What a fucking waste of life is what I think when I remember high school. 4 years where everyone was living and doing teenager shit while I was in my room depressed as shit.
Honestly how fucking unfair, I didn't ask to be weak man what the fuck. I'm sorry sometimes I just remember and I feel like shit because I technically didn't get a teenage stage because I wanted to die lmao.
When my friends talk about how fun being 16 was I just...I'm almost jealous because I would have given anything...anything to have been okay and been able to live.
It's stupid that I feel left out when they talk about how they would go out and the relationships they had or the hook ups or late night adventures with friends
Anything I would have done anything man
I would stay up at night wishing I could take being good at art for being good at math being good at something that would actually make people proud of me. I'm kinda over all of that now but sometimes...
I just remember and it all comes flooding back how I never got to enjoy my 'best years' because depression took that from me.
And even though my art teacher and others praised me for my art I just never felt full. I always felt like oh okay cool I can paint but I can't do simple shit like interact with others or fucking times tables
It still hurts but sometimes you gotta embrace the burn. Sure I look back and cry because I can still remember so vividly how it felt. I'm better now, I'm in a loving relationship and even though I'm sure I'll never be 100% okay with myself I am definitely getting there
Thank you to all of those who stayed and watched me write and rant and burst into emotions time and time after. Thank you.
