My Cracking Heart

Ex 9

As i was praying today i felt a touch once again. I cried a number of times. I then went quiet with hopes of hearing so much and then cried again after when i didn't hear anything. I prayed once more and i started shaking more until i lost control of my body.  I heard a number of words and instructions. Sentences among sentences and corrections amongst corrections. I felt Joy again and Peace. I was told that this is not your peace alone. As you now feel it you're supposed to give it for only in peace and joy can you teach peace. I also heard that i need to fix things between me and you. It said i was being selfish and trying to do the right thing but by force. Allow the peace in you to flow out and i shouldn't pour it out. What i was experiencing is rage/ wrath and not towards anyone else but towards myself. I was angry at myself and me being hurt and feeling sorry for myself would affect others in ways i wouldn't comprehend. And the moment i can't comprehend what someone else is feeling i would hurt them for not noticing. I'm so sorry My love it's all my fault for not being able to see what's going on with you. I'm so sorry i couldn't see that my pain was affecting you so much. You may say not much but now i see what i couldn't see earlier and I'm deeply sorry for being such a cause. I want nothing more than to love you, build you and take good care of you as you would do me. I wanna be the best person to encourage you for the best encouragement comes from those that stretch beyond blood. I was also taught on what to do what to say and how to say it throughout the day. As well i must understand what priority is and how i should also teach you on that. There's what is called conflict of interest and we should never put ourselves in such situations for they cause a problem. Conflict of interest in this case is when two people have an interest in the same thing so they feel like they are in competition when people should be put in their place and know what they mean and what bounds they can't cross. Refrain as well from anything that may spark up envy (jealousy). I should as well show you how free i am so that you can easily lie on the bed i make. I should push you when you're about to give up and make sure we guide each other. My speech as well as yours should prove we can tell each other everything and anything. I should'nt persuade you to talk or ask what's the matter all of the time. You should push that block away on your own and understand that this person you're telling will never look at you in a different way because of situations. I should continue supporting you as best i can because me supporting you will make it easier for you to support me. Again i once said this but it came again. Know your rights and use them all the time. Take your place and be bold that you're there as i am. I say anything and everything at once but you can calm me down when i start speaking out of key. I do the same and i am never harsh with you. Again always let your mind be free and don't allow yourself to be in a mind prison. No one deserves suffering and since that is mentioned come running always for this is your safe haven. Your efforts will free your worries I heard. Do more and go the extra mile that will secure your insecurities about faithfulness and loyalty. As hard as this may be to you. Grab hold of me when you feel like you're falling i assure you i am strong enough to pull us up because that's literally my job. To take you out of anything that bothers you. And as well ndaudzwa nyaya yemba yangu (I was told the story of my house). So first thing I'm supposed to do now is this.

I am sorry My love you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. Forgive me for all i did wrong. Forgive me for making it feel like its hard to come to me. Forgive me for all I've done and allow me to have more room for learning and growing some more. You shouldn't have second thoughts on why must i come to you or not. The first thought that should come to mind when you need anything is me my love. So I'm sorry babe. I believe in us forever until we end this phase of eternity.

My tears are not worthless