by the time everyone showed up my sadness had turned to anger and back to sadness multiple times.
Rella arrived first with candy to help me, then Luna who brought my favourite films along with Aria. at this point I was staring blankly at the films thinking about it over and over and over and over again.
I wanted to scream and cry and throw things and be held by Oli and slap him all at the same time. But I didn't do anything. I sat with my friends ignoring the topic watching How To Train Your Dragon and eating pizza and candies. Matthew had left for work sending over Elena Daniel and Josh.
after 3 movies someone finally spoke up.
"what are you gonna do?" Elena asked shyly
"leave? wait." I answered
"what do you mean?" Rella along with everyone else looked confused
"I'm gonna stay with Quinn and wait for him to get clean. I mean I'll support him but. I just don't want to talk to him for a little bit." I started to count my fingers like I used to do when I was nervous or about to have an anxiety attack.
'1 2 3 4, 4 3 2 1" I repeated in my head tapping every finger against my thumb.
"your doing it again Ali" josh said grabbing my hand. I sighed "I'm sorry" I mumbled
"you can take a week or two off. you've been working your ass off you deserve it." he smiled at me
"thanks but I can do it" I tried to object to the thought of not tattooing but he was right, I needed space and time.
"you can stay with me" Josh said with worry on his face
"I'm staying with Quinn, I'll probably switch off every now and then" I answered
"that's like an hour away or some shit like that" Daniel protested the idea
" I don't want to be here" is all I said
we sat in silence for a few minutes.
"I want to dye my hair" I mumbled
everyone looked at me confused.
"who wants to come with?" I looked around and Quinn and Rella agreed to go with.
I got all my bags putting them into my car and we all went to the usual place where I dyed my hair.
"Hey there Alex, it's been awhile" Anne said showing me to a chair to get started.
first she did a deep conditioning treatment so my hair wouldn't die completely. Rella and Quinn made jokes about how I looked with my hair all up in one bun on the very top of my head and we all laughed along.
"so what exactly are you going to do today?" Anne asked excitedly
"remember what you tried to convince me to do last time?"
he eyes lit up. "really?" a smile began to creep on her face.
"really" I replied
Anne clapped her hands squeezing and went back to go get the dye.
"so why the sudden change of heart?" Anne asked applying the dye to my hair.
"needed a change in life" was my reply. it was true. change is good, and I felt like I needed it before but now I really needed it. with everything going on I felt like I was suffocating from all the drama, if you told me I was going to marry an addict id laugh and say I would never. that I would know, I would never even associate myself with someone who reminded me so much of my past but well fuck. here I am. hoping that changing my appearance will make it all go away but no. I'm still engaged. I'm still pregnant. I'm still living out the dream I didn't ask for, but at the same time I earned it.
I fell in love and I'm not falling out. even with this fucked up situation none of my feelings are changing for him. I still want to kiss him and be held by him and just be with him.
after about an hour and a half I was done. I looked in the mirror and just smiled.
"I love it" was all I could say. we shortly left and Quinn and I went back to her house to go to sleep and hopefully end this day.
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I groaned looking at the clock
12:24
I just want to sleep. all I want is to sleep. I thought to myself kicking off my blankets and walking into the Kitchen.
I sat on the counter running my fingers through my hair letting out a sigh.
I heard Quinn's voice so I walked towards it. She was in the living room sitting on the floor face timing Jordan. when he saw me he looked surprised both of them going silent. I quickly walked out the back door, taking a deep breath of the cold coast air.
Quinn and Jordan had recently bought a house together, and luckily it was on the beach. perfect place to be when your stressed.
I walked down the wooden stairs and onto the sand. the tide was high so the sand was cold and wet shooting chills up my legs. I was only in sweats and a tank top so it was fucking freezing.
I sat down on the sand and closed my eyes. I reached into the pocket of my sweats and grabbed my phone.
I just stared at the empty black screen. I held down the lock button turning it on. the screen lit up with more texts and calls from Oli, and Lee, Matt, Jordan and Matt Kean. I just ignored them all.
I went trough my previous texts and found Rella
to: Rella
you awake love?
someone sat down next to me making me jump - it was Quinn
"fuck potato you scared me"
"you can't hide from them all" she looked up at me with her eyebrows raised "I have to work tomorrow, are you gonna be okay alone?"
"I'm not a fetus" I laughed about it but she stayed serious "I'll be fine Quinn don't worry about me young one"
"you should sleep" she said standing up
"wish I could" I stood up following her back to the house
"I'll make cake" she clapped her hands and fastened her pace
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// A/N: sorry this is so boring it's sort of a filler chapter. 😁
