My Cracking Heart

If only you lied

All you had to do was keep your beautiful lips sealed. I asked you for happiness even if the price was dishonesty I would've suffice. I thought I knew you better. I thought you'd never make such terrible mistakes. Actually you always said I knew you but I guess reality will always hit you. Knowing someone well enough doesn't make them immune to mistakes. I should have figured that out. I wanted to give you everything when I got everything. I lost a lot and there's nothing I can do about it. I wanted to voice my actions and be proud of them. Reality hit again,What can I do when I have nothing. I went on a rampage even though I knew I wouldn't feel okay about it after. Since my heart was cracking I thought if I made more of me I'd be comfortable in the numbers. There's strength in numbers they say. It doesn't apply to emotions unfortunately. I was willing to destroy everything around me until I found something that made me feel okay. Tough news my own mind told me. "you're never gonna feel okay". I wanted to shut my eyes and stopped talking to myself.The voice in my head got louder. "You think you're talking to yourself. Well guess what I'm your head and thoughts and severe outcomes I am you and I am already dead". "The term zombie is misused. Broken people such as yourself are the real zombies" Dead on the inside alive on the outside. You're dead inside anyway why care about outside. There's drugs all over and substances that make you escape reality. Why do you think they're made. Why do you think they sell so much?What's funny is that you know I'm right because I'm you. Beautiful definition of my adult life.It's basically accepting my own misery. All of this could've been avoided if only you lied you dumb a** . Don't you know by now. Sometimes a carefully chosen lie can possess more value than the truth. I wanted to feel better inside even if it was a lie. But we all know the truth don't we. The truth always finds a way of coming out. It's like a piece of you that's trying to reattach. I'm sure you had your reasons. But why did one of them have to be destroying me. You left us when I pushed you away with sword words. My silver tongue turned into a silver dagger. Now it's just me, my crazy and my cracking heart.

My tears are not worthless