Complicated Love

Chapter Fifteen.

Chapter 15.

The Dad.

The following day I try extremely hard to not think about the upcoming encounter that I will have tonight when I get home.
My dad is arriving.

My fucking asshole of a father.

How fun. Can you detect the sarcasm?

His not a good person, nor was he a great husband or father when it came to us. He never once considered us as his happiness or dare I say it family. It took a while for me to realise that he didn't seem to care about us. I learned early in my life that he never seemed to want to have a child or even my mom. It wasn't planned. He just wanted to have sex and be gone but this time there was a mishap.
As all good stories seem to have right?

He forgot to use that condom and bam, my mom was pregnant. Sex was all fun and games to him.

9 months later came this beautiful being called Cameron. It was difficult for my mom, she managed to get him to marry her for the sake of well my well-being I guess.

Like I said it was difficult.

Not just for me but my mom aswell.

It wasn't until I was able to walk and talk that he decided to inflict abuse onto my mom.

It gets better, to an extent I guess.

Not physical, though a few slaps seemed to occur.

You know the best kind of a pain you can inflict onto someone? No?
Let me tell you.

That would be emotional pain. Emotional conflict.

Emotional anything.

He emotionally tore my mom down until she broke. She broke so terribly that she couldn't handle it anymore. Back then I was unable to do anything but this time around, I swear if he manages to hurt her. I will inflict so much pain onto him he wouldn't remember his own fucking name.
I swear.

It's a vow, I will make sure to keep.

When I found out my dad didn't actually want me?
Yeah that shit hurt me a hell of a lot. It had an extreme effect on me, resulting in me playing with girls feelings. Fucked up I know. It seems like I actually inherited something from my no good father.

Like that saying goes, "Like father like son"

Just like everything about him which is let's be honest, horrible, I inherited the worst trait. It's sickening but perhaps it's what I'm destined for right?.
I wouldn't know.

I know I'm worthless and my mom tried really hard to make me feel like I'm not but the wound is already so damn deep, I wouldn't know how to stop if I tried. Perhaps I wouldn't ever stop?

That thought haunts me to this day.

I felt something strange earlier on when Elizabeth seemed to break down at my sadness. A feeling I don't think I ever felt before.
How can someone so damn innocent seem to care for someone like me?

I felt so damn safe and comforted. It was so strange. I feel like I can rely on her for anything. Perhaps its because she reminds me of someone I used to know. Perhaps it's because she'll be my wife and I would love to treat her much better than my father ever did my mom. Perhaps it's me... Catching feelings?

I don't know but what I do know is that I wouldn't mind having to hug her more often.

How is it that a simple hug can calm me down and keep me from going insane?

What do you call this?

Whatever it is I'm savoring it for tonight. God knows I need it.

As I go through my classes for the day, my eyes keep wandering towards the clock. It seems in such moments when you need the time to stop damn ticking, it ticks the fastest it's ever ticked and yet when you need time to go fast it manages to go so damn fucking slow.
How crazy is life?