Attractive Idiot [NaNoWriMo]

18

Alexia’s POV

I stared straight into his blue pools, and tried to predict what he was going to say. He stared right back, an unwavering gaze. 

He was unreadable. 

So what he said next was a complete surprise, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt. 

“I’m nobody to her.” 

Even after all the time and effort I spent pushing it away, it hurt like hell to hear him say that. It wasn’t just the way he phrased it; it was also his tone, completely devoid of emotion and desolate. Yet it also had a strained quality to it, as if he had to force his voice to go neutral. As if he was trying to cover up what he was really feeling. 

Irritation was crawling up Lee’s skin, reflected in his eyes. “You’re clearly not a ‘nobody’ to her,” Lee put air quotes around the word ‘nobody’. “If you were, she wouldn’t have been so desperate to see you when Ashley said you’d hurt yourself. Now somebody needs to tell me what exactly is going on. Are you the reason Alexia was in shambles earlier?” 

“S-she was?” Now Colin’s voice showed he was distraught about this, with an under laying tone of guilt.

“Yes. Do you have any reason why she would be like that?” Lee had an eyebrow cocked, and was looking hard enough at Colin I’m surprised holes weren’t drilled right into him. 

However, Colin never once glanced at Lee. His eyes remained solely fixed on me as he stuttered out his answer. 

“Well, you see, uhm, she.. well, no, I..” 

I made the mistake of looking up to see such heartache instilled into those goddamn blue eyes, and something within me snapped. 

I stepped away from Lee, taking a deep breath. 

I felt that if I didn’t come clean this very second, I’d implode. Implode into a world of nothingness as I wasted away. 

“Alexia? What is it? What’s wrong?” Both of them were suddenly swarming over me in worriment, and I couldn’t handle being this close to either of them.

“Stay away,” I gasped out, holding up my hand to stop them. They both froze in their tracks, looking at me worriedly. 

“Lex,” Lee started, but I shook my head, almost violently. 

“No, I can’t do this anymore. I’m just a terrible person for putting both of you through this, and for what? Because I’m selfish and don’t deserve any of it,” I rambled, the realization hitting me like a ton of bricks. I was selfish. The only reason I had held on to both of them was for my own personal feelings, and I never once thought of what either of them would feel. 

… okay, I did think of their feelings, but cast them aside so I could spare my own. Which, in a way, made me even worse. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I didn’t care.

I started to cry, tears splattering all over the ground, all over my clothes. I wasn’t sad so much as I was just overcome with all these emotions, and I had no other way to react. 

“I’m so sorry, I just can’t do this anymore. It’s too much and you both deserve better,” I continued. I barely registered Lee’s confused expression before it clicked in his brain.

“Alexia, did you.. did you cheat on me?” Lee’s voice was nearly a whisper, being carried away by the wind. 

I started to nod, forming a reply, when Colin interjected. 

“No, it’s all my fault. I forced her to go on a date with me and –“

“Colin, what are you doing?” I asked, now interrupting him. “You know that’s not—“

Colin leaned in close to me, his mouth right next to the shell of my ear. “Alex, I want to see you happy. You’re clearly happy with him, so just let me do this one final thing for you, okay? I know we can never be together so long as you love him, and the guilt would eat me alive every time I looked at you. I don’t want to ruin what could be a very happy marriage.” 

I was stunned at his words as he pulled away from me, giving me a compulsory smile, trying to bury the pain in his eyes. I still saw it, and I wanted to cringe at the thought of how much that must’ve hurt to say that. Then he turned back to face Lee again. 

He started talking, and I knew he was taking the blame for all of this, but I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything. 

Even after what I did to him.. he’s still looking out for me, trying to help me save this relationship. 

My eyes zeroed in on Colin as he explained to Lee how everything was his fault, and that he was to blame. But Colin, what if I love you more? Did you even think of that?

Yet I knew that he was right. So long as I was in this arrangement with Lee, I’d never be able to do anything with Colin without thinking of Lee. I’d be torn between them, and now, Colin was deciding for me. 

I don’t know whether to be infuriated or to be grateful. 

I wanted to make my own decisions, but it was obvious that I couldn’t decide between the two of them. 

The sun was reflecting off of Colin’s golden mop of hair, and I simply stood and watched the interaction going on between them. 

Their dispute was quickly over, and I felt myself being lead back to the parking lot by Lee. 

I had only a moment to look at Colin one last time before the door shut behind us, and we went down the stairs and back to the car. 

Then we got in and drove back home; Colin’s sorrowful eyes haunting me the entire way there. 

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extremely short, i know :c but i honestly couldn't think of what else i was supposed to put soo... but yeah. even now, colin is so caring towards alexia, even if it means sacrificing his own feelings, and he realizes that she had a previous commitment to someone else and he's respecting that. 

like can colin get any cuter?? i want to say that this is nearly over, but i have like 14k words left to write for NaNo so... XD [keep in mind that these chapters and their author notes were written before NaNo was over which might explain a few things c:] 

expect a bit more to come :D 

and yes, the 'L' word was thrown around quite a bit in this chapter o.o