If I Should Be Quite Honest

9

"I don't hate you," Amara whispered into my ear the next morning at the table. I nod. I had almost forgotten she had said such.
Taron texts me to say he's outside. I frowned a little. I didn't ask him to come see me. I'd much prefer if he didn't.
"What's That face for?" Isis asks me, sipping on black coffee. She made her own face, taking a large spoon of sugar and dumping it in her mug, pouring a gulp of milk in after.
"Leave me alone," I say. Pasha patters in, rubbing his eyes. He's still in his pyjamas and it's close to eleven.
He passes me and goes to Isis. I felt a tad wounded when she picked him up and held him close as she drank. I didn't know I was glaring until she pointed it out.
"That's an ugly face," she snorted, "You're pretty, Tatiana, way too pretty to be scowling like that. No man's ever gonna pick you up if you're looking like that." I make another face, bewildered.
"What if I don't want a man to pick me up?" I ask of her.
She snorts again, "A woman then. I've been gone for a little while and you've started to like women, is that it?"
I don't say anything. I just want to strangle her. She was mocking me and I didn't like being mocked by her. She didn't get to do that.
"Anyway," she continued, "Who are you texting?"
I don't answer, but Pasha does, deciding to be a big boy now.
"Tate's got a boyfriend," he said, smugly.
"Oh?" Isis smirked, "Boyfriend, is it?"
I sigh, standing up.
"Is he cute?"
I leave, going to open the door and peer over the balcony. And there he is, sure enough, leaning against his car. He looks up and waves. I gesture for him to come up. I buzz him in and go and wait by the elevator. He pulls me and kisses me once he sees me, "Maths?" he asks.
"Ok." I realise he's got his kit with him. "Game today?"
"Yeah, want to come?"
"Can't," I say, shutting the door behind us. I push him to keep walking to my room, but Isis already spots him.
"Tatiana? Who is this boy?" she asks me. I sigh, walking back to stand at the kitchen door. Taron follows me, looking meek, "You can't sneak a boy in here."
Really, she couldn't tell me what to do, but I didn't say this.
"We're doing maths."
"Uh huh," she voices, as if she knows something we don't, "Does Ren know?"
When I don't say anything, Taron lifts a hand, "Hi Mrs, Miss-. I'm Taron."
"Hello Taron," Isis nods. "I'm Isis, Tatiana's mother." Wrong.
He nods.
"We're leaving now," I say, taking his hand and taking him to my room, shutting the door, despite her calls.
"Shouldn't you answer her?" he asks, letting his bag drop to the floor.
"No," I say. I turn on the small radio on my bedside table, switching it to the right station, then I lay on my bed, an arm over my face, so I don't have to see anything. I did all my homework yesterday. And the house was quiet. After last night, I guess no one could really sleep, so that was why Pasha had just woken up and Jae and Ollie were still in bed. Evie was adamant about avoiding our mother, so she sat with a bowl of cereal in the family room, eyes glued to the TV screen with the dog.

I don't hear Taron for a while, until he's like, "I thought we were going to do maths."
"I wasn't actually expecting you," I say, maybe a bit harshly, yet, I did not much care.
"I had time," he said.
"Great."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm great," I say. He comes to sit on the edge of the bed, looking at me. I know this when I open my eyes to meet his. And they're close. And his mouth. That's close too.
I wanted him to kiss me just once. Only once. I swear. Until he actually did. And then, I wanted him to do it more. He knew, and he leaned over me properly. This was the only time in life when I don't seem to actually think, but I believed that I liked where his hands were. His hand moved to my chest and I waited for him to say something, but he didn't, so I just let him continue. I was allowed to breathe through my mouth when he pulled away, but his lips soon found my neck, and his hand found the buttons on my jeans. And I squirmed suddenly, moving his hand away.
"No, don't." He looked down at me for a movement, before getting off, saying nothing yet. "I-"
"It's ok," he says, "You're not ready."
"Not here at least," I say. It was only the truth. Not in my bed.
"So at mine?" he asked. Oops, "You'd be up for it there?"
I hesitated, "Taron..."
"If you aren't, just tell me," he says.