. It's alright I get it. Like everyone else before you. You loved me until you got bored of me. You left me in silence and for what. What did I even do wrong?. What is wrong with me that all of you won't tell me?. Do you think I wear the number of ex's I have as a badge of honor. It's a symbol of my loneliness. I'm not a good person I know that but at least tell me. Not just leave like you did with everyone else. After a variety of times you've been in a relationship you tend to notice the same pattern. I'm tired now. I've been hurting and hurting and hurting now. The only joy in my life right now is when I'm sad. At least that's when I feel something. Right now. I've gotten to my abyss again. My already cracked heart is cracking some more. I'm bleeding so I'm still alive right. So why do I feel dead inside all the time. Perhaps I deserve this. Perhaps I'm supposed to suffer a bit more. I feel lonely all the time. I cry on a daily basis before I go to bed. Does this damnation have any salvation. I need hope. But my friend you are oblivious to the fact that I need you. I'm dying help me. Or should I use the same lie that stands for that. "I'm alright thanks and you" One mistake on the first go doesn't hurt. But a single mistake upon a series of heartbreaks and bleeding is all it takes to destroy me more. Or in my heart's case. To crack me even more. Why does it have to happen to me like this. Over and over it's like I'm saying the same thing. There's no different angle to this is there. I've got to face my reality as a man should right. So in other words men don't have emotions? Men don't understand them or something. If they don't tell me what I feel isn't real?. I know deep down those shallow hearts you feel what I feel. If you knew all this why did you go. I need you to be able to comprehend what my life is turning out to be. My emotions please come back don't leave me like this my heart won't stop cracking I know. I can fix this, i can fix this so please come back. I don't want to be numb. I'm scared it'll ruin more of me. Rage, remorse come to me please. Mercy and compassion you are my strength don't do this to me. Love oww love don't look at me that way. From that distance.

So you seriously have left me. I'm alone again. Is there an end to this madness. Is there an end to this empty whole inside of me? Funny how, the dreams in which I'm dying are amongst the select few I actually enjoy.

My tears are not worthless