Dear Meggie

December 13th, 2012

December 13th, 2012

 

Dear Meggie,

I’m in the hospital. They made me eat charcoal to vomit up the pills, when they finally got me awake. I got really sick before I died. I fainted, and tried really hard to let go, but I just couldn’t.

Apparently, my sister was home from school for God knows what reason. Stupid college kids. I hate how she can just come home from college all the time. She won’t be able to when she transfers over to Harvard.

So my sister heard me choking. It started after I wrote you my last entry. I didn’t hear her come into my room ever. I just fainted.

Right now, I’ve been institutionalized. And believe it or not, I found out ballet girl was in here with me. Turns out she came in here on the tenth, right after the talent show. She cut too deep, into her artery. She has some balls.

You never called me. I didn’t expect you to, either. I mean, it’s quite the shitty birthday present to get when you figured out your best friend tried to overdose on sleeping pills. I hope you haven’t heard the news.

Will came to visit me, during the visitation hours. As soon as I saw him, I just hugged him. I hugged him, and cried into his chest, and he whispered, “I’m so sorry, Harriett.”

I asked him if he told you. He shook his head no, and then told me, “I’m going to break up with her.”

“Why?” I asked.

He sighed. “It’s hard to explain. You wouldn’t exactly like it.”

“Try me.”

“No.”

“Will.”

“Harriet.”

“Tell me.”

“No.”

“Please!”

“I said no, Harriet!” he almost shouted at me. The other families stared at us. I folded my arms. “I’m sorry. But it has to be done.”

Then he left, after we teased each other for a while, but I could tell he was just staring at my ankle the whole time. I wish more and more that I hadn’t done it.

They put me on medication. We watched a movie, and then I went into my room. Ballet girl was my roommate.

“So…,” she said. “I guess school was a bit unbearable after the show?”

I nodded, staring at the floor. “I guess it was for you, too,” I said. “Since you cut so deep.”

“It was… for other reasons,” she told me. “Like the kids who already torment me nonstop, having more of a reason to do so after the show. I liked your performance, by the way.”

“Same with yours,” I said. “At least you didn’t fuck it up.”

“It was good until that moment,” she said. “I’m sorry about what Garret said.”

“Wasn’t your fault,” I said.

“I’m Tate,” she said. “And you’re…?”

“Harriett.”

“Nice to meet you, Harriett,” she said. “How many times have you been hospitalized?”

“First time.”

“This is my third. You know, for the cutting. I hope you didn’t tell them you skip meals, because if you do, they’ll go batshit crazy, and put you on ED.”

“Eating disorder?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she said. “Did you?”

“I told them I usually skip lunch.”

“But I see you in that burger joint all the time,” Tate said.

“Never eating anything,” I said. “Just ordering something to drink.”

“You’ll usually be out in within ten days,” Tate said. “If you cooperate.”

“What if I don’t?” I ask.

“Then you stay here longer.”

They let me have my notebook with all the letters in it. I’m writing with a marker at the moment. No pencils. They really take a lot of precautions with you, here.

I’m just a little bit sorry about Will, though. Sorry that he dumped you.                            

Love,

Harriett