Crushing (Joshler)

21. Liberation

***Trigger warnings for revenge porn, mentions of past childhood sexual abuse, PTSD, mentions of domestic abuse, and panic attacks.***

Start the song. It's Once Upon a Blood Moon by Sage Francis.

After a couple more deep breaths and a plethora of carefully administered reassurances from Josh, Tyler did his best to swallow the lump in his throat before timorously retracing his words from earlier, "It, uh...so I got the first link about an hour before I left Columbus."

Josh remained silent, holding Tyler in his lap with one arm wrapped protectively around his waist while his other hand held Tyler's gently. His thumb rubbed Tyler's soothingly as he listened patiently, the warmth of his impossibly brown eyes reassuring Tyler just enough to convince him to keep talking.

"I think I was kind of in shock at first because I thought it must've been an accident. I know there are too many steps involved for that to be an accident, but I think I just needed to believe he wasn't capable of doing something that evil, so I tried to call him. It didn't go through though, and I know now that he's been blocking my number unless he wants to contact me, but that was when it started to get real for me. I knew I couldn't take it down without him, and I started to slowly process that he knew that too-"

Josh shook his head, clearly confused as he asked, "Take what down?"

Tyler felt very sick. He heard his breaths become shallower before he even processed the burning in his chest, but Josh was right there with him. There was no judgment or annoyance sent his way as Josh released his hand and wrapped Tyler up in his arms. His fingers soothed through Tyler's hair as he rocked him gently, allowing him to fall apart for a moment before slowly attempting to reassemble his breaths for him.

"It's okay, baby. I got you. You ain't in this alone no more. I'm gonna fix all of this, but you can take your time until then. Just breathe for a minute. You're safe here. You know that. I ain't gonna let nobody hurt you ever again. I got you," Josh comforted him. "I got you."

It took a little while for Tyler to calm down enough to sit back so he could look at Josh again. Before he could say anything, Josh leaned over to pick up Tyler's previously discarded shirt, using it to wipe the tears and snot off of Tyler's face again. Tyler had no idea how Josh didn't feel grossed out when he touched it for a second time, but it didn't seem to bother him at all, so Tyler didn't question it. He just took another drink of his beer when Josh handed it to him before allowing Josh to set it back down on the coffee table.

"Is there something else I'm supposed to do to help you not cry while you tell me about this, or is this one of those things that makes normal people cry no matter what and you just kind of have to be there?" Josh asked, sounding like he was genuinely asking for Tyler's guidance on the situation. Tyler found that to be pretty endearing, especially given the fact that Josh genuinely didn't have the emotional capacity to navigate this situation on his own but was trying so hard to do it anyway for Tyler's sake.

"The second one," Tyler replied quietly.

Josh nodded, accepting that answer with some obvious disappointment. "Got it. I can do that for you. Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it. I got you. You're safe with me, and I'm too selfish to send you back to Ohio anytime soon, so you ain't got anything to be scared of. Got that?" His tone was nothing but sincere, and there was a certain urgency in his expression-like it was imperative to him that Tyler understood this.

Maybe Tyler shouldn't have felt embarrassed about the way his bottom lip trembled at that, but he couldn't help it. He most definitely felt embarrassed that his first instinct was to sit forward and kiss Josh. It was just one kiss that lasted for maybe a second, but all of the blood in Tyler's body seemed to go cold as soon as he realized what he'd done. His breaths were coming in short gasps again then, and he was shooting out of Josh's lap as he choked back tears and apologized over and over again.