"please don't do this" Oli begged over the phone
"why would you do that?
why wouldn't you tell me?
how long has it been?" my voice began to crack because of the tears and emotions flooding my mind.
"Alex really it doesn't matter" he sighed
"Oliver how long"
"Alex I don't want to do this right now" he sounded scared.
"Oliver."
he let out a deep breath finally giving up.
"a few years"
"YEARS?!" I practically screamed.
"what was it?" I felt like I was interrogating him, like I was a police officer not his fiancé.
"ketamine....."
there was a silence. I knew exactly what it was.
"just ketamine?" I asked
"lately yeah"
I sighed. I wanted to believe him but I didn't know what to believe.
"what are you gonna do?" I tried to keep my voice calm
"w-what do you want me to do?" he began to stutter. but I could tell he was on the verge of tears.
"I want you to stop but I know it's not that easy"
I tried to be reasonable about it but years? it's a big part of someone. I grew up with drug and alcohol addiction everywhere around me and I don't want any of it in my future. and if it meant taking him out, maybe I had to do that.
"who knows?" my voice was shaky
"the band fucking hates me, my parents want to kill me, everyone wants to kill me and leave me behind right now. the guys made me stop doing as much as I was so I'm getting somewhere. please don't leave me now" he begged once again.
"baby" his voice broke our silence
"I want you to get help and get clean by the time the baby is born. I grew up with that shit and my kid won't do you get that?"
"if I can't?" his question made me cringe.
"I won't have my kid grow up or be exposed to it. I won't. not until your clean." it physically hurt me to say these words.
I felt as tears brimmed my eyes attempting to let loose. I sniffles wiping away the tears and took a deep breath
"don't do this please I'll try" he spoke up once again
"I love you" is all i said. it's all I can say. it's all I could feel, I was speechless with emotions going crazy. sad, angry, worried, confused, terrified.
"I'm so fucking sorry. don't fucking leave me" I could tell he was now crying.
"Alex DAMNIT TALK TO ME" he began to yell
I hung up the phone.
and stared at the wall, my head began to pound, my hands were shaking like crazy.
I fell onto my bed and let all the tears stream. it suddenly became hard to breathe, hard to see. I felt like I was going to fucking die.
I sobbed and weeped for air but I just couldn't breathe. I tried to grab for my phone but it was so hard to see.
I called Quinn, didn't answer the first time.
"FUCK QUINN ANSWER" I screamed calling again
"hello poop" she answered
"Quinn-Quinn pl help me" I cried into the phone.
"Were on my way" she hung up quickly in a panic.
I sat in my bed staring at the ceiling crying. unable to move. unable to speak. barely able to breathe.
I heard the door swing open and running up the stairs.
Quinn, running. impossible I thought to myself.
Matthew ran through the door and picked me up carrying me down the stairs and placing me on the couch.
"huh?" I managed to say.
"Quinn texted me to come over because I'm closer. she's on her way, they all are don't worry we got you dear. you're not in this alone."
he grabbed a glass of water with a straw and held it up to my lips making me drink it, surprisingly calming me down.
"did he tell you?" I managed to ask Matthew in a faint lifeless voice.
"yeah he just told everyone. he's telling all of us, he's trying to get help now" Matthew gave me a hug
"I'll believe it when it happens" I said my voice filled with anger.
this time the tears weren't just sad tears, I wasn't crying because the guy I was supposed to marry was a drug addict and I was the pitiful helpless fiancé. not at all like that. it was because of all the anger and sadness and confusion I was feeling.
I covered my face with my hands, Matthew rubbing my back in sympathy.
Quinn burst through the door grabbing me and hugging me.
"I bought you pizza and Luna's bringing your favourite movies and everyone is coming over and I'm staying okay?" she made me look her in the eyes
"t-thank you" I covered my face crying onto her shoulder.
we sat back down eating pizza together waiting for everyone.
"actually, Quinn?" I looked up at her
"yeah?" she said confusion and worry on her face
"can I come stay with you for a while? just so I don't have to see him when he gets back? until he stops"
"as long as Milo comes with" she joked looking at me with a sad smile.
I faked a smile and got up to go pack all my things, and all of Milo's things.
I picked up my phone from upstairs.
17 missed calls from Oli, 11 voicemails, 24 text messages.
I turned off my phone, and didn't plan on turning it back on for a while.
