Attractive Idiot [NaNoWriMo]

25

Alexia’s POV

We spent a long time at the park. When I say a long time, I mean a long time. 

It was about noon when we got there, and here we were, sitting under the cover of darkness with the stars shining above. 

We had spent the entire afternoon talking with each other,  discussing what had happened in the months we were apart. We bounced from topic to topic, ranging from things such as things we had done recently to where we were going to college. 

Yet as soon as I found out that we were going to different colleges, it almost felt as if my heart was breaking a little. 

Naturally though, I expected it completely. There was no way that we would be going to the same colleges, not only because of the grade difference, but also because we wanted to pursue entirely different things in life. I still felt a tear start to burn when I realized how far we would be from one another. 

It seemed as if Colin was thinking the same thing, the air growing tense before he softly called out, “Alex.”

“Hmm?” I responded, my eyes searching the stars and praying the inevitable didn’t have to come.

“Today was fun,” he commented, his voice wavering slightly as if he was stalling. He probably was stalling. 

“Yeah,” I murmured absent-mindedly, blades of grass slipping through my fingers as I played with the thin leaves. 

“I wish it never had to end.” 

“Me too.” 

There were a few beats of nothing, before Colin spoke once more.

“I still really like you.” 

I didn’t reply, I couldn’t.  I wanted to tell him that I still liked him too, but I knew that we couldn’t be together, at least not presently. So I just stayed silent, my heart thumping faster and my eyes welling up as I thought about this past year.

I realized that I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, at least not yet. It took this giant mess for me to realize that I still had so much to learn, so much to do before settling down. I needed to get myself in order before I could add anything else to my life. 

It took me about ten minutes before I could finally collect myself enough to just say it. 

“I really like you too,” I whispered, forcing the next words out as I squeezed my eyes shut, the stars disappearing for a moment. “But we both know we can’t be together, not yet at least.” 

“I know.” I heard the blanket shifting, and I felt a hand on my cheek. I opened my eyes, the weight of the unshed water weighing them down slightly and blurring my vision. “We still have this summer though, and can’t we make the most of it?” Colin gave me a sweet smile from where he was lying on his side, and I felt a tear slip out as I gazed at his face. He brushed it away with his thumb, and I struggled to speak. 

Giving him a shaky smile, I regretfully shook my head. 

“I’m sorry Colin, I can’t. It would be too painful.” My voice came out shaky, and I could feel the need to just burst out crying start to build under my skin. As if this wasn’t painful enough, my heart felt as if it was being torn out of my chest, and I was the one causing myself all this suffering. 

Those endearing blue eyes that I had fallen for searched my face for a moment, before he sighed and his hand retreated back to rest under his head as he lay on his back once more. That smile only faltered slightly, and a forced chuckle escaped his lips. 

“Damn, I knew I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.” 

“I’m sorry Colin,” I whispered automatically, my gaze solely locked onto his figure. 

“It’s not your fault Alexia, hell, if anything, this is all my fault. I should be the one apologizing,” he told me, his eyes never once leaving the sky above us. “I should be apologizing for the fact that I broke you and Lee up, that I caused you to get kicked out of your own house, that I was the cause of all of it this entire time. I should be apologizing, but I won’t. I can’t. As much as I hated causing you so much stress and anxiety over this, I can’t help but feel glad I did it. That’s the only thing I’ll apologize for – that I caused you stress and suffering. But I can’t apologize for my actions because I’m not remorseful about it at all; I loved every second of it. I loved spending time with you, getting to know you better, watching you have fun and seeing those little lines by your eyes when you laughed. I loved hearing your voice and just seeing you made my day.” 

I couldn’t stop the hiccup that left my mouth, my hand instantly moving to cover it. This was getting to be too much, and his confession just made it worse. He seemed oblivious to my condition, his eyes still staring wistfully up at those lights that shone a million miles away. 

“I-I’m sorry, I have to go,” I muttered, hastily standing up as tears began to rain down, droplets splashing all over the blanket, all over the grass, all over my clothes. 

I couldn’t stand to hear any more of it, I couldn’t do it. Colin and I could never be together, at least not at this point in time. 

I ran away from where he was now sitting up, mouth agape as he watched me leave. 

I ran away from that dark park that was long deserted, crickets chirping noisily away. 

I ran away from the boy that made my heart pound and my knees weak, the boy who brought smiles to my face and genuine laughter. 

I have to do this for me, I need to take care of myself first before doing anything else. 

Our separation seemed abrupt, sudden, but I knew if I spent one more second with him, I’d cave in. 

I’d break the resolutions I had created when I decided that I needed to figure myself out first. I’d go right back into the safety of his arms, the warmth of his embrace. 

“Goodbye, Colin,” I breathed out, everything in my body crying out for me to just stay with him. 

I stepped foot onto the nearly deserted road, knowing that I couldn’t go back to Ashley, so I had to return to the one place that wasn’t welcome to me. 

Going back to my parents wasn’t the worst part though; the worst part was knowing that I had to leave the only boy who truly cared for and loved me. 

Knowing I was leaving the only boy I had cared for and loved. 

.

.

.

THE END. and i'm not kidding, this really is the end. i know it's a bit abrupt, but i kind of lost all inspiration for this story and i'm sorry. 

but i hope you liked it c: